Saturday Night Drunk

I gotta re-cap sat night. It was way too much fun not to. We all went to Porky's for D-Rock's birthday. Porky's (http://www.porkysnyc.com/) is in the Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan and it's a real cool spot. It's more of a bar than anything. We went there with the same crew from Cabo plus like 6 or 7 of D-Rock's firefighting friends. J got the hook-up to sit in the VIP area as long as she forked over for 2 bottles of Grey Goose. So she did. And I never, ever drank so much vodka in my life.

Now to preface, I'm more of a beer and whiskey type of fella. So you wouldn't think that I would get hammered from the teets of the Goose but I may think about having a vodka infused drink once and again. It ain't that bad.

Porky's was playing some great music. Mostly rock songs mixed with some Hip-Hop classics and a few pop songs that people like. Everyone was groovin, dancing and drinking. We finished the first bottle of Goose within a half hour. That seemed like a problem but then the second bottle came out and that must have popped a viagra because it lasted the night. Sometime along the way a famous fishbowl drink came around and me and W killed it like a fat kid eats cake. Just sucked it all up. Then the jello-shot tramp came around and I couldn't resist. Then finally the second bottle ran out so even though we didn't need it, and even though everyone was drunker than a boat of Irish sailors, we bought one more (you know, for the road). Ketel One was his name. With that we got a free bottle of Vodka as well, his name was Three Olives.

About 1:15 am I see D-Rock stumble into the bathroom and he looks like he needs a little help. He was so wasted it was awesome. I just imagined his little liver being the motorcycle gang in Bronx Tale and Sonny and the guys were the alcohol. I mean just a total ass-whipping type drunk. Anyway he had enough, he couldn't stand, walk, speak or see so it was time for him to go. I was following him out the door when all of the sudden he stopped and SPLAT. All over the floor, twice. He was like Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail of breadcrumbs to find his way back but instead of breadcrumbs it was vomit. So I rushed him to the nearest garbage can so he can finish that up without ruining everyone's shoes and sneakers. It felt like he his head was in there for an hour but it was only a minute or two. Best birthday puke he's ever had that's for sure.

I made sure he and J got in a cab to go home and headed back inside to the party. Lasted about another 20 minutes and then we left. But before we left we had to make sure the half bottle of Ketel and the full bottle of Three Olives were coming home with Daddy. They were. Boy W stuffed them down his pants like they were two smif-n-wessuns. He looked like Johnny Wad.
Out we go to the car but I realize the Ketel has a tap on it. And in the great state of NY you can't drive a car with an open bottle of liqour so we were going to have to throw a way the Ketel. Na-ah says my cousin. He grabs it, locates the nearest homeless guy, and offers him the bottle. The bum gladly, GLADLY, accepts his peace offering and slowly slugs it down, proclaiming : "Oh Shit, this is real". Yeah. That's right Mr.Bum. From yours to ours. Cheers!

Timeline:
10:38 arrival, immediate bee-line to bar for four beers. Two for me and one each to cuz and D-rock

10:49- headed to VIP section with Goose on ice

11:00- Goose is open and ready for deployment

11:02- everyone takes a celebratory shot

11:07- D-Rock takes a steroid shot of Goose, like half the cup, no stopping, straight down
easily the most I've been impressed. It was like the equivalent to a 600ft. Home Run

11:16- Mixing drinks for all, including one for myself

11:20- Mixing more

11:52- Bottle has been dry for 10 minutes, must find waitress for deployment of second Goose

12:01- Cuz orders himself 6 Corona's. Love that guy

12:12- Second Bottle has arrived
12:15- Kelly Clarkson song rocks our balls off (Since You've Been Gone)

12:23- W trying to tell me to be a fireman

12:29- Some scallywag pick-pockets J but D-Rock gets it back after threatening to punch her teeth in (yes it was a girl who did this heinous crime)

12:34- Second goose lasting like Extra gum

12:36- Jello shots

12:45- Here comes the fishbowl drink

12:46- There goes the fishbowl drink

12:49- Full drunkeness for all, screaming, jumping, dancing, lifting people in the air, hugging and rhyming, shaking...you get the picture

1:00- Drock head to bathroom looking like a plastic bottle in a wind tunnel

1:12- Head to front door but before he get there wants to paint the floor with vomit

1:15- Hail cab for Drock and J

1:20- Send them off and head back inside

1:30- W has two bottles of vodka in his pants

1:35- walking to car, singing, looking at our vodka booty

1:37- realization we cannot take the Ketel

1:38- spot bum to give away Ketel, give it away and everyone was happy

1:40- starving and drunk we head home

Good Times.