My 2010 New Year Resolutions:
Learn the secrets of Kung Fu.
Eat more fish.
Keep my lips un-chapped.
Get some new pants.
And socks.
Build a smoker.
Engage someone into a fistfight, it's been awhile.
Get a two year subscription to the WSJ. Sick of buying it.
Play lotto more. Ya never know.
Open up a Wing Joint.
Perfect the footlong mozzeralla stick recipe.
Market my own beverage.
Shave my balls more often.
Cutback on candy.
Perfect my golf swing.
Eat more hamburgers.
Go to DiFara Pizza before Dom DeMarco dies.
Hit up an NFL stadium, continue the tour.
Go to a Wu-Tang clan concert.
Visit a member of Lordz of Vengeance.
Use credit cards less.
If my bonus is good buy my wife something expensive.
Buy a cast iron skillet.
Capture a live deer, feed it bacon then race it.
Build a small outdoor bar for my veranda.
Do One Hundred push-ups a day.
Get a CDL (commercial drivers license).
Design a Vitamin regimen and do it.
Learn the Tango.
Try snake charming.
Stop cursing in front of my daughter. (will never happen but gonna try)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Pictures, XMAS
Someone bought me a Snuggie, I know I'm not happy about it either.
Santa came to my house and brought with him this bounty.
Oh Deer God!
Crab sauce, I can eat crab flesh all day long.
Santa came to my house and brought with him this bounty.
Oh Deer God!
Crab sauce, I can eat crab flesh all day long.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas
To all and to all a good night. I'll post a couple of xmas pics next week. Enjoy the season.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Shopping
Stats from yesterday's marathon shooping excursion.
$824 spent
11 people taken care of
2 outfits the kid pissed through
1 of them she threw up on
2 Avocado rolls from the cheesecake factory
8 times i saw a women on a cell phone arguing with someone (probably her signifcant other)
9 toys
2 returns
8 mini cinnabon's
4 retarded old navy workers
2 santa clauses
61 miles
$19 in tolls
Ho ho ho.
$824 spent
11 people taken care of
2 outfits the kid pissed through
1 of them she threw up on
2 Avocado rolls from the cheesecake factory
8 times i saw a women on a cell phone arguing with someone (probably her signifcant other)
9 toys
2 returns
8 mini cinnabon's
4 retarded old navy workers
2 santa clauses
61 miles
$19 in tolls
Ho ho ho.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Snow
It's gonna snow. Bring it.
Update, 14 inches (TWSS)
Shoveling it was a bitch because I ended up doing 3 houses. Hoping Karma will get me on the back end. I got mad old folk living on my block. Including my landlord so I'm a good guy ya know.
It looks great though and the kid is super excited to build a snowman. I think we have enough to build one on the balcony even though it was covered there is like 7 inches on there. It's the most wonderful time of the year.
Update, 14 inches (TWSS)
Shoveling it was a bitch because I ended up doing 3 houses. Hoping Karma will get me on the back end. I got mad old folk living on my block. Including my landlord so I'm a good guy ya know.
It looks great though and the kid is super excited to build a snowman. I think we have enough to build one on the balcony even though it was covered there is like 7 inches on there. It's the most wonderful time of the year.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I'm an adult
Don't give into peer pressure, you are an adult.
Like if you are out in a bar and one of your boys wants to go somewhere else but you want to go home fucking go home. Don't take no shit. Let him call you a pussy if he wants. A Pussy is good, it's soft, warm and gooey like a fresh chocolate chip cookie. You tell him watch this pussy go home then bitch. Get off me.
If you don't like something speak up. For instance I don't like American Cheese. I know I'm fucking crazy right, no. You are crazy that shit adds nothing to any meal. Shit is processed, gets spit out of a machine. I like real cheese. Like Cheddar, Mozzarella, Swiss, Parmagiano Reggiano, Locatelli, etc. Cheese that gets made. Not created. Fucking american cheese sucks and adds very little flavor to anything. Fuck american cheese. Don't stare at me cuz I don't like american cheese on my burger, if you have some other cheese options than hook me up if you don't than you are the crazy one. Shit is cheese product not cheese. Get off me. Don't let some fool clown you because you don't like American cheese.
Scenario,
Both of you order a burger, you without cheese
Cheese ends up on both burgers
You make a stank face and bitch about it
Your boy starts clowning you, just eat it how don't you like cheese anyway
You go back at him, I do like cheese just not cheese product bitch
You send it back or if you fear the mexican will spit on your shit you scrape off the cheese and make due.
Either way don't eat it in it's orginal state cuz your a man and you stand by your likes and dislikes. Get off me.
For my New Yorkers out there, only give up your subway seat for pregnant or handicap women. You are tired too and deserve a seat. Don't let people look at you and force you to get up when you don't want too. Fuck that. Pretend you are sleeping or constantly rub your knee if you feel like justifying why you are not getting up. Old ass Chinese people can't be that tired. Don't these people have chairs at home. Get off me.
Like if you are out in a bar and one of your boys wants to go somewhere else but you want to go home fucking go home. Don't take no shit. Let him call you a pussy if he wants. A Pussy is good, it's soft, warm and gooey like a fresh chocolate chip cookie. You tell him watch this pussy go home then bitch. Get off me.
If you don't like something speak up. For instance I don't like American Cheese. I know I'm fucking crazy right, no. You are crazy that shit adds nothing to any meal. Shit is processed, gets spit out of a machine. I like real cheese. Like Cheddar, Mozzarella, Swiss, Parmagiano Reggiano, Locatelli, etc. Cheese that gets made. Not created. Fucking american cheese sucks and adds very little flavor to anything. Fuck american cheese. Don't stare at me cuz I don't like american cheese on my burger, if you have some other cheese options than hook me up if you don't than you are the crazy one. Shit is cheese product not cheese. Get off me. Don't let some fool clown you because you don't like American cheese.
Scenario,
Both of you order a burger, you without cheese
Cheese ends up on both burgers
You make a stank face and bitch about it
Your boy starts clowning you, just eat it how don't you like cheese anyway
You go back at him, I do like cheese just not cheese product bitch
You send it back or if you fear the mexican will spit on your shit you scrape off the cheese and make due.
Either way don't eat it in it's orginal state cuz your a man and you stand by your likes and dislikes. Get off me.
For my New Yorkers out there, only give up your subway seat for pregnant or handicap women. You are tired too and deserve a seat. Don't let people look at you and force you to get up when you don't want too. Fuck that. Pretend you are sleeping or constantly rub your knee if you feel like justifying why you are not getting up. Old ass Chinese people can't be that tired. Don't these people have chairs at home. Get off me.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Dear Santa
Keeping on the Christmas these without further ado my 2009 Xmas Wish List.
First and foremost since my Xbox busted back in March or May, can't remember I want a new one. If I get nothing but that it'll be a good xmas.
Still haven't gotten that Taser, been asking 3 years running now. Let's pick up the pace fat boy.
A deck of cards with naked chicks on them. Nostalgic reasons.
A case of this. It's my favorite.
Papa needs some new shoes.
Vanilla milkshake. Please.
A speargun. Don't ask.
I-Dock for my desk.
Jack Daniels, the big one.
I need a new belt, preferably black.
A Bansai tree. Feng shui.
Knife block that hangs on the wall. It's cool.
Stella Artois gold rimmed beer glass.
I've been good Santa, hook me up.
First and foremost since my Xbox busted back in March or May, can't remember I want a new one. If I get nothing but that it'll be a good xmas.
Still haven't gotten that Taser, been asking 3 years running now. Let's pick up the pace fat boy.
A deck of cards with naked chicks on them. Nostalgic reasons.
A case of this. It's my favorite.
Papa needs some new shoes.
Vanilla milkshake. Please.
A speargun. Don't ask.
I-Dock for my desk.
Jack Daniels, the big one.
I need a new belt, preferably black.
A Bansai tree. Feng shui.
Knife block that hangs on the wall. It's cool.
Stella Artois gold rimmed beer glass.
I've been good Santa, hook me up.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Xmas Time Is Here
Is the tree up? Have you started your Xmas shopping? Is the Xmas music station on? Are you making a list? Have you lined up the Xmas party dates? Are you feeling it!!!!!
Yes, yes, it's Christmas time again. So get out the turtlenecks, put the shovel in the hallway bust out the wintercoat and the Xmas decorations. I have to admit I'm a sucker for Xmas. I like the spirit of it. I don't really get gifts anymore so it's really not that. And now that I have a lil tater tot it's fun picking out things that I know she'll go ballistic for on Xmas morning. I also happen to like winter, in a weird way. My favorite things hands down are:
colorful lights on the tree
candy canes
egg nog and peppermint flavored food items/drinks
charlie brown xmas special
xmas movies on like Home Alone, Xmas Vacation, etc.
scotch drinking in cold weather
cookies
Spread cheer. Be merry.
Yes, yes, it's Christmas time again. So get out the turtlenecks, put the shovel in the hallway bust out the wintercoat and the Xmas decorations. I have to admit I'm a sucker for Xmas. I like the spirit of it. I don't really get gifts anymore so it's really not that. And now that I have a lil tater tot it's fun picking out things that I know she'll go ballistic for on Xmas morning. I also happen to like winter, in a weird way. My favorite things hands down are:
colorful lights on the tree
candy canes
egg nog and peppermint flavored food items/drinks
charlie brown xmas special
xmas movies on like Home Alone, Xmas Vacation, etc.
scotch drinking in cold weather
cookies
Spread cheer. Be merry.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
The Wooden Spoon
Wooden spoon was brought up in the comments section of my previous post and it just brings back so many fond memories that I had to speak on it. Fucking wooden spoons. Who knew they'd be the weapon of choice for 80's mom's across the country. Heavy wood too. We ain't talking no flimsy, skinny ass spoon. Shit had some thickness and it cinked off your head you had a fucking knot. If the blow landed on your back or arm, Welt City. Fucking thing was no joke. And only Mom wielded it. Dad would beat your ass with his bare hands, mothers need the power of something because they don't hurt without one.
One time I clearly remember getting hit with it as she was using it to stir a pot of sauce. I came home from playing football and I didn't take off my pants which were caked with mud. And I just strolled into the kitchen and you know went about my business of pilfering whatever was in the fridge (there were some leftover rice balls I was thinking about consuming while I was playing football, no I'm not fat) and then on the back of my neck I get hit with a hot wooden spoon, sauce splashed assault. Fucking hurt. DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO TAKE THOSE OFF IN THE HALLWAY! OW, DID YOU HAVE USE THE HOT ONE THAT WAS IN THE SAUCE!
Fucking wooden spoon. It was a bastard. Ever get the knuckle whack one? Where she would quick strike the spoon on the back of your hand and it felt like it shattered your knuckles. Hated that. And when you busted one mom ran out and bought another one the same fucking day. Torturous.
One time I clearly remember getting hit with it as she was using it to stir a pot of sauce. I came home from playing football and I didn't take off my pants which were caked with mud. And I just strolled into the kitchen and you know went about my business of pilfering whatever was in the fridge (there were some leftover rice balls I was thinking about consuming while I was playing football, no I'm not fat) and then on the back of my neck I get hit with a hot wooden spoon, sauce splashed assault. Fucking hurt. DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO TAKE THOSE OFF IN THE HALLWAY! OW, DID YOU HAVE USE THE HOT ONE THAT WAS IN THE SAUCE!
Fucking wooden spoon. It was a bastard. Ever get the knuckle whack one? Where she would quick strike the spoon on the back of your hand and it felt like it shattered your knuckles. Hated that. And when you busted one mom ran out and bought another one the same fucking day. Torturous.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Kids
Holy crap having a kid is hard. Let me just say whoever is planning on having a kid and is reading this I want to go take a bath with a toaster.
Maybe it's just my kid, you remember the Muppet Show? Then the lil one's like cartoons, muppet babies I think? Yeah well my kid is animal. the lil pink creature thing. Right now, despite my yelling at her for about 20 minutes not to do this, she is eating an apple while lying on her back on the floor and spinning around unitl her feet hit her table in front of the TV. Then, like a lil karate kid, she'll sweep the table legs and knock it down. Your probably sitting there reading this thinking, that ain't so bad, and in the grand scheme of things. It isn't so bad. But sometimes all you want is peace and quiet. Having kids is anti peace and quiet. It's like bombs and noise. Constant.
There goes the table again. Fucking kid.
Maybe it's just my kid, you remember the Muppet Show? Then the lil one's like cartoons, muppet babies I think? Yeah well my kid is animal. the lil pink creature thing. Right now, despite my yelling at her for about 20 minutes not to do this, she is eating an apple while lying on her back on the floor and spinning around unitl her feet hit her table in front of the TV. Then, like a lil karate kid, she'll sweep the table legs and knock it down. Your probably sitting there reading this thinking, that ain't so bad, and in the grand scheme of things. It isn't so bad. But sometimes all you want is peace and quiet. Having kids is anti peace and quiet. It's like bombs and noise. Constant.
There goes the table again. Fucking kid.
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