Phelps got nothing on me

I want to talk about how I learned how to swim. Now I've talked at length about how old school my father was and this story is a fine example of that. We had some cousins that lived way out in NJ (Montville) back when. Actually they still live there, in the same house. But anyway they had a big pool with a nice deck and a diving board. They were rich, rich to us because we lived in a 5 room apartment compared to their 4 bedroom house with a full basement, pool, huge backyard and 2 car garage. The boy cousin was my age and during the summer of 1986 he learned how to swim. And I mean swim, like a guppy.

So my competitive drive started to kick in when I heard about this and I begged my dad to teach me before we went there so I can swim too. He told me not to worry that I will learn how to swim as soon as we DO get there. I was confused but my attention span was that of a gnat so I forgot about it until we got in the car to head up there one summer weekend. I bothered him in the car the whole way there, when we got there I changed into my suit and awaited deployment of arm floaties onto my arm.

As I approach the deck I see my dad, with no arm floaties walking towards me. Weird I thought. So he picks me up, starts talking to me about kicking in the water, moving your arms forwards than backwards you know basic how to swim chatter. Then without saying a word. HE TOSSES ME IN THE POOL. Just like that. My mom flips out as I initially gasp for air, he's screaming kick, kick, kick........4 seconds after I got tossed in I'm swimming. Not like a guppy but I'm treading water. He's as happy as a piss clam saying that's how he learned how to swim. I felt like a fucking gangster without my floaties.

My cousin was impressed, he learned how to swim by taking lessons at the local high school. Pussy I thought. Real men learn how to swim when they get thrown in the water. That day I learned more technical ways of swimming and by the end of the summer was a guppy. Underwater, over water, you name it I did it. Joined the Y (YMCA) the next year and participated in a kids olympics tournament, won 2nd place. Graduated from guppy to shark. Dad was proud. Crazy fuck.