Perfection

This, is the most perfect sangria you'll ever see.

In the heart of Greenwhich village lies this wonderful oasis of perfectly cooked seafood paella and arguably the best sangria in town. This sangria is so heavenly that when I drink it I think of naked woman stroking harps on clouds and it's raining marshmellows and there is a bright sunlight grazing my skin like the touch of Jehovah.

The seafood paella is so good I damn near piss myself when I eat it. It makes me so happy that I would put it right behind a blow job and eating an ice cream cone while getting a blowjob. So yeah it's fucking outrageous. Anyway if I made a list of places to eat when travelling through Manhattan it would be the #1 joint.

Take a trip to Spain bitches.

What's black and white and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson.
(sorry couldn't resist)

My two cents on Mike Jackson is simple. He was a broken, troubled man. Deeply saddened by his childhood and alienated by immediate family members. Can I defend his actions? I cannot but he's dead now and there's a guy that is pretty good at judging people based on what they did on HIS earth so I'll leave that to him. Now you've read pretty much everything about his last days, his life and his music what stands out to me is how sad of a life he ended up happening. I mean between the drug abuse, the skin disease, the surgeries, the weird situation with surrogate mothers and broken marriages it just screams tragedy. A tragic life for one of the most gifted musicians we'll ever see. Heaven or Hell his music will live on forever.

RIP Mike Jackson, 1958-2009

So Michael Jackson died. More on this later...for now just this clever cartoon from the Atlanta Journal Const.

Cell Phone Pics Fridays

I grilled some apples, actually were pretty good.


















Mexican night.













Yoga Dude. Gay eh?

EL Pad Diet

I'm designing my own diet. I'm smart enough to do this and do not have a degree in nutrition. I refuse to use other people's advice or regimen. Fuck them. And I won't pay for anything, I can think of something myself. Use your brain people.

1 and 1/2 of your meals will consist of fruits and vegetables only.

Your choice. This means, one whole meal consists of fruits or vegetables only. 2-3 servings should be the what you eat (in that meal). Then the 1/2 is to accompany a lean meat.
The other meal is to be whatever your heart desires. Anything. The goal is to stay away from eating 3 big meals, racking up unecessary calories, burning more fat just on limited amount of inertia and speeding up metabolism. Here is an example of what I ate today:

Breakfast
Plum, Banana and a pint of blueberries. Water. Fresh orange juice.

Lunch
2 skinless chicken breasts, sauteed broccli, large green apple, water

Dinner
Gonna be whatever the fuck I want but I just spoke to my wife and she's making stuffed peppers which is good because it's lean ground beef and involves a vegetable.

Snacks throughout the day could include sweets but moderately. Try and sub the sweets with nuts, hot beverages (fools the belly into thinking your full), cereal (not too sweet though), breadsticks, toast, pretzels, low salt chips, frut bars, granola bars, yogurts, muffins, etc.

My snacks for today were two Rafaello Ferarro treats and I infused blackberries in hot tea with lemon and a dash of sugar. Drank plenty of water and chewed some Eclipse gum, which also curbs appetite because your chewing and the enzymes get digested even though hardly any substance of use gets absorbed.

Disclaimer : If you die don't blame me.

Fasten Your Seatbelt

Are all cops douchebags? Never ran into one that wasn't, that's for sure. This morning I had to move my car because in NYC we have what's called Alternate Side Parking. If you don't move your car you get a ticket from the Dept. of Sanitation who need to clean the streets. So as I was walking to my car I saw a spot on the "right" side of the street. As I hurried to get there I turned the corner only to see a cop car, but he waved me to go first, nice gesture I thought. Then as I line up the spot, check my mirror he has his lights on. I continue backing into the spot thinking those lights can't be for me so on the loudspeaker cop #1 says please stop your vehicle. For fuck's sake I stop, they come out, act like I'm a carjacking thief because they stand like 10 feet away and approach from both the driver's side and the passenger side ask for my paperwork and return with a $120 ticket for not wearing a seatbelt. Unfucking real. I told the cop I live up the block and was simply moving my car, his retort was "fasten your seatbelt the before you move your vehicle, it's law". Fucking cuntbag.

Seatbelt law in itself is dumb anyway. If I want to risk my life that should be my decision. It won't directly harm someone else if I'm not wearing a seatbelt. It's not like I would be projected through the car window and spear some old lady driving down the street the wrong way. Lawmakers are the worst.

Things that twist my sack, #47

From the file of "Things that twist my sack" comes this little tidbit :

Hot, crispy McDonald's hash brown. So delicious, so delectable. Perfect morning food. Here's my beef. The little white wrappers that hug the shit out of the morning treat I love so much. And here's why. They are not gentle. You ever order a couple of hash browns and a sweet tea, drive away stop, grab a succulent fried potato dream and attempt to remove it from the dastardly white wrapper? Only for the dastardly white wrapper rip the exterior shell from the fried potato dream? Then flip out like a monkey in a cage with a plastic banana and curse McDonald's to the highest fast food god? I have. WAY to many times. Memo to Mickey D's, use something that nestles and nurtures the fried potato dream. Not something that treats it like a cheating wife. I can't stand when my hash brown goodness gets compromised because executives choose a poor encasement wrapper.

That really twists my sack.

It was fucking hilarious.

I laughed. Go see it. Then we'll discuss.

When Shit Gets Done

Saturday felt good. You know when you got a shit load of shit to do and you just keep putting it off or run out time and the list gets bigger. Well I tackled a list like that on Satruday.

Dry Cleaning : Should have opened one myself. Major business, only overhead is equipment. My bill averages $150 a month. Fucking Koreans.

Haircut : I hate getting haircuts. Yet I despise ponytails on men. Go figure. But yes I consider it a chore.

Jeweler : I need my wedding band to be stretched because my fingers got fat. Yup, it's finally starting to happen. Metabolism is slowing down, weight happens. Laugh it up all those people that wished this on me when I was 160 pounds for like 7 years. Fat fucks.

Car Insurance Inspection : I switched from Geico ($3900 a year) to Progressive ($1940 a year). That was a wise decision. But I had to get a photo inspection done at one of the Carco locations. It didn't take long and was free but it's still viewed as a pain in the ass.

Oil Change : When I was 13 I would help my dad change the oil on our Oldsmobile. But now I just pay someone the $25 and have them do it. It's easier this way.

Food Shopping : When is this not a chore? We eat to damn much.

Cell Phone Pics Fridays

I tried this over Memerial Day Weekend and it was superb.
Try it. You'll like it. Try it, I know you'll like it.

















Rotten lil kid from donwstairs. Damn grandchildren.

















Nice coffin.

PA has some redeeming qualities

Weekend was solid, we put together a slip n' slide in the backyard. Drank Yuengling cans and had a bucket of margarita's in the freezer. The PA house is a nice getaway, it's located up in the Pocono mountains of Pennsylvania. It's a large compound of luxury houses surronded by lakes, golf courses, ski hills and other recreational activities. My uncle bought a house up there about 5 years ago.

Hideout link.

Picture Gallery.

It's a nice little getaway you know, different from a NJ shore house or Hamptons getaway. I can fish all I want, I can lay in grass if I choose, sit on some rocks on a creek, skip rocks on the lake, drink beers under the stars, get a roaring fire going in the back, chase deer, golf, shoot hoops, make pretend I can play tennis, ski in the winter, rent a boat or just sleep and relax. Which is key. For some reason the house brings out the sleep til noon el pad. It's just cozy.

No Super Bowl MVP I know gets rescued after flipping a fucking kayak.

I smell pussy. Is that you Tom?

Tom Brady rescued in a river after flipping his kayak over. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

BBBBBBBBWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

oooooo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

hold on ::gasping for air clutching side::

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

BBWBWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

holy shit this is gold

because even if eli manning is the most boring, preppy, illeterate looking son of a bitch out there, in no way would he ever need to be rescued from a river after flipping over his kayak.

furthermore, I'm sure as a Super Bowl MVP, Eli would figure he'd rather die in that river than get pulled out by another man.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

Suck it Brady!

Hilarious link.

Diseased

I had some cell phone pics to post but they are on my work PC and I'm home. Sick. Got some hybrid chest flu thing. Combination of the kid and the gooks on the subway. Deadly combo.

I almost bought the green bags that I can store fruit up to 2 weeks longer!

Oil is going to hit $85 a barrel. Listen to me. If you in the market buy some long Oil future contracts or oil related stocks.

Air France flight 447 details are horrifying.

I'm not letting this illness detract me from going away this weekend. Still plan on going up to PA for a little R&R. Although there are plans for 50 ft. of fury. Which is 4 Slip and Slides.

I just find it weird that Obama quotes the Koran over the Holy Bible.

Today is national Doughnut Day. Dunkin and Krispy Kreme are giving away free donuts. Homer Simpson cries tears of joy today.

Shaving and haircuts are terrible.

Growing Pains

One of the joys of having a kid is watching them grow, learn and discover new things. But I got to thinking last night that if my kid knew what I knew about a couple of life's minor details she might be better off.

For instance she has a pretty bad cold right now. And I'm trying to teach her how to blow her nose. You see, as you all know, if you blow your nose mucus will come out and relieve some sinus pressure and if it does come out it will cause you to cough less. She doesn't understand this and gets pissed off when I try to show her how to blow the boogers out. Also since we are a pill popping society she sees us prepping a little dropper with medicine in it and flips out. Like fights you. She has a mean right jab too. Caught me in the eye last night. Little wench. Anyway if she knew this medicine would alleviate some of her symptoms she would take it like she takes candy.

Another thing I noticed that I think she'd appreciate is to hold the stick of a lollipop when eating one. Do not hold the actual candy. Because, and I know this will blow her mind, once you wet the lollipop it will get sticky and your hands will also become sticky. She looks at me like "yo man wtf are my hands sticky for" and expects me to wipe them while she eats the lollipop. I'm like "yo lil girl, hold the lollipop by the stick and you wont have these problems". She responds with a deep ::blank stare::.

She'd definitely appreciate knowing that when you bang your head on purpose that shit hurts. Definitely. Also biting fingers.

One more thing I know she'd love to know beforehand. Paper and plastic taste the opposite of good. No taste. Nothing. Not even nutritional value. Hell I haven't eating plastic or paper in 28 years. She'd love to know that.

A letter.

A letter to the President, written by the great Lou Pritchett.

Dear President Obama, You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me. You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you. You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support. You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American. You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll. You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core. You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others. You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail. You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad. You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector. You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one. You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves. You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world. You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations. You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals. You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people. You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient. You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do. You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view. You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing. Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

To say that I agree with him would be a gross understatement.