Ojos

I'm getting Lasik.

Chelsea Eye Assoc.
LASIK

For those of you who don't know what that is (click the Lasik link), it is and eye correction surgery that is done by using a refractive laser. It corrects any vision defects you have. Since I'm 600/20 I will happily let them burn my eyes. Can't wait.

On the bottom of that link, click the video's (3 of them) to actually watch the procedure.

A million people have gotten this done and have been very pleased with the results so I'm comfortable. It seems like a bitch to go through but it's probably not that bad. Valium is good.

Hopefully I won't end up like this.

Yo Soy tu' papi

The fruit of my loins.

WOW. Unreal shit they got now adays.


Anyway we didn't want to know so don't ask but I thought I saw a uterus in the abdomen area which means it's a girl. But that could have been the liver or some other organ. I wasn't really sure what was what.

I saw a spine and a brain and a heart. So we know we ain't givin life to no coward, dummy or tinman. And that....

That's cool.

You know what? Fuck you! How about that?

I honestly have nothing.

Other than the usual, which is:

Public Transportation sucks (had to take it today for the first time since the move)

If murder was legal the Gollum would be dead.

I'm tired.

Office morons are abundant.

Beer is delicious.

Boomerang's are cool.

What's with all the scary movies lately?

Childeren of Men looks good.

"What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way! "

Man Cave

Here's how my man cave would be set-up.

Giant 60-in flat LCD hanging on main wall.

Surronded by 4 Flat 32" LCD TV's. Two on each wing.

Computer station with laptop access for up to three laptops.

Of course, surround sound speakers.

Stadium style recliners, with cup holders, small snack tray in the middle of each.

Putting green.

NBA JAMZ video arcade, Golden Tee, Touch Screen Games, Pool Table, Ping Pong Table, Foosball table, XBOX 360 (on 5th TV along side wall) and WII console.

Full Kitchenette/Bar with beer on tap, this must include a brick sytle oven.

Fridge loaded with other beers and food items.

Direct access route to Weber grill in backyard.

Soda dispenser and also the pizzeria style juice dispenser's.

A gumball machine.

A man can dream can't he?

GREEN

I love Wikipedia.

St.Patricks Day

Enjoy yours and CHEERS!

Nothing

Gollum just told me he buys butter from the villages. I don't know what this means but it makes me want to stab him with an envelope opener.

Today and tomorrow, minimum work will be done as the NCAA tourney kicks off. Easily the best two sports days of the year. If anyone cares I am in several pools. I think Georgetown will win it all.

Mastermind son of a bitch behind the 9/11 attacks
Now if we can only find that rat Bin Laden.........

Hate me Now

Here's what I hate bout Jersey City

Food. As in there is none worth spending money on.

The pizza is bland, the chinese food is so horrible I thought there was a chance I needed an ass transplant, there are no bagels to speak of, the deli's blow and even the coffee is shit (and I rarely drink coffee to know what is shit but everyone says it is and from what I did taste it's shit).

I got a eggplant parm from this place that everyone was saying to try and my god it was so bad that not even a starving wolf would eat it.

Yesterday's chinese food not only gave me a midday migraine from the MSG but it still has my stomach flipping up and down.

This coffee that I was in the mood for this am and (i'm sipping right) now taste a bit like an old sponge.

I'm not used to this being as I worked in Manhattan my whole career. And being from Brooklyn which boasts some of the best food anywhere it's a bit of a rough transition. Leftovers is key, going to have to chain my wife to the stove or grill extra meats whenever I cook.

Office Hate.....

While we are on the subject of hate, to the fat lady who wonders around our goodies please, just please save yourself the embarrassment and leave. Your 4"11 and 300 pounds, your a mess. Just go away, no you can't have that extra slice even if I'm throwing it in the garbage, no you can't have any hershey kisses, no, no, no these donuts are not for you.

I see her a mile away too, she's also the one where when your heating something up in the microwave or something and she's all in your business.
1) I dont even want to talk to you. Period.
2) I espeacially don't want to talk to you about what I'm eating.

She'll ask, MMMMMMMM smells good, what is that? NONE of your businessss....
And stop acting like you don't know what it is, cuz you smell that shit don't cha fatty.
To top it off she straight up looks like a OGRE. Ever see Shrek? Ok when the princess becomes an Ogre, that's her, dead on. It's disgusting.

Her vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard's robe

Please read this entire post in the voice of "Borat".

I think it was one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. The only gray area for me was the naked slap fight between him and the fat guy he rolls with, other than that. Pure comedic genius. Please see it. A few of my favorite parts include (spoiler alert) :

When he was in the jewish bed and breakfast, throwing money at the roaches.....

The whole etiquette bit was great, the bag of shit, the hooker, oh man just great.

The rodeo guy explaining to him about muslims and what he looks like.

The hotlanta bit with the kids playing craps which led to this gem of a line at the hotel :

"What's up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We're looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hos. "

Many many more, go rent, go buy, go watch!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Anyone see that show Scarred on MTV and MTV 2. Holy shit. Those are some fucked up injuries. By the way MTV is genius for doing this. They never seem to amaze me. MTV is must see TV at all times. Anyway here's a synopsis of the show....

"Every scar has a story. Inspired by the popular user generated clips of crashes, wipeouts and accidents that permeate the internet, Scarred is an inside look at some of the most gruesome scars from around the country. Each week, we'll track down some of these makeshift stunt men and women to find out what went wrong, what happened in the hospital, and how they got Scarred. This show is almost too painful to watch."

I love easter candy, best holiday candy hands down.

Also the awesomeness that is "300" comes out today. I suggest you be on it.
300 official website

I'm sorry MAMA, I never meant to hurt youuuu

For about 7 or 8 months I was kind of a bad seed. A real bad seed. Got caught up in the wrong crowd. Hangin by the pool hall, which my father forbade me to go to, was a bad choice. It sucked me in to some things I normally would not have done.

Breaking into cars, going along for a joyride in a stolen car, poppin the steering column off so someone else can hot wire it, holding a gun for a "friend" and stealing bikes. Also gotten into a share of fights, got jumped a few times and even got shot at via driveby (not as bad as it sounds, wrong time, wrong place type of deal, i was not a gangbanger by any means).

Breaking into cars : Take a wire hanger. Unfold it. Stick the hook part down the window (between the rubber part) when you feel a slight resistance to your pushing, move it slightly to left, then lift up the hanger. Voila. When done properly, takes 8 seconds. Max.

Joyride in a stolen vehicle : What was I going to say? No. I popped the damn collar off, I'm already guilty. We'd usually ditch the car after about 20 minutes because 5-0 was swarming in those days (mid nineties in nyc and the 5 boroughs, protect yo neck)

Poppin off the steering column : Take a flathead screwdriver, wedge it between the space in the collar (usually right at the top, dead center), wiggle it to create some space, then whack it with a hammer. Pops right off. Or take the screwdriver, wedge it inside the ignition and pop that off. Works best on 88-91 Oldsmobiles.

Holding a gun : Boy asked to hold his shit. .38 pistol . I said ok cuz it seemed like he was really in some trouble. His dad used to beat his ass daily and he didnt want him to find it. Said he had nowhere to hide it. So I hid it in my Genesis box with some games. Mom dukes never looked in there.

Stealing Bikes : So simple. First off whoever didnt lock up they bike got it thieved. And if it was locked and I liked it. I ganked it by borrowing a pair of clippers from the pizzeria I went to. I had more bikes than Toys'R' Us. Kept them chained in the alley of my boys building.

Not a path I would want my child to travel. But what the fuck, it is what it is. I'm over it, you should be too.

What I failed to mention is that I was only 14 years old. What I also failed to mention was once I moved down to Florida for awhile I got back into the crime persona I mastered as a young teen.
Selling weed, drag racing and shoplifting. The latter got me my first (and last) arrest.

Shoplifting was always something that came easy to me. I rarely paid for a bag of chips or gum at any bodega I frequented. Once that thrill left it was time for bigger and better things. Stealing a basketball from the park was not doing it anymore. I figured clothing would get a little more of a rise. The plan I devised was simple. Since the devices on the clothes made walking out with them difficult I would try a new way. Switching the tags. I figured I would take a tag that would scan @ 9.99 and put that tag on a pair of Mecca jeans that cost 59.99.

What a dumb idea. As soon as the lady rang me up some big peckerhead was escorting me to the back. Cops arrested me, released me since I was 18. Had to go to court and because I had a speeding ticket for $250 (I was racing and going 130 mph on a residential street) I got served with 1 year probation. From that day, I walked a straight arrow. I stopped selling pot, I stopped drag racing and just stopped being a delinquent. Ended up moving back to brooklyn, went to school and got this sweet ass job on Wall St.

Fairy Tales do come true bitches.

What's up with it, Vanilla face?

Lordz of Beerz is a new Beer blog I started along with some LOV members.
It will chronicle the many beers I consume as well as other beers other guys may consume.
Today was the first post so I'm giving it an advertisement.

Also let me introduce one of my biz-yoz who started his own blog. Check him out here : Wolf
Cat from Brooklyn I chill wit.

Also busy tryin to revamp the tshirt site linked to the left (Tjokes.com).
I've noticed a little more traffic than usual so I'm paying attention to that again.

Oh last thing, don't forget to pick up Borat today.

Hot Route

I just wanted to throw something up cuz I'm sick of looking at Tuesday's post. Since that day however my work as increased greatly. Not so much from the market volatility but overall in other areas too. I'm a busy man.

I'll have something shortly, wanna talk about my juvenile delinquencies......

Stay Tuned.

Oh yeah, one quick thing.

I've mentioned it before but I need to again. To the guy/girl who walks into the elevator and presses the button that's already lit up. Die. Just contract the worst diesease and die. you don't deserve Earth.

Da Bulls and Da Bears

The Bulls are running away...........


















But the Bears are here to stay





















Dow Jones lost 3.29% today, down 415.54
Nasdaq lost 3.86%, down 96.65
S&P was downed by 50.17 a full 3.46%

Ouch.

It was a global market plunge, China started it off with a retarded 9.1% drop, Europe quickly followed with thier own plunge and we followed suit.

If you were on the short side today, your eating gulf coast shrimp covered in gold flakes with Johnnie Walker Blue and truffle soup. Enjoy it you rich makret manipulating fucks.

I'm a dirty hairy man

things to do in the pocono's :

poker
nba 2k7 marathon
halo, split screen (4 guys)
cook ribs
sledding
skiing
ping pong
taboo board game
watch sports
foosball
darts
drink beer

good times


I'm growing in a goatee, hence the title. My wife hates it, of course.

Wouldn't these look super fly with a Oakland A's jersey

Sonny had five fingers, but he only used three

Sportin a wicked hangover from last night

Sweet Sixteen, my cousin. It was cool.

Oscars this Sunday, who you rooting for?
I want Marty to get one, that would be nice. Jim Carrey's 23 comes out today. I'm interested but will wait till dvd, obviously. Don't really go to the moves much. Unless it's a blockbuster I will have none of it. Oh and in case you haven't seen "The Departed" I don't know what your waiting for. Get on that bus.

I got nothing. Here are two great movie schitks. Have a terrible weekend.

"Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to." - Col Jessep

"Well, fuck you, too. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gekko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fuel fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinsky, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass. Fuck Naturelle Riviera, I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar sipping on club sodas, selling whisky to firemen, cheering the Bronx bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place." - Monty Brogan

No title

I have to update my side bar for some of these sites I frequent.

First I'll list them here........

Met fans
Adam Rubin
Metsblog

Other sports sites (in addition to ESPN, MLB, NFL, etc)
Lines
Deadspin
NBA Rumors
College Football News

News (of course CNN, Yahoo, etc)
Drudge
What Time is it?
Reuters

Stocks (news and stocks go hand in hand)
NYSE
Da street
WSJ

Movies
Database, movies
Jo Blow
Not Starring In

I was gonna list my favorites (sites you frequent) it's too long and I'm not that bored, yet.

Ashes to Ashes

Ash Wednesday:
"Remember, man, that you are dust
And unto dust you shall return."

A Holy day on the Catholic calendar. I'm not exactly a good Catholic.
Hell, I swear, I drink, I had sex before marriage, I think dirty things every 10 seconds and never go to church. Who am I kidding? I drove by St. Mary's this morning to get some ashes on my forehead but it was a mass and I didn't have time. So now on lunch I plan on walking around to find a church doling out ashes. Gotta make that sacrifice.

Now if your religious today is a big day for you. Your probably fasting, abstaining from meat and asking god for forgiveness for all your sins. I'm not. But I'm wondering today if I should.
See, I have a minor announcement to make. I'm having a kid. Wife's almost 5 months now so yeah El Pad slipped one past the goalie. Got me thinking, do i want to raise my child like I was raised, as far as going to church, religion, cdc etc, etc.? Or do I want a heathen child?

Maybe I should start caring bout religion or at least pretend I do. For the kid. Today would be a great day to start. Gotta think of something to sacrafice. Beer is out of the question, baby steps man. Baby steps.

I'll start with trying to eat a little more healthy. Maybe no junk food or soda, candy etc.
We'll see how that goes. I'll just have to concentrate on not eating meat today and every Friday til Easter. I've done it before, it just seems to have more purpose now.

Here's to Hallmark

This is how I feel about today.

And oh yeah, the Ice storm was a nice touch God. Thanks

This aint a scene it's a god dam's arms race

the voices in my head are starting again

if i had a piano, i would play "Hello" by Lionel Richie

Peroni beer is quite possibly, my favorite import as of right now. It's true.

Persia, STEP OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

That UTAH thing is fucked up.

I hate office ogre's. there is this guy who walks around like a god dam clydesdale.
so fucking loud
i feel like throwing him an onion to see if he eats it

i prefer cactus over bamboo

i hate country music but johnny cash is awesome

burping makes me happy

a nice beef stew in the winter is all a man needs

why does dora the explorer talk two languages?

remember that valentine's day is for suckers and show off's
dont give in

idiocracy was a good 84 minutes, rent it

flags of our fathers = excellent, can't wait for letters from iwo jima

the gollum pours some black juice in every drink he drinks, what a psycho
jim henson couldnt create a character like this guy
no really
surreal

i dont know if i ever mentioned it here but shout out to rev (linked to the right)
for the tastycake package he sent me in december that arrived january
delicious stuff, it was a thank you for the bagels i sent him to pay for a bet we made
good guy that rev

wintry mix tomorrow, yay
i may start off the day with a hottie tottie in the am, wink.........

godspeed col steve austin

Stings the nostrils

Here's to hoping the Red Hot Chili Peppers win that Album of the year award this Sunday night @ the Grammy's. It was one of thier best works ever.

Snow (Hey Oh)
Come to decide that the things that I tried were in my life just to get high on.
When I sit alone, come get a little known
But I need more than myself this time.
Step from the road to the sea to the sky, and I do believe that we rely on
When I lay it on, come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice.

Hey oh... listen what I say oh
I got your hey oh, now listen what I say oh

When will I know that I really can't go
To the well once more - time to decide on.
Well it's killing me, when will I really see, all that I need to look inside.
Come to belive that I better not leave before I get my chance to ride,
Well it's killing me, what do I really need - all that I need to look inside.

Hey oh... listen what I say oh
Come back and hey oh, look at what I say oh

The more I see the less I know
The more I like to let it go - hey oh, woah...
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow,
Finally divided by a word so undecided and there's nowhere to go;
Inbetween the cover of another perfect wonder and it's so white as snow,
Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed and there's nowhere to go.

Ho!
Went to descend to ammend for a friend of the channels that had broken down.
Now you bring it up, I'm gonna ring it up - just to hear you sing it out.
Step from the road to the sea to the sky, and I do belive what we rely on,
When I lay it on, come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice

Hey oh... listen what I say oh
I got your hey oh... listen what I say oh

The more I see, the less I know
The more I like to let it go - hey oh, woah...
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow.
Finally divided by a word so undecided and there's nowhere to go
Inbetween the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow
Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed and there's nowhere to go.

I said hey hey yeah oh yeah, tell my love now.
Hey hey yeah oh yeah, tell my love now.

Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow,
Finaly divided by a word so undecided and there's nowhere to go.
Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow...
Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed and there's nowhere to go.

I said hey oh yeah oh yeah... tell my love now
Hey yeah yeah... oh yeah.

NUBA

As promised, the b-ball jersey's.....