Hump Day Hottie of the Week

Kate Mara, NFL football goddess who is also a actress. She was quite sexy in The Shooter. Her grandfather owned the Giants and her mother is the daughter of the Steelers owner. Or something like that. Basically she's a genetic experiment of the Mara's and Rooney's. Giants and Steelers. Tits and ass. America.



Get over the hump.

US NAVY Reaction

Cue the motherfucking National Anthem

Captured Dead not Alive

The spilled blood of a coward.



Justice. Can't wait to see the photos of his exploded head. Last night America handed out justice to the leader of Al Qaeda by eliminating it's cowardly leader Usama Bin Laden. More to come.

Mango Salsa

Good thing they didn't coin seafood "oceanfood". Seafood sounds better.

Britain needs to stop with this royalty shit. It's 2011 retards. Get a life.

I like when the media or Hollywood people try and make a big deal when actors leave TV sitcoms or when TV sitcoms end. Like they are irreplaceable. Steve Carrell is leaving the office. Big deal. The show will be on syndication for the next 10 years or so minimum. And some other show at some point will be funny. Don't worry people. TV will entertain you again.

Back to the media/wedding for a minute. We got 200 people dead in the south from natural disasters and 99% of the media is sitting here covering two lymies getting married thousands of miles away. Something is fucked up here.

Bees are to sharks as sharks are to bees. And hear me out. You always hear marine biologists during shark week talk about how sharks are harmless and only attack when provoked or when they feel threatened. Then you hear the same thing about bees. And even though the chances of you dying from a shark bite or getting straight up devoured alive is greater than a bee sting it's a parallel that I have drawn that you cannot ignore.

Chew on that shit.

Hump Day Hottie of The Week

Normally I hate gooks but Jamie Chung is kind of hot. I remember her from the Real World San Diego a MTV staple show. She does movies and shit now. No known nude roles.

Easter Sunday

The Ressurection Dinner.

Easter Menu for today, 12 people total.

Antipasto

Cheese - Parmagianno Reggiano, Fresh Mozz, Smoked Mozz, White Cheddar, 4 year Jarlsberg and Aged Yellow Cheddar. Also Boccocino.

Meats - Soporessota (Hot and Sweet), Ham, Capicola, Proscuitto, Ham, Pepperoni

Easter Pie (Pizza Rustica), Stuffed Mushrooms, Shrimp Salad, Grilled Veggie platter (Asparagus, Eggplant, Zucchini), Roasted Peppers, Artichoke Hearts, Olive Salad, Grilled Bread, Lard Bread.

Pasta Course

Penne Ala Vodka, Rigatoni Marinara
Ensalada (Spinach and Mixed Greens)

Meat Course

Broken Leg of Lamb (Grilled), Pernil (Pork Shoulder)
Rice and Beans
Amarillos (Yellow Bananas Fried)

Hump Day Hottie of the Week

Gusy meet Mayra Leal. She's totally naked in "Machete". The beginning of the movie. After that part the movie sucks balls. So your welcome.

Old Time Candy

If you want to take a walk down memory lane look no further than this site . They have every single candy item that I remember loving and growing up with as a kid. Shockingly most of the candy I love had a shelf life of years before I was even born. Bubble Gum Cigars, yeah those were around during the 1940's. Candy Cigarettes too. Atomic Fireballs, the 50's. The recent items like Bubble Tape, Pixie Stix, Big League Chew which was my absolute favorite gum ever and ever, and Nerds and Runts are from the 1980's-90's. My youth. I never understood the love of candy buttons. Those long strips of paper with little candy nibs on them. Like 4 across. That was weird and labor intensive in my opinon. Wax Lips was another one of those candies I had trouble understanding. Now Wax Bottles with that syrup liquid in the middle was the shit. Pecan Logs, Chick-o-Sticks, Cowtales now that was candy. Bit-O-Honey and Now N Laters. Man I used to get into fistfights over Now n Laters. Damn thing would take out a tooth if I ate it now. Be careful not to spend $100 on that site. It's reallyy easy to do.

Mango Salsa

Chinese music must sound awful. BOW CHOW KOW KAI BAI TAI and so on. Must be terrible. I can't imagine a ballad like song in that language. Just can't.

Every kiss does not begin with Kay. Fucking retarded ad.

How the fuck do you fold a fitted sheet properly?

It's been a long time since I had a real good piece of homeade fried chicken. Too long.

What's with the Pistachio commercials lately. And how come I never see the red dye ones anymore. Those were sweet. Whose crazy ass idea was that?

I wish Trump would slow down with this presidential campaign noise. You have no shot. Just stop it. Embarrassing yourself.

You guys ever wonder how Dinosaurs had sex? A T-Rex cock must have been HUGE. And the same thing applies for a T-Rex vagina. They probably used trees to masturbate.

Do animals masturbate? I think so. I mean, I had a dog. And he licked his nuts an awful lot.

I'm gonna end on that note. Awkward.

Hump Day Hottie of the Week

Apologies for the lack of posts, been getting raped at work. Anyway to help you get over this tragedy please allow yourself to look at Kim K's ass.

Couch

I want a new couch. The feather ratio in my center cushion is off a bit and it annoys me. Plus the kids have spoiled the microfiber material and it's red. I thought I'd like a red couch but I don't anymore. Couches are very important, especially for a married man. You never know when it will serve as a bed for the evening.

Hump Day Hottie of The Week

How about some Carrie Underwood? What an angel.

NY METS

Baseball. That is all.

Wifeisms

Things you'll never hear your wife say:

Honey I love the beard you are growing. I'm going to blow you right now.

Hey babe, you and the boys should go to Vegas for a weekend.

Oh you finished all the beer? Want me to run out and get you more?

Hey later I was thinking we can have sex but this time I want you to climax as quickly as possible.

After I drug the kids to sleep you want to watch this porno tape with me? I picked it up today from the bodega.

I picked up the new Call of Duty game for you, I figure you can play that all night while I scrub the floors and rearrange the cabinets.

Grand Theft Auto

Whatever happened to stealing cars? Without doing any research I'm gonna say that car theft has dropped in the past 10-15 years. Especially the past 5 or so years. Car theft used to be like an everyday occurence. You always heard of someone complaining of a stolen car. Now it seems like it don't happen often. I guess modern safety features on new/newer cars help that. Car jacks seem to be down too. I'm not complaining just observing.

Hump Day Hottie of the Week

Remember Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions? Kinda hot. I was 19 when that came out. Sprung.

A poem about Spring that doesnt rhyme

Soon my friends, soon.

The sun will be a burst of warmth, the grass will start to smell ripe again, the trees will start to bloom like a cupcake in the oven and the spring season will be underway. Soon. As we are travelling through lent season in anticipation of my favorite holiday outside of Xmas, Easter, it's nice to finally kick that cold winter in the twat. Mother Nature sure showed us her bitchy side. I recall vividly the mountains of snow on my block. I recall the bitter cold afterwards followed by another mountain of fresh snow. It sat around until lat February. Good riddance winter 2010/2011. Time for Noble Pils beer, March Madness, baseball optimism, Wrestlemania, leg of lamb, jelly beans and Jesus.

HUMP Day Hottie of the Week

I remember being a teenager when she first came into my life as the co-host Singled Out. I also remember furiously beating off to her.

Reason #8 wikipedia is awesome

Bored? Poke around here and the hours will just pass.

Some excerpts:

1995: A 39-year-old man committed suicide in Canberra, Australia by shooting himself three times with a pump action shotgun. The first shot passed through his chest and went out the other side. He reloaded and shot away his throat and part of his jaw. Breathing through the wound in his throat, he again reloaded, held the gun against his chest with his hands and operated the trigger with his toes. This shot entered the thoracic cavity and demolished the heart, killing him.

Lesson : Really? A shotgun. Really?

1994: Jeremy Brenno, a 16 year-old golfer from Gloversville, New York, was killed when he threw his club against a bench in a fit of rage, breaking the shaft. Part of the shaft bounced back and pierced his heart

Lesson : Fuck golf.

2004: Phillip Quinn, a 24-year-old American from Kent, Washington was killed during an attempt to heat up a lava lamp bulb on his kitchen stove while observing it from a few feet away. The heat built up pressure in the bulb until it exploded, spraying shards of glass. One shard pierced his heart, killing him.

Lesson : Lava is dangerous in all forms.

1991: Carl Hulsey, 77, of Cherokee County, Georgia, was butted to death by his pet goat. Hulsey had regularly hit the goat with a stick in an apparent attempt to make it more aggressive so it could act as a "guard dog" for Hulsey's home.

Lesson : Never fuck with a goat.

1987: Franco Brun, a 22-year-old prisoner at Toronto East Detention Centre, in Toronto, Ontario, choked to death after attempting to swallow a Gideon's Bible.

Lesson : Logic told me if you try to swallow a bible you will choke to death.

2010: Robert Gary Jones, 38, was jogging and listening to his iPod when he was hit from behind and killed by a small plane making an emergency landing on a beach in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

Lesson : Fuck jogging.