There's a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?

I tried to post on Friday, the pics weren't loading. Blogger had it's period.

Anyhoo I was in Florida until Monday night. Had a wedding.
The plane flight home was a wreck. Weather related delays, end of passover, jews everywhere, rocky flight, two kids behind me puked, jetblue tv didn't work, hungry, taxi cab line long.
Fucking sucked.

But I am on vacation this week so that's cool.

This is an update. Be right back.

AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.

On the way home yesterday I got to thinking about something.

You know those rides in Disney like It's A Small World or Pirates of the Caribbean? Where you board a slow moving vehicle of some sort and enter a dark cave or even Space Mountain, the first 3 seconds of that ride where you just embark into what seems like a black hole. Ok now picture this.

Picture that your in this vehicle right, slow moving towards a dark hole. Ok. You with me?

Now, let's pretend this "dark hole" is the asshole of a Rhinoceros. So your inside the asshole of a Rhino. Now sniff.

This is what the subway car I was on last night smelled like. I am not claiming to be an expert on the asshole scent of a Rhino but my imagination tells me it would be a vile, putrid scent that only other Rhino's would be able to stand. And since I am not a Rhino I could not stand it.

I hope whatever or whoever was behind that awful, awful smell dies a thousand deaths.

The Lord of Hosts will do battle for us. Behold his mighty hand.

This was the coolest thing ever.
Pope blesses Ground Zero

You mean that Disneyland mookfest out there?

At the dinner I attended last night the guy to my left (2nd guy)

looks like Paul Berra (wwf). Does he not?

My beer on the urinal at the Nets game Tuesday night.

This is what I call babysitting.

Some sweet peppers.....mmmm.

How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?

Met game last night.

Citifield is taking shape nicely.

My local Sporting Goods haven.

Grape tomoatoes, sautee with garlic and olvie oil.

Sautee chicken with olive oil and sicilian crakced olives.

Combine once chicken is 3/4 done.

Add pasta. Mangia!

Once you are able to kill mentally, the physical part will be easy.

Airlines ignoring safety inspections and flying planes that need maintenence is fucking disgusting.
China men are ruining the Olympics before they even start.

Scaffolding kills business.

Ever feel like there isn't enough time in the day?

Anyone familiar with Jeff Buckley. I'm gonna check out some of his tunes. I really digged that Hallelujah version he did which was covered by an American Idol contestant a couple of weeks ago.

Oh so there is this guy that always sit's in our "eating area" at around 3pm everyday and eats a snack. I notice that he is always eating something real healthy or just healthy. Today it was an orange. I'm mentioning this because I have great hate for this guy for one simple reason. He wears light blue pants once every week. I mean these fuckers are periwinkle. He looks ridiculous and they are highwaters to boot. It fucking pisses me off. Also he's a free loading ass bag. Because whenever there is "leftover" food from a meeting or function he's right there sniffing around. People like this bother me. I bethcha he is one of those Freegans.

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left

My Likka. That's Johnnie Walker Gold, Green, Blue
(box behind the green) and The Glenlivet.
Complete with two Glenlivet glasses and a small Patron leading the way.

Beef Empenadas (homeade) with a ice cold Corona.

How gangsta is my daughter with a Burberry diaper bag?

You and I both know I'm a phenomenal dancer!

If I planned my wedding it'd look like this....

Ceremony:
(Groom has on shorts and a tshirt, Bride is a white cocktail dress, short preferably) :
Everyone is there, cue the Bride music, let here have her moment.
Yes, yes. Make out.

Done, head to the bridal suite for two hours (20 minutes tops) of straight up monkey sex.

Cocktail hour (2 hours):

Scenary:
As people walk into the room they are handed a shot of Jack Daniels or Tequilla. Your choice. Whoever doesn't take one will immediately be thrown out. Frank Sinatra blares in the background. On a theater size screen, a slideshow of the greatest moments in sports roll.

Booze:
Vodka Ice fountain. Jack Daniels barrel with tap. 10 beers on tap, the rest of the selection in bottles, 30 total to choose from. Wine tasting area. Full bar stocked with top shelf liquors.

Food:
Pig, roasted for 12 hours on a spit over a hot fire. Served with black beans and fried Yuca.

Benihana station. You know the deal.

Taco bar, complete with a sombrero wearing server.

The Grill, an open grill with 7 choice of steaks. You choose the steak, the guy (Bobby Flay, if he's available) grills it to your liking (well done orders frowned upon).
Steak choices: Filet Mignon, NY Strip, Porterhouse, Skirt Steak, Sirloin, Ribeye, & Flank.

Pizza. Wood oven, neopalitan style only.

Antipasto. Cold. Has many salted meats, cheeses, olives, salads you can possibly imagine.

Sampler station. Wings, skins, mini burgers, etc.

The Party:
Shuffle crowd into the party room, make sure everyone is seated. DJ will introduce the bridal party to T.I's bring em out, then me and my bride will come out to the chicago bulls entrance theme with low high fives on one side finished off with a chest bump for the best man. Best man will make his spiel, limited to one minute and must include at least three curse words. Me and bride will then dance the Tango.

Once we finish the party will begin. 3 straight hours of dancing to music. The wait staff will not be serving any food but they will act as personal bartneders. They are to fetch any and all orders of booze for my guests. The tables will not have any table clothes on them and there will be no flowers. Hanging from the walls will be movie posters, SI swimsuit covers and pennants.

After Party:
Guests will be ushered back into the cocktail hour room for an hour while the party room gets turned into a casino. The same food served earlier will again be served at that time.

Casino will include blackjack, no limit hold em, three card poker, roulette, craps and war. That's right war motherfuckers. All money won and lost is real. Those same waiters will again be turned into cocktail waiters/waitresses. The casino will close at sunrise.

Cabs and buses will be deployed to get everyone home safely. Thank you for coming out, god bless and good night.