Man it feels good to be back.
HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAAAAAA.
What's funny is I could stay in a place like that for a month. Just stupid. That's how I described the beach, just stupid. We took a sailboat out about 2 miles off the coast and I jumped into the Carribean Sea with some goggles. I wouldn't call it snorkeling, or even smart but I did it and it was exhilarating. I saw starfish the size of hubcaps. I saw squid, big squid, I saw big sea cucumbers, beautiful coral, fish of many kinds and those sea urchin things. When I snorkeled in Turks and Caicos it was somewhat controlled and while I saw some awesome aquatic wildlife there I think my latest experience is going to lead me to learn how to Scuba. Coming up for air is such a pain in the ass. I want to become one with the sea. I've decided to take some classes the next time I plan a vacation so that when I get there I'll have couple of dry runs under my belt. Really take this snorkeling shit to the next level. Cuz that's what I'm all about lately.
Taking shit to the next level. You have been warned.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
More Pics
She loved all the characters, especially Bert.
Main pool, extended all the way put past that bridge.
Took that sail boat out twice, snorkeled off it once.
Yeah Mon!
Friggin gooks are even in Jamaica!
Main pool, extended all the way put past that bridge.
Took that sail boat out twice, snorkeled off it once.
Yeah Mon!
Friggin gooks are even in Jamaica!
Guess who's back.
Walking sister down the aisle.
Me, wife, kid.
View from our room.
More pics to follow.
Me, wife, kid.
View from our room.
More pics to follow.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Oral Copulation By Force (Vaca Edition)
As I set to embark on a week long trip to the beautiful island of Jamaica I have a couple of lingering thoughts swirling around my head. And lucky for you I will share them with you.
First things first, if I come back and the Phillies are in the world series, shit is getting broked up.
I have to cut my nails before I go.
Shaved chest or leave it alone? I think it growing back faster and thicker is a lie. Since I'm not hairy I just buzz it, but I do shave my balls.
Damn near November, gonna get sunburnt fo sho'. Just out of sheer drunkedness stupidity. And I tan well but 12 hours in the sunm drinking, carrying on, I'm sure something will get burnt up.
Bringing a two year old on the plane. I am now THAT guy. Fuck.
I have Bob Marley's entire catalogue on my Ipod. The only thing that's missing is some dreadlocks.
Powder is key to avoiding a bathing suit rash.
Rum. Is. Delicious.
An Arab on a plane going to Jamaica would be weird right?
If my luggage is over 50LBS and they ask me to pay some sort of fee I will be on the news.
Pics to follow, piece out neighbors.
First things first, if I come back and the Phillies are in the world series, shit is getting broked up.
I have to cut my nails before I go.
Shaved chest or leave it alone? I think it growing back faster and thicker is a lie. Since I'm not hairy I just buzz it, but I do shave my balls.
Damn near November, gonna get sunburnt fo sho'. Just out of sheer drunkedness stupidity. And I tan well but 12 hours in the sunm drinking, carrying on, I'm sure something will get burnt up.
Bringing a two year old on the plane. I am now THAT guy. Fuck.
I have Bob Marley's entire catalogue on my Ipod. The only thing that's missing is some dreadlocks.
Powder is key to avoiding a bathing suit rash.
Rum. Is. Delicious.
An Arab on a plane going to Jamaica would be weird right?
If my luggage is over 50LBS and they ask me to pay some sort of fee I will be on the news.
Pics to follow, piece out neighbors.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Fat Girls Need Love Too
I should make fat barbie dolls. And market them. That might make money, because not every broad is growned up to look like a barbie doll. Skinny, size 2 waist, giant 36 boobs, long flowing blond locks, long legs, perfect lil ass. Not all woman look like that. My Barbie would be like 175-200, dark hair, mushy tits that hang a bit low and a flat ass. Not exactly my taste but certainly some other guy's taste. I mean this people are having sex with someone right. The way I see it it will give these girls some confidence. Your not going to look like Barbie so suck it up and either do something about it or be comfortable in your own body. And play with my dolls. I will call them Lardie. Lardie dolls! If I can crank some out for the holiday I can retire by January. Genius!
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Oral Copulation by Force
Finally read exactly what took place in Jack Nicholsan's house on March 10th 1977. God damn Roman Polanski, you are a piece of shit. (Roman Polanski wiki)
I do, however, like seeing/saying/doing "Oral Copulation by Force" and will replace Mango Salsa with that for the time being.
Time to overload on everything pumpkin and apples.
I'm not a soup fan but when I do hanker for a soup Au Bon Pain, despite it's french name, makes some of the tastiest soup in the world. I could bathe in the Broccli Cheddar one.
Speaking of bathing, who knew soap was such a dirty little whore.
Can you get an STD from perusing Facebook?
I don't eat enough Ice Cream. Which I guess is a good thing if I want to remain somewhat skinny. But still, that shit is delicious.
I do, however, like seeing/saying/doing "Oral Copulation by Force" and will replace Mango Salsa with that for the time being.
Time to overload on everything pumpkin and apples.
I'm not a soup fan but when I do hanker for a soup Au Bon Pain, despite it's french name, makes some of the tastiest soup in the world. I could bathe in the Broccli Cheddar one.
Speaking of bathing, who knew soap was such a dirty little whore.
Can you get an STD from perusing Facebook?
I don't eat enough Ice Cream. Which I guess is a good thing if I want to remain somewhat skinny. But still, that shit is delicious.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
El Fashion
I'm amazed at what some people wear outside of thier house. I guess that's why immigrants can afford all the houses. They wear ridiculous looking clothes. Even some people I work with, they look absurd. I'm not a fashionista myself but I'll be damned if I get caught wearing a godamn purple shirt with orange stripes or a pair of lite cords with some black johnny cash shirt.
For me it's simple. Any variation of blue and white including solid blue and solid white. Gray, black, khaki pants work. The dude that sits across from me right now is wearing a black striped shirt, the colors of the stripes are purple, green, tan and white. He's wearing that with black slacks and brown shoes. Not only does none of that match but the black shirt looks like it's been washed about 765 times. Which means it was bought approximately 17 years ago. Jesus christ buddy I know you have 4 kids but damn. Costco sells shirts now. Look into that.
On the weekend I could give a fuck what anyone wears. It's the weekend. Do you. Me, I like solid colored t-shirts and polos. I wear shorts up until November so after November jeans it is. And not nut-hugging jeans. They need to be a bit baggy and long on the crotch. Just for comfort, not saying I'm Ron Jeremy but I need to be able to move freely in them otherwise I won't wear them. In the dead of winter I will turn to sweatpants as my leisurewear.
For me it's simple. Any variation of blue and white including solid blue and solid white. Gray, black, khaki pants work. The dude that sits across from me right now is wearing a black striped shirt, the colors of the stripes are purple, green, tan and white. He's wearing that with black slacks and brown shoes. Not only does none of that match but the black shirt looks like it's been washed about 765 times. Which means it was bought approximately 17 years ago. Jesus christ buddy I know you have 4 kids but damn. Costco sells shirts now. Look into that.
On the weekend I could give a fuck what anyone wears. It's the weekend. Do you. Me, I like solid colored t-shirts and polos. I wear shorts up until November so after November jeans it is. And not nut-hugging jeans. They need to be a bit baggy and long on the crotch. Just for comfort, not saying I'm Ron Jeremy but I need to be able to move freely in them otherwise I won't wear them. In the dead of winter I will turn to sweatpants as my leisurewear.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Name your dirty parts
I want to know if woman have a nickname for their genitilia.
Like sometimes I refer to my package as Bee, Bop and Rock Steady. Other times I simply call them the Holy Trinity. For my single most important member I have various names for him, like Woodrow, Swingline, He-Man, Awesome DeSauseege, The Professional, Dr. Doom, Fat Bastard, Senator Wang, King Dong Can, Juicy Fruit, Power-I and Richard Schwinghammer.
Ladies do tell, do you call your vagina Mary Poppins? Or refer to your tits as Thelma and Louise?
Do you have like a name that really isn't a name but more like a place? Like do you refer to your area as the Field of Dreams? Or Honey Town, USA?
I need to know
Like sometimes I refer to my package as Bee, Bop and Rock Steady. Other times I simply call them the Holy Trinity. For my single most important member I have various names for him, like Woodrow, Swingline, He-Man, Awesome DeSauseege, The Professional, Dr. Doom, Fat Bastard, Senator Wang, King Dong Can, Juicy Fruit, Power-I and Richard Schwinghammer.
Ladies do tell, do you call your vagina Mary Poppins? Or refer to your tits as Thelma and Louise?
Do you have like a name that really isn't a name but more like a place? Like do you refer to your area as the Field of Dreams? Or Honey Town, USA?
I need to know
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