Happiness is Jamaica

22 days until Jamaica

I have to find some linen pants. Why I don't know. It's what my sister wants and it's her wedding thing so I guess for a change I'll listen. Funny thing is I'm doing what woman do. I'm rocking them with a tag and removing them right after because when I get home they will be returned. I don't wear linen pants for the same reason that I don't go flower picking. Read into that as you may but the bottom line is linen pants are the gay.

My honeymoon was in Jamaica so this is going to be a return trip for me. I love it. Love the people, they are all lil bubbles of sunshine. Love the accent, love the music and love the food. Can't wait to get on that beach and pee in the crystal clear Caribean ocean. Fucking Beef Patty diet, Red Stripe beers, various other mixed drinks, jerk chicken wings, coco bread, wonderful fresh fruits, strong mountain coffee, maybe some fresh herbs if you knowwhatimsayin.

Red Stripe! Hooray Beer!

And now, a Poem

A Poem for my love, Mallomars:

Oh Mallomars how I love thee
draped in chocolate, times three
pillowy soft marshmellow on a bed of sunny golden graham
so decadent, so sweet, it's like you really give a damn
if you posessed a vagina i'd marry you tomorrow
your quiet and lovable and never ask to borrow
a bright yellow box to whisk me away
I could love you to eternity, an eternity and a day
as i wash you down with ice cold milk
i can help but marvel, over your chocolate silk
i wish you were available all year round
but i understand why, you are so profound
Oh Mallomars how I love thee
if only i can plant you and grow a mallomar tree

The End.

Random Shit aka Mango Salsa

I'm so glad football is back in my life. My wife seriously hates football. I don't know what her deal is.

If you guys haven't seen Step Brothers yet please do so. I quote that movie daily. Other movies I quote daily (and when I say daily I mean everyday) include:

Bad Boys, No Country For Old Men, Dodgeball, Wedding Crashers, Trading Places, Scarface, Casino, My Cousin Vinny, Bronx Tale, Goodfellas, Anchorman, Along Came Polly, Kindegarten Cop, Terminator 2, White Man Can't Jump and A Few Good Men.

I've mentioned this before but whenever the elevator door shuts in someone's face my soul warms up like an easy bake oven.

Remember Lite Brites? I gotta get one of those. I want my daughter to play with all the toys I played with. So I need to start buying some Matchbox cars, Hot Wheels, a Lite Brite, Operation game, shitload of Leggo's, Play Doh, Garbage Pail Kids cards, Nerf guns, Kooshes, a Jibba Jabba and WWF Wrestling Ring complete with a steel cage and several figurines. Also gonna have to pick up a three wheeler. Preferably the Knight Rider one.

Any tips on how to have a son? I heard reverse cowgirl is the way to go. Please advise.
(Nothing against daughters, it's just I want to breed a NFL QB)

Mamma Mia

Overheard a lady ordering a chicken parm hero without the sauce and cheese. Mexican behind the counter was stumped. Had to call over the Italian guy who makes the pizza and watches soccer. Discussion:

Lady : Hi I need a chicken parm hero with no suace and no cheese.

Italian guy : So youwanta a chickencutlet on hero?

Lady : Um, chicken parm.

Italian guy : Madam a chickenparmagiano is a chickencutlet witha saucea and acheesa. Without the saucea or acheesa you just havea chickencutlet on dehero.

Lady : Ok I'll have that.

The End.

alternate ending:

I shoot her in the head.

The End.

Fucking Weirdos

Saw a ton of weirdo's out this morning. I was like wtf. All before I even got to work.

Some guy was running across six lanes of traffic on a busy Brooklyn intersection. That was amusing. Either his pants were on fire or he was racing his imaginary racing friend.

Saw another guy jogging, just wearing some short ass training shorts, and nothing else. Hairy ass motherfucker too. It was like a gorilla escaped from the zoo and he was running away from a pack of zoo trainers toting tranquilizer guns.

Then I saw this dog that had dreadlocks. Not sure if this was the Bob Marley breed of dogs but the owner was like 9 feet tall. So that was interesting.

Also so this arab lady in full arab garb buying cigarettes? Huh? Isn't like pork and cigarettes a no-no in that religion.

Since the day is not over I would not even look twice if on the way home I see a unicorn with a leprechaun riding it into a rainbow with doves flying around.

WTF people get your shit together!

Our Pearl Harbor

9/11, 8 years later

The memory of that day is still fresh

I haven't been able to watch the Documentary Inside 9/11 on the National Geographic channel without A) tearing up, B) straight bawlin' or C) finish it all in one sitting (it's 2 hours long) but there are a couple of things that stand out to me and I'd like to talk about them being as this is the anniversary.


The three most gut-wrenching moments.


1) The survivors who were above the impact zone of the towers, waving, waiting for rescue. They really thought they were being rescued at some point. So sad. When that building suddenly collapsed do you have any idea how scared they were? They were turned to dust.


2) The firefighters climbing the stairs, filing into the towers as they got closer and closer to collapsing. They play radio transmissions of firefighters and two captains made it to the 78th floor of the South Tower and you can hear his fear, his panic in the voice where he calls for help in fighting the fire on that floor. 10-45 which means dead bodies is said more than once. The minute those Towers collapsed all those lives were lost an in instant, the same instant they decided to walk up those stairs to fight a fire and save anybody that was still alive. Tragic.


3) The phone calls made from passengers on the hijacked airlines. Most notably the United 93 plane that was overtaken back by some brave men. Could you imagine your wife or husband calling you and your watching the news and they are going to be part of that news in the most tragic, horriffic way? I can't even grasp that, I can't even imagine what that is like.


The Pentagon camera footage that shows, for a milli-second, the jet right before it slams into the E ring. Amazing.

The fact that knives were allowed on the airplanes back then. Major hindsight type thought like, what the fuck, why were knives allowed on airplanes if the cockpit doors weren't sealed shut?

Overall the general feeling of anger that this happend on our soil with our planes. They hijacked our commercial airplanes, relatively easy and flew the planes into our buildings. WHAT THE FUCK. After spending months in our country learning to fly the damn planes. The lax of the country, our security, our borders, our "student visa" program, our response to international attacks, etc. was not our proudest moment. And it cost us American lives in a gross fashion.

I will never get over or forget what happened that day. Never. I carry the images, the smell, the walk, the tears, the panic, the soot, the horror, the phone calls, the unity all with me everyday. I walk past the site everyday, twice a day. My path train rumbles underneath what used to be the World Trade Center. I'm not allowed to forget because besides being a New Yorker, I'm an American.

Handicapping

SWEET FUCKING DEAL ON NFL/COLLEGE PICKS IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED.

Yeah so I've been a football junkie for a long time and know how to pick a game. Click the link and check out the offer. Yes it's yours truly.

First day of school sucks

Having a rough day today guys. Today, due to necessity, I had to send my daughter to her first day of school. She is only 2 years old. Still a baby of sorts. I feel so bad, like I abandoned her. Everytime I call and check on her she is crying. I feel like shit. Fucking dogshit to be exact, like the tan colored one that looks like peanut butter frozen yogurt. This feeling sucks and I don't wish it on anyone. I hope she gets used to school quickly. Don't know how long I can deal with feeling like this. The only good thing is it's 2 days a week only. So by the time she goes full time, she'll be 3 and used to it, hopefully, by then.

I remember the first day of school way back until about 1st grade. It sucked. Obviously. But I liked shopping for new gear. Loved the crispy new sneaks or shiny new backpack. Other than that it blew. I can see why she's so pissed. After I make some real money I'm pulling her out and home-schooling her. Just everyday I'll have her read Wikipedia articles until she learns it then move on to the next. In fact I am going to create a Wikipedia ciricculum and sell it to other parents. How bout that school? IN YOUR FACE! Not sending the girl to school will also prevent boys from touching my little angel. Little Bastards!

Labour Day

Labor Day, the unofficial official end to the Summer. Sadness for some, joy for others. I am others. Love the fall. Love the fall, love the fall. I enjoy summer but I'm not a teacher or anything so I work pretty much the entire summer so it's not like I'm out enjoying weather. Plus the weather was not very good this summer. Only like 8 or 9 90+ days and had some nice stretches of rain. The Fall weather is my favorite. Foilage is sexy and my favorite sport (football) kicks off. For some background on Labor Day I urge you to learn about it here. Unfortunately it appears as if it originated in Canada.

I'm going to hit the jersey shore (New Jersey's only redeeming quality are the beaches) participate in a BBQ Sunday and relax on Monday i;e No Labor. Going to be a nice weekend. Enjoy yours.