DAY.........Off

Taking the day off, totally. Haven't even searched the web today. Don't even know what the market is doing. Nice long break. See ya tomorrow ya humps.

Mango Salsa

Why am I not at home watching the March Madness right now?

My summer loafers, khakis, blue shirt, light leather jacket. First day of spring.
I walk outside this morning. It's snowing. Good one Jehovah. Your a funny cat.

So a pack of vagrant drug dealers moved in across the street about two weeks ago. About 1am Sat morning the wife tells me undercover DT cars and about 6 squad cars roared up the block and rounded them up. She's scared now. I told her to relax. They ain't Mexican druglords. Nothing a lousiville slugger to the face won't fix. Besides, we have an army in that neighborhood.

Everyone sign up for Twitter. It's micro-blogging.

Facebook is for people living in the past. And also for nosey people. Gossip beeyotches.

Ladies do you name your tits? Just asking.

1 trillion dollars would be sweet

You ever get so hungry that you actually fell the acids in your belly eating your stomach inside out. Or is it me.

Meetings on Friday's should be banned. Dead serious about that.

Everyone see Barack Obamer is still out there on the election trail. Leno, picking NCAA games, parties every week....pssst. Barack. You won. Get to work because the people you picked for the cabinet I wouldn't pick any of them to change a fucking light bulb. So stop leaving them alone to say dumb things and skirt tax laws.

I Search The Internet So You Don't Have To

No, I don't watch wrestling anymore although I should but here is a nice little tribute to Mankind. Mick Foley.
(Gunaxin)

Charlotte, NC getting a shot in the arm.
(Charlotte Observer)

AIG bonus timeline.
(Clusterstock)

Man living in Setroit really sucks now.
(Freep)

Medical Marijauna in Michigan.
(Chicago Tribune)

Listen strippers make good money ok. Don't judge.
(Yahoo)

You can't stop nuclear growth you can only hope to contain it.
(Reuters, UK)

I Love You Man is something I want to see. AV Club sat down with both goofball actors and things got funny.
(AV Club)

Iraq, 6 years later.
(Time)

I Search The Internet So You Don't Have To

Look how quick the democrats turn on each other. It's quite refreshing.
(Bloomberg)

Chicago wants the 2016 Summer games.
(Chicago Tribune)

Should we move to Denver?
(Denver Post)

NBC Greenlights "A Capella" singing competition.
(Variety)

AIG employees watching the horror unfolding. Great piece, nice job by the Wash Post for this story.
(Wash Post)

Underwater volcanoe's are the shit.
(NY Times)

He's aging well.
(La Times)

As another city grows (Denver, see above) another city stops growing.
(Las Vegas Review)

Reverse stock split for Citigroup.
(Yahoo Finance)

I Search The Internet So You Don't Have To

Dems can't blame Bush for this one. They had the leverage two weeks ago to ensure that AIG would be respnsible with any federal money.
(Yahoo Finance)

Obama got a bonus from AIG too.
(Examiner)

Name your own price.....when you hit up this Diner.
(Cnn)

Paul Rudd piece in NYT.
(NY Times)

Mike Strahan in a new sitcom. No really.
(Variety)

Man that Natasha Richardson actress is really dead. That's pretty fucking sad.
(NY Daily News)

Seattle Post Intelligencer goes to online content only, here is a timeline.
(Seattle PI)

First arrest in the Madoff scandal is: The Accountant!
(Huff Po)

Obama's bracket.
(ESPN.com)

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Amateur Day. A.K.A St. Patrick's Day.

When all the bars are flooded with amateur drinkers. Professionals like myself don't go out to bars on St. Patricks Day for that simple reason. Stepping over piles of puke, getting elbowed left and right, dealing with beer muscle symdrome, and passed out teenagers. I like to enjoy a black and tan in a Irish Pub with some corned beef on rye. Boiled potatoes with cabbage on the side. Man that's St. Patty's day, not a crowd of amateur drinkers posturing on you.

I Search The Internet So You Don't Have To

Not out of the woods yet. Bernanke is either playing it too close or is scared shit.
(Bloomberg)

Great piece on former CEO of Imclone. Remember him? Remember Martha Stewart?
(NY Mag)

Travel deals for the poor.
(Time)

David Chase's new HBO series.
(Variety)

Nice whip.
(Wired)

When I think St. Patty's day I think of great corned beef from an Irish pub in midtown or downtown (Beckett's) and I think of the Chicago River dyed green.
(Chicago Tribune)

St. Patrick
(Catholic.org)

Kill yourself. If you were on the AIG board what would you do?
(AP News)

A little devil's advocate on the AIG bonuses story.
(NY Times)

Down by the river.

I LIVE IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.



One of Farley's best skits.

Brunch readin

The end of VIRGIN Record stores in the U.S.
(Reuters)

AC not recession proof. Wonder how Vegas is doing?
(Reuters)

World Trade construction taking some life. I see it almost daily from taking the PATH train that runs beneath it. Click on the slideshow.
(NY Observer)

MacGyver. The Movie.
(We Are Movie Geeks)

What is the deal with Japan and robots?
(Breitbart.com)

More VG wars as Sony may cut the price of PS3's.
(Bloomberg)

Don Imus has prostate cancer. That sound you hear is a squeal from Al Sharpton.
(NY Times)

Subway Movie

I think I'll take a cab home tonight.

Shark Fight

Man fights Tiger Shark. Man wins.

Nola.com article on the above Outside Magazine link.

The guy comes off remorseful but it sure does seem like he picked this fight. I just overall have a problem with hunters and deep sea fisherman. I don't find joy in killing animals unless I am eating them to survive. Pretty incredible story though.

Let me just ask you though. Let's say a Shark walks into your house and starts walking around picking up shit, leaving his wet feet on the floor, now you have to mop and shit. Then he kills you. Sounds sucky. Jus sayin.

Afternoon Reading

Mexican druglords have American sleeper cells just over the border. Here is a story of a pair that were jailed.
(Cnn)

Mickey D's around the world.
(Gunaxin)

Travis Henry and the story of his brood.
(NY Times)

Sears Tower is dead. Meet the Willis Tower.
(Chicago Sun-Times)

Babcock and Brown, a investment bank in Australia, bit the dust. Big news over there. Like Lehamn Bros. of Australia.
(The Australian)

Interesting article about where those stimulus funds go. Or do they go?
(Baltimore Sun)

Berkshire lost the AAA rating.
(CNBC.com)

6 Ot's but Cuse gets it done, what a tremendous game this was.
(ESPN.com)

Rest well tonight Bernie

Bernie sleeps here tonight.

Bernie slept here last night.

(Clusterstock)

Mornin' reads

I think it's important to be aware of outside economies, especially a country like China.
(NY Times)

I know a good idea when I see one. To become a Senator you should get votes.
(NY Times)

Jamie Dimon tells Obama indirectly to stop talking shit or else.
(Bloomberg)

I wonder how American is going to prove he used them fraudulently.
(Chicago Sun Times)

Wait there is cocaine in Coke?
(Ground Report)

Joaquin Pheonix is at it again.
(Page2live via Palm Beach Post)

Madoff pleading guilty this morning.
(WCBSTV.com NY)

Denver has strange liquor laws.
(Denver Post)

Jesus the Laugh out Loud kid must feel a bit like crap today. German kid warns all on internet minutes before "giving them hell".
(Cnn.com)

This guy sucks at suicide.
(Cnn.com)

Cinco De Puncho

This is why when I used gambled on Boxing, I would always wager on the Mexican.

Big Mexican Punch-Up
by DiagonalView

New Giants Stadium In Place

Final beam put up at the new Giants Stadium. Suite.

Mornin' reads

Magic man shipped himself. Apparently.
(Palm Beach Post)

Who the fuck does Nancy Pelosi think she is? She's such a twat.
(Fox News)

Columbine in Germany.
(Cnn.com)

Economist has a war correspondent travelling with an infantry in Afghanistan. Good journalism here.
(Economist)

Horriffic shooting spree in Alabama.
(WFSA.com vis Drudge)

We are watching 1MM potetntial terrorists.
(USA Today)

Obama's staff is already tarnishing that shine.
(Salon.com)

I spilled honey inside my desk so I had to google how to clean it up.
(Cooking.net)

Beer quotes.
(Gunaxin.com)

Today's NY Times

Daily Madoff link. Obsessed Maybe. Update: Via Bloomberg, Madoff pleading guilty, no plea deal. (NY Times)

Is there a price on the himan life?
(NY Times)

The lost art of the Irish Pub. Me personally, I love Irish pubs and not just on St. Patrick's Day.
(NY Times)

Your kid is dumb because your Dad is an old fuck.
(NY Times)

Snip

Vasectomy madness!
(via CNBC.com)

Why did god make it easier for a man to get sterilized than a woman? We will never know the answer to that.

"There are some variations on the procedure such as no-scalpel (keyhole) vasectomies, in which a sharp hemostat, rather than a scalpel, is used to puncture the scrotum."

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Fuck.

Mornin' reads

The Atlantis in Dubai. Dubai sounds like an amazing place. Too bad I have zero desire to go there. Not like I can afford to but whatever. It's sand and princes.
(LA Times)

To say I'm obsessed with this Madoff scandal is to say fat people like cookies.
(Vanity Fair)

Maybe this is what is wrong with the country. Cue up REM's "Losing my Religion".
(Google News)

Electronic games, our childhood 80's kids. Soak it in.
(Wired)

Mark to market accounting rules and how they affect the reportings of GE, whose stock is traidng no more than a 6 pack of light bulbs.
(Bloomberg)

Talk in movie quotes.
This book is right up my alley, I talk in movie quotes all the time.
(Cnn.com, Amazon.com)

China getting their piss all hot saying we broke some naval law or some shit. Relax gooks, chances are you did something wrong.
(Reuters)

Ape's can plan to harm you just as well as woman can. FACT.
(Apnews.com)

Failure

You lose.

2 more

Speaking of the Oracle, he was on Squawk Box this morning. Here it is.
(CNBC.com)

I bet this shit it worth a pretty penny.
(NY Times)

SNL Wins, Geithner loses

SNL abuses Geithner. That moron who is Secretary of Treasury.

Brunch readin

North Korea flexing those tiny muscles again. Bunch of homos.
(Breitbart.com)

NY Times is broke. My question is why they own 17.8% of the Boston Red sox?
(Yahoo Finance)

Jim Cramer, he's the best. Talks about his critics and the current administration.
(MainStreet.com)

Mexican cartels operating through Atlanta.
(USA Today)

Some Hippie wants to sail a boat made of plastic bottles to Australia. Good luck with that
(Cnn.com)

Cracked.com hilarious take on Nic Cage movies.
(Cracked.com)

Interactive Chart on Obama's first days, none of them include ruining the country even more.
(AJC.com)

Play Duck Hunt. Your welcome.

AIG, help them

We need to continue funding AIG. We cannot allow it to fail. Hear me out.

The problem with letting a company like AIG fail is what will fail around it. See AIG insured just about everything that has been fucked up with the economy. Failed mortgages, credit default swaps, the 38 billion it backs money funds with, and the 19 trillion in life insurance policies that people might redeem early or withdraw money from. It's a tangled web. Much like Lehman Brothers they have thier hand in just about everything. Even The Oracle (Buffet) thinks we should not let AIG fail.

Credit default swap, in case you don't know what they are, is a derivitive contract. An agreement exists between two counterparties, a buyer and a seller. Most often these contracts are considered insurance since a premium is involved. And I used considered lightly because they are not an insurance product. So here is the breakdown.

Buyer makes a series of payments to seller in exchange, receives a payoff if a company credit instrument (bond, loan) goes into default. If there is no default and the credit rating holds the buyer loses the money he has paid. If there is a default the buyer gets paid whatever the basis points were on the contract.

Example: Buy 2 year contract on Citigroup for up to 1MM in protection. 50 basis points.
Buyer pays $50,000 a year until expiration.

Default happens, buyer gets 1MM.
Default doesn't happen, buyer loses $100,000

Reasons for doing something like this would be #1, Speculation. #2, Hedging. Now there are other strategies that goes along with this instruments but that's for another day as they are quite involves and sometimes difficult to understand. Especially for you beginner's. Credit default swaps are however the #1 traded derivitive.

Weekend Reading

Nyc was abuzz this weekend, temps in the 60's. Everyone walking around taking it in. Old Man Winter whupped that ass so the people were thirsty for a warm day. It was nice. Ready for Spring?


When Big Resumes Chase Small Jobs
(WSJ)

Hybrids losing value too, with gas normal now.
(USAToday)

This guy hates facebook as much as me.
(Weekly Standard)

Obama extending the olive branch to Cuba.
(Guardian UK)

Americana

A train trip across the country? I'm, in. Sound cool. Mildly boring but cool.

Afternoon Reading

My first question is how much is this costing? My second question is if it's more than 50 million can't it wait? My third question is, does anyone really care if another life form exists outside of or planet?
(cnn.com)

Time waxes poetic on nationalization of banks.
(Time)

Obama, the most prolific orator of our time. Funny.
(Politico.com)

Your early Summer 09 Blockbusters.
(Variety.com)

Luxury stadiums seemed like a good idea.
(WSJ)

Mango Salsa

Bronchitis is a good diet.

The best diet however is a toothache or any kind of oral surgery (wisdom teeth, root canal, extraction, etc.)

I love how the old guy is talking about the Chris Brown/Rihanna thing like he's up on it. Settle down old guy. You can be hip if you want to.

30 Rock is the only network show I watch. I do watch Office re-runs though.

Twitter is some weird shit but I'm on it if anyone cares.

Apollo 13 is a very good movie. Kings of Queens makes me laugh and the Price is Right is just not the same since Bob left. Just clearing up some sick TV viewing.

I can smell the grass in the outfield.....baseball is upon us.

I was thinking if I went totally gray I'm just gonna rock it. Fuck hair dye. Shit looks unnatural and harmful.

Nerds. Bumpy. Jelly. Beans.

Guido Beach

Wow. Guido's. Entertainment, entertainment, entertainment.



(via Barstoolsports.com)

The F in Fugly

Ugliest pussy I've ever seen.

A Legend in Slovenia

Let me see Bear Gryills or Les Miles think of some shit like this.

Jesus? Jesus is that you!

A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it. Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains.

He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out. But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through. He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported. He said: “I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I’m glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there.”
(hat tip to CajunBoy for the link via outsidethebeltway.com)

Mornin' Links

I'm home sick. Really really sick but I am perusing the web and updating the site today. That's called boredom. Here are the morning links I've scooped.

Even 529 college plans have taking a hit.
(Bloomberg)

Another reason not to go to the movies, I'll be honest. Theater chains cannot like all this technology that allows viewers and potential customers to stay at home and watch the best movies.
(CNET)

BOFA head guy Kenneth Lewis owning up to a "tactical error". One day I'll wax poetic on all this stuff. No energy right now.
(FT.com)

This warms my heart. Not only do I think Global Warming is bullshit but all of the champions of the initiative are intolerable.
(FoxNews.com)

Come on man. Samoa's are totally worth a real $20. Someone is going to hell.
(MSN.com)

Monopoly Movie?

Monopoly movie? Really?

Unbelievable ass whipping of a 15 year old. Sad.

I really don't know what to say here. I mean there is police brutality and then there is this. It's obvious this guy needs to die. If this happens in my family, lights out. There is no way this guy would still be walking properly.
VIA Seattle Times

NyQuil please

I have a massive cold. Hot, cold, feverish, chest, nose, throat. It's from that little rodent mexican kid krooping on the N train the other day. He's infested me with The Aztec Whopping cough. Little bastard.

Mornin' reads

Woe is me.
(CNN.com)

Mary Jane available in 13 states, DEA will stop fucking wit you.
(MSNBC.com)

Rush Limbaugh is under the Dems skin. Again.
(Chicago Tribune)

Mel Gibson is channeling Col. Sanders.
(/Film.com)

He comes in peace.
(Telegraph.com)

Marine One blueprints found in IRAN.
(Drudge)

Top ten Bball sneakers.
(Gunaxin.com)

Paul Rudd can puke

Well that ended badly. Trailer from Rudd's latest "I Love You Man".

Louis CK

My favorite comedian right now.



Have a nice weekend.

Death of a Newspaper

Stop the presses, Rocky Mountain News shuts down.


Final Edition from Matthew Roberts on Vimeo.

VIA, for the last time, THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS

It's always sad to see a national newspaper go. Especially one that has been around forever. RIP.

What a jerkoff

Damn. You can't even jerk-off on an airplane anymore. What is this world coming too.

Mornin' reads

Who would pay $1500 for a cockatoo anyway?
(The Smoking Gun)

Snow mobilers are rude.
(WSJ)

Tom Brady's career is over.
(US Weekly)

former White House dogs in pictures.
(Time)

Shrinking baseball players?
(NY Times)

Internet Pimps

Fucking internet pimping. Fuck.

Quite troubling. By the time my daughter is 16 who the fuck knows what kind of sick shit will be out there. Granted most of these girls are labeled as "troubled" but at that age, they are gullible and I can assure you normal girls get sucked into shit like this as well.

This guy has the IQ of a fucking grape.

Hi, I'm Joe Biden and I'm wrong again.

GM

GM posts 9.6 billion dollar loss.

To stem these massive losses I think GM and other automakers should re-assess their current business models and come up with a different one. One idea I thought about was scratching the whole assembly line thing and build cars on a order basis. That way you don't stuck with a million cars a year too old. All these massive lots with thousands of cars that nobody buys seems like a bad business move to me.

Go to dealer.
Pick a car.
Car gets ordered.
Car is yours 2 weeks or 3 weeks later.

Too out there?

hot links

New Seinfeld reality show in the works.
(thrfeed.com)

Mexican drug cartels affecting US. Wait, is this 1970 again?
(Salt-Lake Tribune)

Octo-mom offered a porn contract. Yikes.
(SF Chronicle)



via Sports By Brooks

Funny but racist. I like racist jokes though so this gets some play. Mayor it apologizing, of course.

The Godfather

The Godfather.

Stunning piece on how this movie, this classic was made. Inside the production meetings, Puzo's story, etc. Fascinating stuff.

Real Healthy

What is going on here? I love how the kids are responding. Real Healthy.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

(todaysbigthing.com)

Afternoon Reading

Pete Whener's take on Obama's speech. Carefully read the part about no mention of national security nor no NEW DETAILS on the deployment of 17,000 new troops to Afghanastan. (Commentary Magazine)

Primates are not pets. (NY Times)

Oh yeah Kim Khardashian is sorry for showing the world she has a pet chimp. (NY Daily News)

Slumdog guy buying slum kids new slums to live in. That's nice. ( Daily Mail)

Sen. Byrd tells Obama to slow down with all the appointments. (Politico)

Can Beer Pong spread herpies? (Palm Beach Post)

Topless Coffee Shop in Maine. (Boston.com)

Tree Man

I'm guessing this sucks.

Dede Koswara -- dubbed "Tree Man" because of the massive bark-like warts all over his body -- waits at the Bandung hospital on February 9. Koswara has undergone a ninth round of surgery to remove more of the growths.
(AFP/File/Pikiran Rakyat)

Speech

Is it me or does the president talk in cliche's? State of Union address was last night and it was long and a bit self-serving. I got nothing out of it other than "America will get better". Again, no specifics but plenty of pom-pom waving and plenty of cliche's. What troubled me the most, well besides not mentioning terrorism until about 45 minutes in and that was only in passing was how the President would take shots, still, at the old adminstration. Barack, you won. It's over. Your not campaiging. Your coming across as a sore winner, as a hypocrite and most of all as an asshole. Some of the "lowlights".

"Not because I'm not mindful of the massive debt we've inherited — I am."
Asshole, asshole, asshole.

"I understand that on any given day, Wall Street may be more comforted by an approach that gives banks bailouts with no strings attached and that holds nobody accountable for their reckless decisions. But such an approach won't solve the problem. "
Attacking Wall Street again. And Sean Penn called him an elegant man?

"I will not spend a single penny for the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive, but I will do whatever it takes to help the small business that can't pay its workers or the family that has saved and still can't get a mortgage."
So were taking jobs away from the fincancial sector and giving them to small business? Got it. Does Obama know that regualr people work at these Wall Street firms? To the tune of about 2 million US jobs? Probably more. Of course not. Because he lacks the experience to know this. Also it's not only Wall Street execs that have job perks like private jets, huge furnished offices, large amounts of cocaine and Cristal fountains. Every American CEO has those perks. Heads of law firms, construction companies, retail stores, franchise owners, SPORTS OWNERS, etc. Not to mention government heads as well.

"It reflects the stark reality of what we've inherited — a trillion dollar deficit, a financial crisis and a costly recession."
Oh look another shot at Bush. What a great guy.

The entire speech in TEXT format.

Link, Bye Beer

Top 6 Financial Meltdown commentaries.

Good stuff.

Unrelated on the eve of Ash Wednesday I will be eating a hanger steak wrapped in bacon and a copious amount of Brooklyn Lager. As I bid beer farewell for 40 days (cept Sundays). Godspeed.

Star H.S Woman B-baller, Maybe

If this is a woman I'll eat a bag of thumbtacks.

Afternoon Reading

Many, many towns like this all over the country. Housing market was tremendously over-valued and I know I ain't exactly saying something we don't already know but here it is in black and white.

Not getting any better, I'm afraid this will be the case all year. I look towards September to be a breakout/bounceback begininng.

Great Mardi Gras Pics here.

To get out of the budget Cali may seek to tax pot.

Ledger's next movie.

Mental note : When drunk do not jump in a bear cage.

Cave Dwellings

Ok, no serious. Dude that lives in a cave is even getting foreclosed on!

Check this shit out!

Actual story

No more politics today

The idiocracy of Eric Holder's comments regarding race in America is so strong I am choosing not to comment on it. I would like to pass along this article about the rising GOP Star Bobby Jindal. No more politics today.

LOSER

DUDE! STFU.

Serious, why would you want to care for 8 kids if you didn't tap that ass? Is this guy a moron or what? What a loser.

Chandra Levy case

Glad the parents will finally get some closure.

I read an article this morning about the Condit fellow (which you can find here) who was first accused of having something to do with Levy's disappearance. Turns out he was not but it's not to say he's moved on. He has unsuccessfully tried to run a ice-cream business in Arizona.

Murder at 1600 was a decent enough movie.

Maddoff the Cunt

NY Mag piece on Bernie Madoff, written from a friend's perspective.

He is such a cunt.

Free Throw Dunk

Better than Jordan's or anyone else's free throw Dunk. By far.

Slumming it

Watching the Oscars from the slums of Mumbai, India.

You know, typical Sunday evening.

Mornin' reads

Drug Cartels taking over Mexico, quite shocking except the exact opposite.

Sad story. 11 year old shot his stepmother.

Follow up to Rick Santelli's rant.

FAA learns from their mistakes. Slowly.

Bittersweet award for Heath.

Gubment will make sure no more banks fail.

Rum and coke

Sorry for the sad chimp story below.
Find this picture enlightening. Do it this weekend.

Awful story in Esquire

One of the worst stories I ever read.

-thanks to Cajun Boy for linking it first

Real pic btw......

Biff gets bagged

Nate bangs it on Biff.

Roland Burris Step on Down

Burris asked to step down.

Man, what a rough week. Look at the shitstorm Obama's hold Senate seat started. Not by his fault but shit, Chicago politics not looking very shiny right now.

Afternoon Reading

Seems as if Iran is building that nuclear weapon after all.

Oscar odds, seems as if Ledger is a stone cold lock to win BSA. I'm pulling for Rourke and Tomei. Unrelated, I want to marry Tomei.

Whoop that trick.

Sick part of me wonders what else here and that monkey did. Jesus man, it's a animal.

Bin Laden is here.

Today's picture of the day!

Old Man Winter

Dear Winter,

Please go away.

Love,

Everyone who is sick and tired of your old ass.

Speaking of weather how about the best job in the world? Meteorologists seem to be gainfully employed despite not being so good at your job. In what other profession can you not be right more than half of the time? If you were 50% wrong at your current job what would happen? I'm guessing you wouldn't be employed much longer. Local forecasters this past week predicted snow three different times. All three times it did not snow. Losers.

Poor/Rich it doesn't matter

Wow, top to bottom recession?

Maybe the Real Housewives of everywhere will all die now.

Dressed well

Suite tie.

I'm off to the monthly SIFMA Credit Division dinner.

Chicago Tea Party

Rick Santelli video

Back story, Rick is a floor reporter in the business sector for CNBC. Today he went on a little rant on the housing bill Obama is shoving down our throats. Here is the quote of the day:

"The government is promoting bad behavior... do we really want to subsidize the losers' mortgages... This is America! How many of you people want to pay for your neighbor's mortgage? President Obama are you listening?

(Misc trader) : "How about we all stop paying our mortgage! It's a moral hazard"

So in essence. Why are we rescuing people's mortagages and not allowing banks to seize properties they know should own? Because Obama said so?

Snapple talk for a moment

When I was a kid my dad used to bring home cases of Snapple soda's. Mostly two flavors though, Cherry Lime Rickey and Root Beer. Man I could taste the root beer one now. I have been searching high and low, everything short of emailing the CEO of the company directly to find them and have come up with nothing. If anyone out there as seen this please let me know. Or the Cherry Lime Rickey which I can't even find a pic of. Oh Snapple related see their Wiki page which shows a list of all the Snapple facts that were "de-bunked". Quite funny.

One more Snapple related link, here.

Carry on.

Starbury waits for the bus

Via Slam Online





Seems as if Starbury has some time on his hands.

Wow, Weird.

This is the weirdest thing I ever seen in my life. When the little one does the split, then pops it AND locks it, wow.

motherfucking source : (The Internet Is Terrible)

Mornin' reads

What to read this morning:

Is Obama winging it?

Satelite crash remnants?

Looks LA solved that little crisis thing earlier this morning.

Conan getting ready to go out the door.

How Mickey Rourke's agent got his career back on track.

RIP Shea Stadium

Goodbye forever Shea Stadium, you were a magnificent son of a bitch.

NY Post Cartoon deemed racist

How is this racist? Oh because Al Sharpton is involved. Right. Carry on.

Life Dictates

I have a saying in life that goes like this, "Sometimes life dictates your situation". Essentially that means that I would like to open up a food truck, sell sandwiches for cheap, park it downtown Manhattan and watch the money pour in. I know I can do it. I know my food is good, and I know the market for this. I know it'll work. But there is this one thing. I'd have to quit my Wall Street job and pour about 50K into the business I want to establish. The problem with quitting a job is simple. I have one. Lots of people are unemployed. I worked hard to get where I am, I have 10 years in the business already and I have medical insurance. There is this one other thing though. I HAVE A BABY DAUGHTER and WIFE. Since I'm the bread winner I really can't just quit up on a whim that I could sell sandwiches downtown and make it much more profitable than a steady paycheck I get now. Sometimes your life dictates your situation. If it didn't, I assume we'd all be doing whatever the hell we wanted to. I should write in to Mark Cuban. Maybe he'd fund the project.

Blog Update

Blog is gonna be updated about 5 or 6 times a day. As I see fit news to pass along, comment on, post, videos, comments, pictures, quotes, etc. Try and keep up. I read a ton of content on the web and at times I like to share.

Also you can follow me on Twitter. Although I don't really know what that means.
Twitter

Single Ladies Remix feat. Obama

VIA

Bye beer

I'm considering giving up beer for lent next wed. Silly I know but keep in mind I won't be giving up liquor. Red wine, scotch, whiskey, scotch whiskey would all be in play. So really I would just be giving up something I like which is within the spirit of the rule. Also maybe I can lose weight. I got like a mini gut forming (5 foot 9, 188). Gotta nip that shit in the bud. Wife making remarks.

I don't paticuarly care for Early srping brews anyway so I won't be missing much. Just the favorites and the standby's. I started my relationship with beer right around 1994. I was 14 and would sneak into the pool hall on Coney Island Ave. A local kid who was 21 took a liking to me because I was good at basketball. So he would sneak me in and let me drink beer. I never lasted more than two. Then I got into 40's and such with the boyz. No sophisticated beer drinking until about 23, 24. Then I started to really enjoy it for taste not for shotgunning. Ya' know. There is your beer pong beer and your snobby beer. I like both. Alot.

See ya in 40 nights Beer.

200 years old is old

After my last post I felt like i needed to write something peaceful, so here is Presidnet Lincoln's best speech. No not the Gettysburg addy but his 2nd Inauguration speech. Some 40 or so days before he was mortally wounded by John Wilkes Booth. Happy belated birthday Mr. President.

Fellow-Countrymen:

At this second appearing to take the oath of the Presidential office there is less occasion for an extended address than there was at the first. Then a statement somewhat in detail of a course to be pursued seemed fitting and proper. Now, at the expiration of four years, during which public declarations have been constantly called forth on every point and phase of the great contest which still absorbs the attention and engrosses the energies of the nation, little that is new could be presented. The progress of our arms, upon which all else chiefly depends, is as well known to the public as to myself, and it is, I trust, reasonably satisfactory and encouraging to all. With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured.

On the occasion corresponding to this four years ago all thoughts were anxiously directed to an impending civil war. All dreaded it, all sought to avert it. While the inaugural address was being delivered from this place, devoted altogether to saving the Union without war, urgent agents were in the city seeking to destroy it without war — seeking to dissolve the Union and divide effects by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war; but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive; and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came.

One-eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was somehow the cause of the war. To strengthen, perpetuate, and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Union even by war, while the Government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it. Neither party expected for the war the magnitude or the duration which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God’s assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men’s faces, but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered. The Almighty has His own purposes. “Woe unto the world because of offenses; for it must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh.” If we shall suppose that American slavery is one of those offenses which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued through His appointed time, He now wills to remove, and that He gives to both North and South this terrible war as the woe due to those by whom the offense came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a living God always ascribe to Him?

Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman’s two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said “the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.”

With malice toward none, with charity towards all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Wow, I guess I hate people?

I used to be such a nicer person. I just get pissed off so quickly nowadays. You ever look outside yourself for a minute or after something happens and say to yourself, "Self, I think you could have handled that better". And then when the time comes to handle yourself better you fail? That happens to me alot. It must be the train. I just can't stand people. I have urges to fight people who just are standing next to me. But why do they have to stand right next to me when there is at least 4 feet of room to their left or their right? Aggravating. Everyday is just aggravating. Fat people piss me off too (not you rev, your cool). Like I understand your fat and at times I sympathize with your struggle but if you could not breath on me I'd appreciate it. And the slow pace your keeping is really making me late for work so if you could kind of pick a side and not walk in the middle I'd appreciate that too. Oh and immigrants, I understand your coming here to "make it" even though making it nowadays that would mean just being able to buy a carton of milk but you don't have to be all gung ho in the morning trying to get to work. Stop running for fucking trains and fucking jamming yourselves in the trains when CLEARLY there is no more room. If there isn't enough room for a fucking grape there isn't enough room for a fully grown human. If I get pushed in the back again by a overzealous immigrant trying to squeeze into a train that runs EVERY 7 MINUTES I will be part of a national story that includes gross murder and dastardly deeds. I would also recommend you didn't eat on the train for it is as dirty as your neighborhood crackhead's twat. Especially to you gooks out there who think it's cool to consume a steamed pork bun at 7am in the morning when I didn't even realize I was fucking awake yet. Slurping noises should result in a vicious beating with a spiked swinging ball weapon. Please stop force feeding your children as well. They are sick and tired of eating that shit you keep shoving down their throats. Mexicans with the carriages and babies, if your kid cries for more than 10 minutes that normally means something is wrong. Please fix it or I will do it for you and that doesn't mean I won't throw it out the window. Pop your dirty titty in thier mouth for all I care just shut that little burrito motherfucker up. I'm tired and pissed off.

Breathe.

Grammy's

Gramma-lamma's were alright sun night. I like live performances so the more the better. Couple things though......

Robert Plant, former lead for Led Zeppelin is alive and making music with some Folk singer and they won awards. I think that's how the story goes.

A pregnant female rapper performed. She was like 8 3/4 months. It was surreal.

Al Green is still a smooth motherfucker.

Lot's of British talent. Lot's. Seems like that dominated. From MIA to Adele.
(by talent I don't mean dimepieces I mean talented musicians)


Limewire has been real shitty lately with alot bad downloads.

Chris Brown whupped that trick. Interesting.

Colplay aint so bad, kind of growing on me.

Country music, still not getting it.

God Bless you Carrie Underwood but you do have chicken lips and could use a nice steak.

Doc Holliday, 2009!

Val Kimler is considering running for Governor in New Mexico. If he runs as Doc Holliday I will move to New Mexico in a instant.

Press conference.

Press corp: Mr. Holliday what do you think of your opponent Mr. Johnny Ringo?

Holliday/Kilmer: What do you think, darling? Should I hate him?

Press corp: You don't even know him.

Holliday/Kilmer: Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.

Press corp: Are you drunk?

Holliday/Kilmer: In vino veritas.
["In wine is truth" meaning: "When I'm drinking, I speak my mind"]

(all of a sudden Johnny Ringo appears!!!)

Ringo: Age quod agis.
["Do what you do" meaning: "Do what you do best"]

Holliday/Kilmer: Credat Judaeus apella, non ego.
["The Jew Apella may believe it, not I" meaning: "I don't believe drinking is what I do best."]

Ringo: [pats his gun] Eventus stultorum magister.
["Events are the teachers of fools" meaning: "Fools have to learn by experience"]

Holliday/Kilmer: Evidently Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him.

Aide to Holliday/Kilmer: (whispers in his ear) Doc, I think we sould end this press conference.

Holliday/Kilmer: Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Ringo: I want your blood.

Holliday/Kilmer: Oh. Johnny, I apologize; I forgot you were there. You may go now.

End Press Conference as Ringo storms off muttering words.

SEC is screwed

This is what we call damning. Here is the complete list of investors who were duped by Madoff.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

More details of the above hearing which occured yesterday go HERE.

Mango Salsa

Your looking at the biggest tits in the world. I really don't have anything to say.

Yesterday while i was walking downtown I noticed a Subway and a Papa John's right next to each other, it was then did I realize that I should be carrying Malatov Cocktails at all times.

I have a great idea. Let's have 8 babies! What? I'm bored with the 6 already have.

Google seriously might take over the world.

Nancy Pelosi is such a dumb filthy old hag of a cunt.

500 million americans!!!! HAHAAHAHAHA

Somebody kick Al Gore in the nuts, 90% of the country will freeze tonight.

Country music and Nascar. What the fuck?

A little powder on the nuts really makes a differences.

Super Hangover

I'm sure I'm the 100th blogger who's linked this but I have too. Because there is nothing quite like cock to celebrate a go ahead (no pun) Super Bowl TD!







It was a good game though. I don't think it was the best ever but it was good. My belly is still full.

Super Bowl is here

Still can't believe the Giants are not in this thing but whatever. Pitchers and catchers report in like 14 days. Here is my breakdown of the game if you care.

Also here is the Super Bowl Menu.

Fill thy cup with beer until it runneth over my fine gentleman. Super Bowl sunday is here and July training camp is a eternity away. Enjoy.

Average Joe's Gym

Working out. Me and working out have a long history. Like any relationship it had it's ups and downs. Every time I've ended up joining a gym, I've ended up losing money because I just stopped going. So aggravating. I salute people who find the time, have the drive and actually go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. Now more than ever I have 0 time for that shit. And I've tried, believe me, I have.

Relationship goes all the way back to high school. I was on the baseball team and basketball team. Also tried tennis (bored) and while trying out for football the track team coach recruited me to run track for a year (I was faster than the black kids, sorry obama!). Anyway I made the football team (barely, was too small) as a 4th string corner back. The first meeting I had with all the coaches I was told to start hitting the gym twice a day! TWICE A DAY! I was like yeah ok and they were like if you don't you'll get cut. And El PAD don't like to get cut, in no way shape or form, so El Pad went to the gym twice a day. It sucked balls. So much commitment to high school sports and I was already playing two sports.

Football humbled me though. Gave me discipline. Put a chip on my shoulder. My size prevented me from playing regularly. I mean it's not often your "Dime" package defense is on the field when most teams run the football. But I did get play on special teams and started to get good at being what they call a "gunner". It's where you line up wide in a punting formation and try to tackle the return man who receives the punt. Most times you have two blockers to get through. It's quite difficult but I was really really really fast so, if I can just get a small break on the inside or outside or one foot ahead of my guy they were both toast. I became so good that I was promoted to 3rd on the depth chart but again, Nickel package defenses were not being used that much either. Well, that knock that I was too small was too much, I hit the gym with vigor and with unbelievable drive. It's all I did. 17 years old, hitting the gym 7 times a week. Results....nothing. I was still a string bean. Coaches said it had to do with my metabolism. I was a skinny fuck no matter what I ate or did. So, next season I opted not to play football (also I broke my hand when spring practice came around) and focus on baseball and basketball. Metabolism won I guess.

Baseball coach never cared if I worked out, well he did but he wanted core exercises rather than lifting. I was the lead off hitter on the Varsity squad so he didn't want me hitting home runs (only had 3 my entire H.S. baseball career). So he had me doing you know, sit ups and all that calisthenic shit that came generally easy to me and took up only a half hour or so of time. As long as I got on base and score runs he was happy.

Basketball, I was buried. It was because I was white. I hate to say that but it was. I was the only white kid on the team and while I was the star for the J.V team when I got promoted to Varsity I saw about 6 minutes a game. Mostly mop-up duties and when they needed some clutch free throws I would be inserted. It wasn't that positive of an experience for a while. But then coaches changed and my senior year I played most of every game and led the team in assists, steals and FT %. We went to state and lost in the semi's. It was satisfying to show my teammates and other coaches that I could play at a high level for them.

Anyway, looks like I rambled for a minute. Sorry bout that. High School glory I guess. Back to your regular scheduled El Pad.....

Waking up 5:30am, going to the gym, working out for 40 minutes or so. Coming home, shower, breakfast, go to work. Didn't quite work out. Then I tried doing without the gym and just ride my bike in the morning to a park and do various exercises on the park play structures. That was actually more difficult than lifting weights. But alas, that did not work either. Work got out of hand, I need to be in earlier and that was that.

Coming home from work, eating dinner than going to the gym is just not ideal. Think about what you feel like when you come home from work then imagine eating a big dinner. Big dinner is what I do. I know no other way. Now, what about going to the gym before you eat dinner? Well now your talking about eating dinner at about 8:30/9:00pm. That shit can't be healthy.

What I'm doing here is I'm talking myself into believing that I am right for not making time for the gym. Clearly I am right. Right?

Screw the gym and their memberships. And their meatheads and smelly fungi bathrooms, and concrete powder substance shakes and their gay undertones and their screaming leg press guys and their silly dancing classes and their idiotic big ass rubber balls and their mirrored walls and their sweaty weight benches and their "dude spot me dudes". Fuck them all. I play sports. Once in awhile I'll throw down 20-30 push-ups. I drink beer. I eat meat. I don't run on treadmills.

i got nothing

Curious Case of Benjamin Button = Forest Gump? just askin. I haven't seen it yet but will soon. I like to watch all the non-gay Oscar nominated movies.

Heath Ledger died a year ago, same day a year later he was nominated for an Oscar.

Hope I dont end up on this blog

What do you think bear meat taste like?

Those, "If you could eat with 10 people on a island who would they be" questions...I don'tlike them. First, 10 people is alot. I don't want to eat with 10 people ever unless there is a xmas tree erected somewhere. Second, what's with the island. Why can't we go over someone's house or eat in a nice restaurant? Just bothers me. Random, I know.

Squirmish

I just, I just feel a little uncomfortable today. I mean he's officially in office. So I'm squirmish. I'm just, unsure I guess is the word. Throw out all the bullshit about the color of his skin because for the most part if any race came across as racist throughout this whole process it is was actually the people of color. But now I'm the racist for saying that so it is what it is.

Unsure because he's unproven, doesn't show a strong love for the country, morals seem off, I can't really grasp anything that he stands for, he's given just about every important post to a Clinton stoolie, strongly considered Hillary Clinton as VP which is enough of an abomination as I can possibly think of and overall I think he lucked into becoming President. I mean the Dems could have trotted out Dead Uncle Bernie and he would have won. It was obvious Bush crushed his own party in this past election and mostly because people gave him a terrible approval rating. Not saying he was perfect but the way he's being pictured heading out of office is not something I would wish upon anyone. I mean let's just say he deserves better. Hopefully time will tell he was not as bad as people think or thought.

Either way it's time to move. Just couldn't not talk about it. It's kind of all over TV and stuff.

1st super bowl ever

Congrats to the CARDS. Good lookin.

Suck it Eagles fans, suck it hard. And I'm glad Jon Gruden got fired. He needed to pay for allowing you guys in the playoffs. No business, none.

Who ordered the Turdburger?

4 day weekend. That itch on your leg is jealousy.

I want to travel to all 50 states before I die. I'm putting together a list of each state and it's "good side". Taking me longer than I thought. Maybe I'll have it up tonight.

P.S. Arkansas sucks donkey dick.

My XBOX 360 is officially broken. Past the warranty time to fix it for free. Bill Gates will get a turdburger in the mail sometime this week. The decision making process for a new console begins. And don't tell me Wii. Wii is for little boys.

*Editor's note: Wii is fun, don't get me wrong. But it's drunk fun, fanily fun not shut all the lights out and play Call of Duty for 6 hours while a fan blows on the console. Ok. It's not "Finish a Madden season in one sitting" fun. It's just not.

The plane crash thing was incredible. That pilot must be a angel or something. Outstanding job. Pay him, take him out to a steak dinner. Something. Anything.

The Sampler

I don't understand mental illnesses.

I can watch Scarface all day everyday and twice on Sunday's. Every line in that movie is quotable.

They are eating Racoon meat in Montrose, Mo.

The Wrestler was fantastic.

Arizona Sweet Tea. Love it.

You guys are reading my food blog right? Updates daily.

I'm contemplating a switch to PS3 just for Blu-Ray purposes. Although the new XBOX 360's will have blu-ray technology. Decisions, decisions.

I've boycotted getting a haircut and am growing a winter beard. I ahve my reasons.

I got some holiday weight to drop.

Sexual harrassment courses at work are funny. I would write them a bit different.

Example:

What did Jimmy do wrong?
A. Shove his penis in Jill's face/rectum.
B. Slap her violently then rip her shirt off.
C. Drag his balls over her face.
D. None of the above, all are acceptable behavior.

Title Defenseless

Fucking Giants. They have this great year, defending the title, beating the fuck out of just about everyone, earn a first round bye, get a chance to play at home both playoff games and then they lay a turd against the Eagles of all teams. The same Eagles who if the Bears or Bucs win on the last Sunday of the regular season are not even in the playoffs. That was grotesque.

Eli Manning's performance was offensive. Gilbride's play calling was painful. Going away from Jacobs in the 2nd quarter was silly. Especially when you saw what the wind was doing to Eli's balls (TWSS). The pass rush had at least one sack in 14 games this year. The other three they had zero......all three games were vs. the Eagles. The vaunted o-line couldn't get a push on crticial 3rd and 4th downs. 3-13 on 3rd downs. We missed Plaxico. Carney misses two FG's, one's he made all year. Football is painfully humbling. The worst team in the league can beat the best team in the league on any given day. There is no game 2 or 3 or 4 or 5. It's one game. It's 60 minutes. Sometimes the best team loses. And sometimes that's the team you root for. Give the Eagles credit. They have a very stingy defense and are playing their best football late in the year. When it matters most. Just like the Giants played down the stretch last year. They have also made the NFC Championship game 5 out of 8 seasons, which is impressive. Thank god No Super Bowl title to speak of (only one appearance) but still, a nice run for Reid and McNabb.

Anyway I blame all of this on the New York Mets. It is all their fault. Their past failures that allowed the Phillies to make the playoffs two years in a row and have given the city of Philadelphia that confidence that they never had before. Woe is me, we are gonna lose, we always lose, in heartbreaking fashion, this and that. Hemming and hawing, that is what Philly was known for. But now, since the Phillies won the World Series they believe they can win every game, and that this is a team, or a year of destiny. Fuck mojo. So thanks alot NY Mets. You ruined my summer and now you've stripped me of my winter.

I want to take a corn shit of grand proportions on Donovan McNabb's living room carpet. And then I want to put his fat mother's head in the oven.

At least the Cowboys are home.......

FEB 15th, Pitchers and Catchers......

Not supposed to be eating on my bed....

Already has the devilish grin going on. I'm fucked.

A horse eating oatmeal

Oh no she didn't just make herself a bowl of Oatmeal on the train.

Oh yes she did. After she squeezed her fat ass into that seat bitch pulled out a cup of scalding hot water from her starbucks bag and mixed in a pouch of oats and then a pouch of nuts and berries. All while wearing that beret. Man o man, everyday it gets better and better.

0.08%

Driving under the influence. Those 4 words scare the shit out of me. I mean I drink all the time, no matter where I am but normally I trust myself enough to know when I should be driving and when I should be handing the keys over to someone else. BUT. That's doesn't mean I am under the legal limit of 0.08%. How would one know that without a breathalyzer in the car? They say if your Blood Alcohol Content is 0.08% that your under the influence. But I disagree. I know when I'm "under" the influence and chances are my limit is more than 0.08%. Only because I am an experienced drinker. Not because I'm smart. Let's get that straight.

How many times do you think you've driven a car after having a couple of cocktails? Ok. Good. And how many times do you think you were over the legal limit? You have no clue. I know. That's scary.

Let's say your at your boy's house watching the game and you've had 6 beers but you've ate 2 slices of pizza, 41 pretzels and some mixed nuts. Let's also say you pissed twice, once right before you leave the house. For sake of argument your not fat, even though you probably are, but your about my size. 5 foot 10, 185 lbs. What do you think your BAC would be?

Well, let's say you driving home, your going through a yellow light but it's a fast light and it blinks red quicker than you thought. Out of nowhere sirens are blaring and before you know it your on the shoulder of the road preparing to tell the officer that you've been drinking. Has to be a terrible feeling. Because the scumbag wants you to feel like you've done something wrong. Do you lie to him? When he asks have you been drinking what do you say? Yes. Or no. If you forgot to clean your mouth with a stick of Orbitz gum your breath might stink of beer and garlic powder. When he asks if you are willing to take a breathalyzer test what do you say? If you say no, at least in NY your immediately arressted for "suspicion of driving under the influence" and the only way to clear your record is to take a blood test that will show your BAC at the time was below the limit. If you reject the request to take a blood test the arrest will stick and you will be punished accordingly. So you take the breathalyzer test and you blow a 0.0816%. Now your name is Your Fucked because your going to get arressted. And your fine. You explain to your family that your fine, you could drive to Alberquerqe if you wanted to. But by law, your a drunk. Your a criminal drunk. And that my friends. Sucks.

Saturday is my birthday and we are going out to dine on tacos and beers. Two of my favorite things in the world. Cheap Mexican beer, cheap mexican food. Yes please. But you know what, I might turn down the last round so I can get home under the legal limit. And if I'm not under the legal limit, which there is a good chance I won't be, I hope I don't get pulled over.

Take no chances after you had a few. Stop for the yellow lights. Full stop at all stop signs. Don't speed. Let's admit, if your swerving your drunk and you don't know yourself. And you should get arressted. We like to sit here on our high horses and laugh at celebs and atha-leets who get busted for DUI's all the time. But we are no better. I know a girl who had a glass of wine on an empty stomach and drove home. She got pulled over (for driving like a women) and blew a smidge over 0.08%. Shocked as she was she admitted to having a glass of wine. The steel braceletes are cold. Real cold.

You guys be safe out there and know your limits. And if all else fails move to New Zealand where the legal limit is 0.15%!!!! Holy fuck that's like a 12 pack!

Long live Billy Mays

Billy May's is the best. I love those info-mercials. They are so funny. You see what he's hawking now? This Big City Burger contraption, designed to cook mini-burgers. You know what I love about info-mercials. The way they make easy things that we all do everyday in the kitchen look like giant tasks. Flipping burgers is quite easy. I mean if the imbeciles at your local McDonald's can do it so can you. Yet they picture this poor woman, this poor retarded woman flipping the burger out of the pan and spilling grease on the stovetop.

AHH, OH NO! THIS IS SO HARD!!! I NEED A CONTRAPTION WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO FLIP THE BURGER!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!. HAHAHAHAHA. I love it. See for yourself: