The Gollum

Well, I think it's long overdue. I know there have been times where I have mentioned that I work next to a real life Gollum (see pic above if you don't know what a Gollum is). This Gollum needs his own post. In fact the other guy I work with, who happens to be of Jewish descent, needs to be mentioned as well. Why? Because my anger towards him is second to only the Gollum. Shall we?

Gollum is a skinny bald Polish man who is so fucking annoying it's maddening. It makes you think about things like murder and murder. He looks just like a Gollum, hence the name. His english is broken, his manners are non-existent and he thinks like most Europeans do, which is that they are better then everyone else. If you have any contact with Russians like I do here in NY, you'll get my drift. Attitude.

I will now breakdown each "beef's" I have with this creature:

1. He constantly interrupts my phone conversations with ridiculous questions pertaining to a wide range of topics including but not mostly, work.
Dude, I get it. I'm at work. I'll get to whatever work I have to do when I get off the phone.
Fuck yourself and your dumb mother. Leave me be.
2. He will almost always ask a very dumb or senseless question. And he always asks me for the date. The date!! The same date that is on his calender on his desk. But he feels the need to ask me for it. Because for some reason, I am Father Almanac.
As far as the dumb, senseless questions go they range from anything like "Yo, how much is, um, you know, those things, um, oh, chapstik, how much is chapstik?" to "Hey, what subway line you use?". And then if I answer him he wants to carry a conversation about it. (If there is one thing I hate about talking to strangers it's having mindless, useless conversations. I hate them.
No I don't feel the need to talk about the weather just because we work in the same building and we happen to be in the elevator together. And no I don't care if you had a good weekend. Please don't ask me about my weekend.)
3. He always, without fail, asks me in the morning, as soon as I get in..."What's the story?"
Everyday. Everyday, the same question and everyday I say "nothing". But he keeps asking me. Sometimes he asks me this question 4 or 5 times throughout the day! What STORY!
WHAT THE FUCK! TURN AROUND AND DON'T TALK TO ME EVER! UNLESS YOUR QUITING AND IN THAT CASE JUST SLIP ME A NOTE SO I CAN GRAB ALL YOUR POST-ITS! Fuck!
4. He eats strange and smelly things from Poland. Yeah, weird shit. I don't know what it is half the time but he explains it like this: "you know, like pasta with meat but not really...it's very good for you, in my country this is how we eat, not like here, here everything is crap". Um no, if it was like pasta then it would be pasta, that bowl of shit your eating is not pasta so don't say it's like it. And he eats raw peeled Garlic. Like a piece of candy or some shit. Pshycho.
5. It seems to me that he hates America. Just by what he says. He makes his living here and has nice things but bashes the country whenever he gets a chance. He says he refuses to pay taxes, he thinks the government is corrupt and out to get him, he doesnt believe in social security, every article he tries to make me read is anti-america. He doesn't trust anyone or anything. He mails everything from the post office because he thinks mailboxes is a way that government is looking at your mail. I'm like bro, bounce if you don't like it here. Yeah we have our issues but we are the greatest country in the world biatch.
6. He fully believes that 9/11 was the government. He fully believes that Bush and the republicans ordered planes to crash into buildings and fields to kill thousands of americans so he can go to war with Iraq over oil and money. If anyone else believes that please don't read or frequent my blog anymore. Serious. Bye.
7. He swears that the US dollar is garbage and that one day, we will use the Gold Standard again. No serious. He thinks that Gold is money that we will all use it again, like the Wild West.
And he forces upon on me hundreds of right wing articles that are so ridiculous it makes real liberals look like elephants.
8. He says alot of shit that starts off with "In my country". I hate those comments. Because mostly they are arrogant and pointless. In your country, yada, yada, yada. Then go back to your country and eat dirt and be politically assasinated you hump.
9. The man wears the same pants everyday. Everyday he has on black courduroy's. Either he owns a courduroy factory or he just hasn't bought a pair of pants in 2 years. Luckily they do not smell.
10. He's always in my business. For instance as I was typing this and he saw the word "Poland" and says: "What bout Poland? What is this your writing?" Nothing. Go back to hating America.
If I'm on the phone, and he hears me say "Verizon" he'll ask me a million question about Verizon and how he likes them or dislikes them or whatever. Hey dickface. I don't want to talk to you about that because I was talking to someone else about it on my phone.
11. He never shuts up. I mean all damn day he talks. And repeats what he says. Over and over again. "What's the story" "What do ya say" "Everything is shenanigins" "Buy Gold".

This is the man I sit next to. Would you convict me if I were to do it?