Wooden spoon was brought up in the comments section of my previous post and it just brings back so many fond memories that I had to speak on it. Fucking wooden spoons. Who knew they'd be the weapon of choice for 80's mom's across the country. Heavy wood too. We ain't talking no flimsy, skinny ass spoon. Shit had some thickness and it cinked off your head you had a fucking knot. If the blow landed on your back or arm, Welt City. Fucking thing was no joke. And only Mom wielded it. Dad would beat your ass with his bare hands, mothers need the power of something because they don't hurt without one.
One time I clearly remember getting hit with it as she was using it to stir a pot of sauce. I came home from playing football and I didn't take off my pants which were caked with mud. And I just strolled into the kitchen and you know went about my business of pilfering whatever was in the fridge (there were some leftover rice balls I was thinking about consuming while I was playing football, no I'm not fat) and then on the back of my neck I get hit with a hot wooden spoon, sauce splashed assault. Fucking hurt. DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO TAKE THOSE OFF IN THE HALLWAY! OW, DID YOU HAVE USE THE HOT ONE THAT WAS IN THE SAUCE!
Fucking wooden spoon. It was a bastard. Ever get the knuckle whack one? Where she would quick strike the spoon on the back of your hand and it felt like it shattered your knuckles. Hated that. And when you busted one mom ran out and bought another one the same fucking day. Torturous.
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6 comments:
great story, ep.
"And only Mom wielded it. Dad would beat your ass with his bare hands, mothers need the power of something because they don't hurt without one."
My dad wielded a belt
ns
My older brother got the rolling pin ... my parents became kinder with age ... for me, it was a slap to the face, a good spanking, or pulling my hair until it looked like I was levitating.
I got the wooden spoon AND those little plastic slippers from dee & dee that matched the house dress. Right on my muthaeffin thigh.
rolling pin is brutal, get arressted for that today
a belt, cant feel good
the house slippers
hahahahhaha, good thing we weren't kids when thouse chinese slippers came out
I had one day where Mom DESTROYED my room with both the wooden spoon and a yardstick. Just swiping shit off my dresser and shelves. Shit was flying everywhere. Broken He-Man toys, GI Joes, Star Wars stuff, WWF ring, ceramic Halloween stuff, NERF hoop, stack of Brewers police cards...Mom went berserk on me that day. I don't even remember why, but I remember how.
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