Saturday, January 21, 2017
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
eat more chikin'
Seriously who cares if the President of Chick-Fil-A hates gay people? Who gives a fuck? Why is everything a big deal nowadays. Have you ever tasted a Chick-Fil-A sandwich or those waffle fries. That shit is bangin'.
Is the chicken fried in homophobic canola oil? Are the buns "girl" buns?
We have to learn how to keep our politics and food seperated.
Life would be easier if we ignored certain things.
Is the chicken fried in homophobic canola oil? Are the buns "girl" buns?
We have to learn how to keep our politics and food seperated.
Life would be easier if we ignored certain things.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Tipping
I can't promise that I'll post here often enough to warrant you saving this site to your favorites. But today is a good step in that direction.
So I bartend now at a catering hall. It's quite interesting being on this side of the fence and I'm glad that I've always "Done the right thing" in regards to hitting the bartenders off with cash when ordering a drink. It's amazing and quite appalling that some people don't bother doing that. I mean what gives?
There was this one little faggot from this past weekend that really got on my nerves. He had sandy blond hair, wore tight ass pants and had on a white watch. Now I don't normally have a problem with white watches on dudes but when you pair it with the fag smile he had and those ice skater pants he wore, it is then where I start to develop a problem for white watches. So check this. He was with some chick who was actually way above his league and if I weren't married she would have been waiting outside the hall for me at the end of the night instead of going home with him but that's another story.
So this cocksucker first tells me that his lady isn't allowed to drink espresso martinis after I recommended them for her (she asked). Fair enough douchenozzle so what will it be. He orders a classic Belvedere Martini slightly dirty but extra olives. Fine. I make. I bring, I pour some Chardonnay for the chick and go about my table filling other orders. I back him up with another one halfway through thr first as a courtesy. He says too fast, a martini should be enjoyed not rushed. I tell him by no means am I rushing you the first course is not even out yet it's a 5 hour party. Like dude. The second drink is serving as a nice gesture. But whatever sometimes it gets lost on people why we do that.
Now his lady switches it up. She tastes his drink, likes the dirtyness of the martini and orders one "double dirty". Cool. This is round three so definetely something should be coming my way in the form of a US Currency. Make the shit out of this martini, I taste it, it's damn near perfect. Give it out and nothing. Except for another martini for him. Ok, maybe we have a late tipper. Someone who tips before it's time to go. Unusual, not popular but just as effective. Pay the man. Dinner flies by and I'm patrolling my other tables who honestly were almost just as bad. And I can see him waving me in for another order.
8 Chilled Cafe Patron shots.
No doubt. Let's party. Gotta see some lettuce now no? An order for a round of shots usually = CASH. I bring them out with the quickness. Make some jokes and watch everyone take the shots, laughs are exchanged. He gives me the high sign to walk over to him. I see a concealed hand. He's gonna drop some dough finally. Boom. He shakes my hand with the paper and I shove it in my pocket and thank him. Walking back the bar in the back I'm thinking it's a $20, minimum. I unravel the bread and to my horror see:
THREE MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS. 3. Dollars.
That is tic-tacs and skittles today.
Rolled up no less. Homey.
THREE BEANS for 5 rounds of drinks, one of them a round of shots. Not to mention I skilled the last two martinis. Nigga please.
So what kind of asshole does this. Is it you? Not to mention these other dick wads from my other table completely shut me out. I mean not even a dollar. And his little ho was ordering Pina Coladas like she was on vacation or something. Bitch I ain't wearing pool shorts.
Tip your bartender. Tip your waiter. Throw a $5 in the valet pot. Tip the coat check (if you have a coat). The only person who you have the human right to stiff is the dude in the bathroom giving you a paper towel because THAT SHIT is BULLSHIT. Unless you take a mint then your fucked.
PAY THE MAN.
So I bartend now at a catering hall. It's quite interesting being on this side of the fence and I'm glad that I've always "Done the right thing" in regards to hitting the bartenders off with cash when ordering a drink. It's amazing and quite appalling that some people don't bother doing that. I mean what gives?
There was this one little faggot from this past weekend that really got on my nerves. He had sandy blond hair, wore tight ass pants and had on a white watch. Now I don't normally have a problem with white watches on dudes but when you pair it with the fag smile he had and those ice skater pants he wore, it is then where I start to develop a problem for white watches. So check this. He was with some chick who was actually way above his league and if I weren't married she would have been waiting outside the hall for me at the end of the night instead of going home with him but that's another story.
So this cocksucker first tells me that his lady isn't allowed to drink espresso martinis after I recommended them for her (she asked). Fair enough douchenozzle so what will it be. He orders a classic Belvedere Martini slightly dirty but extra olives. Fine. I make. I bring, I pour some Chardonnay for the chick and go about my table filling other orders. I back him up with another one halfway through thr first as a courtesy. He says too fast, a martini should be enjoyed not rushed. I tell him by no means am I rushing you the first course is not even out yet it's a 5 hour party. Like dude. The second drink is serving as a nice gesture. But whatever sometimes it gets lost on people why we do that.
Now his lady switches it up. She tastes his drink, likes the dirtyness of the martini and orders one "double dirty". Cool. This is round three so definetely something should be coming my way in the form of a US Currency. Make the shit out of this martini, I taste it, it's damn near perfect. Give it out and nothing. Except for another martini for him. Ok, maybe we have a late tipper. Someone who tips before it's time to go. Unusual, not popular but just as effective. Pay the man. Dinner flies by and I'm patrolling my other tables who honestly were almost just as bad. And I can see him waving me in for another order.
8 Chilled Cafe Patron shots.
No doubt. Let's party. Gotta see some lettuce now no? An order for a round of shots usually = CASH. I bring them out with the quickness. Make some jokes and watch everyone take the shots, laughs are exchanged. He gives me the high sign to walk over to him. I see a concealed hand. He's gonna drop some dough finally. Boom. He shakes my hand with the paper and I shove it in my pocket and thank him. Walking back the bar in the back I'm thinking it's a $20, minimum. I unravel the bread and to my horror see:
THREE MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS. 3. Dollars.
That is tic-tacs and skittles today.
Rolled up no less. Homey.
THREE BEANS for 5 rounds of drinks, one of them a round of shots. Not to mention I skilled the last two martinis. Nigga please.
So what kind of asshole does this. Is it you? Not to mention these other dick wads from my other table completely shut me out. I mean not even a dollar. And his little ho was ordering Pina Coladas like she was on vacation or something. Bitch I ain't wearing pool shorts.
Tip your bartender. Tip your waiter. Throw a $5 in the valet pot. Tip the coat check (if you have a coat). The only person who you have the human right to stiff is the dude in the bathroom giving you a paper towel because THAT SHIT is BULLSHIT. Unless you take a mint then your fucked.
PAY THE MAN.
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
RIP Gary Carter, The Kid #8 --- Heaven got their backstop now.
Mex can barely get through this interview. Tough, Carter was pretty much the final piece of that 86 team and really they should have won more. Tough day for Met fans my age and a bit older who idolized just about every player on that team. Funny how all his on the field accomplishments are not even being mentioned, instead people recall stories of his character. Must have been a tremendous guy.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Definetely too much information.
My balls are huge man. I say that seriously. I have some large ass nutsacks. Shit is uncomfortable at times. And I don't mean like, oh i have big balls lets go jump off a building or something. I mean they are just large in circumference. Big heavy balls. My wife hates my balls.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Soon 2011 will end
Hey have the best 2012 you can possibly have ok. Try not to be a dick and tell your family you love them.
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