0.08%

Driving under the influence. Those 4 words scare the shit out of me. I mean I drink all the time, no matter where I am but normally I trust myself enough to know when I should be driving and when I should be handing the keys over to someone else. BUT. That's doesn't mean I am under the legal limit of 0.08%. How would one know that without a breathalyzer in the car? They say if your Blood Alcohol Content is 0.08% that your under the influence. But I disagree. I know when I'm "under" the influence and chances are my limit is more than 0.08%. Only because I am an experienced drinker. Not because I'm smart. Let's get that straight.

How many times do you think you've driven a car after having a couple of cocktails? Ok. Good. And how many times do you think you were over the legal limit? You have no clue. I know. That's scary.

Let's say your at your boy's house watching the game and you've had 6 beers but you've ate 2 slices of pizza, 41 pretzels and some mixed nuts. Let's also say you pissed twice, once right before you leave the house. For sake of argument your not fat, even though you probably are, but your about my size. 5 foot 10, 185 lbs. What do you think your BAC would be?

Well, let's say you driving home, your going through a yellow light but it's a fast light and it blinks red quicker than you thought. Out of nowhere sirens are blaring and before you know it your on the shoulder of the road preparing to tell the officer that you've been drinking. Has to be a terrible feeling. Because the scumbag wants you to feel like you've done something wrong. Do you lie to him? When he asks have you been drinking what do you say? Yes. Or no. If you forgot to clean your mouth with a stick of Orbitz gum your breath might stink of beer and garlic powder. When he asks if you are willing to take a breathalyzer test what do you say? If you say no, at least in NY your immediately arressted for "suspicion of driving under the influence" and the only way to clear your record is to take a blood test that will show your BAC at the time was below the limit. If you reject the request to take a blood test the arrest will stick and you will be punished accordingly. So you take the breathalyzer test and you blow a 0.0816%. Now your name is Your Fucked because your going to get arressted. And your fine. You explain to your family that your fine, you could drive to Alberquerqe if you wanted to. But by law, your a drunk. Your a criminal drunk. And that my friends. Sucks.

Saturday is my birthday and we are going out to dine on tacos and beers. Two of my favorite things in the world. Cheap Mexican beer, cheap mexican food. Yes please. But you know what, I might turn down the last round so I can get home under the legal limit. And if I'm not under the legal limit, which there is a good chance I won't be, I hope I don't get pulled over.

Take no chances after you had a few. Stop for the yellow lights. Full stop at all stop signs. Don't speed. Let's admit, if your swerving your drunk and you don't know yourself. And you should get arressted. We like to sit here on our high horses and laugh at celebs and atha-leets who get busted for DUI's all the time. But we are no better. I know a girl who had a glass of wine on an empty stomach and drove home. She got pulled over (for driving like a women) and blew a smidge over 0.08%. Shocked as she was she admitted to having a glass of wine. The steel braceletes are cold. Real cold.

You guys be safe out there and know your limits. And if all else fails move to New Zealand where the legal limit is 0.15%!!!! Holy fuck that's like a 12 pack!