Blame It On The Rain, Yeah, Yeah...

I hate it when it rains. It's just misery. I feel like being tied to a bed and getting my legs whacked over and over again. People become even more retarded than usual.
On the way home last night I had alot of people issues. Let me explain.
First of all when I open my umbrella I usually do it away from anyone so that it doesn't open in someone's face. Apparently I am the only person who does this.
Second, when walking on a crowded street or sidewalk I try not to poke anyone in the face with my umbrella and/or hold it high in the air so all the rain water falls on the people below.
Again, apparently only I practice this edict.
Lastly when I close my umbrella, I make sure I don't cause a splash that would wet anyone near me. Not the case with other people. Onto the dreaded subway.

When it rains in NYC the subway's are most usually covered in water. Making it slippery and even more smelly then usual. This is probably because they were built 100 years ago. Also the trains run slower and are typically more crowded. So with that wonderful backdrop setlet me run down my subway ride home. I get on the train at 49th st and to my surprise there is a few seats open. So I pick the one with no water on it because I don't need a rash. Next stop is Times Square. This is the first stop that inundates the train with alot of people. Seat next to me is open so I'm hoping a decent, sane human sits next to me. Remember I'm already irritated from the walk to station.Lo and behold a Chinese man plops down next to me and he smells like a stick of salami.Not dry salami but wet salami. Apparently they don't have umbrella's in China because he was soaking wet. At the same stop a pretty big white guy stands in front of me with a can of soda.Now, normally this wouldn't be so bad. But I can see where this is headed. Because he refuses to hold on to the pole. Which means this. The minute the train jerks forward, the soda is going to rise up from the can and spill on my pants and shoes. At that point it's possible that I will stand up and murder him. So I politely tell him to be careful which was code for "hold on fat fuck the train is going to pull of the station violently and if a drop of soda touches my wingtips you will die a horrible death". He heeded and held on. Needless to say the train jerked violently and he swayed but held on to the soda. Next stop a really big black woman entered stage left.She reeked of baby oil. Either she took a bath in it before she got on the train or she drank a bottle of it and is now farting out the scent. Between salami man and baby oil eater I was seeing stars. What a headache. I was praying one of them or both would get off soon. Salami man was in it for the distance. He got off a stop before mine, which is about 50 minutes from the time I got on. Mercy. Big baby oil eater got off in sunset park thank goodness, which was still longer than I wanted. Either way you look at it was a horrible ride home. This is not spell checked. I don't care, it's a rant.