Monday, October 30, 2006

Mango Salsa

Time for the critically acclaimed Mango Salsa!

Went to a wedding this past weekend. It was a cousin of mine. Wasn't bad.
We don't really talk, ever. But we have the same last name (not anymore) so
you have to come out and support the family tree.

Cocktail hour food was nice. Dinner was pretty good. But what blew me away was the
venetian hour dessert's. That shit was off the heezeee for sheezzeee!
Warm banana's in Grand Marnier over ice cream. Hot waffles with ice cream.
Millions of pastries, gelato, fruits, chocolate fountain for dipping all kinds of bad things for you and Irish coffees. A+

Three weeks me and the boyz hit up the mystique of Lambeau Field. Can't wait.

I think I'm going to write a "If I ruled the world" post. I have some ideas that need to be heard. Like 4 day work weeks and optional topless days.

Do people that listen to IPOD's or Discman's very loud bother you?
I hate that. I listen to my shit loud only if I'm walking down a street or something like that.
In an elevator or crowded subway I listen to it at a volume that only I can hear.
Keep your shitty music to yourself.

Short and sweet. More to come this week........

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Halloween Costumes

With Halloween around the corner, I figured why not talk of El Padrino's favorite Halloween costumes. Both past and present. I fondly remember every halloween costume I had when I was a kid. I'm not really a make-up kind of guy so most of them were "outfits".
But here they are and I'll throw in some ones that we all can use today. Enjoy!

Past (for the kids)

Superman- every kid was Superman at one point or another

King- I played the part in a school play so I kept the costume and used it that Halloween.
I still remember some of my lines (I would have been a tremendous actor)
"Jester! Fetch me some water!"

He-Man- I loved me some He-Man (that sounds very gay). My friend went as Skeletor that year and we had sword fights all night while ringing doorbells.

Hulk Hogan- My favorite wrestler at the time.

A Football Player- This was always simple and available. Boring, I know. The same goes for the baseball player costume. I would just put on the Little League jersey and that would be it.
Transformers- Voltron!

Jason- As I got older I got into more "Egg-throwing" friendly costumes. Black hoodie, black sweats, black kicks and a mask. Most of the time, a Jason mask.

Mummy- Easy and cheap.

Present (for parties)

Alot of ideas,

The Mel Gibson: Flannel shirt, act drunk and berate the Jews all night. And don't forget to hit on women.

The Verizon Guy: Grey jacket, black framed glasses. Follow people around all night and explain to them you are thier network. Works better with two or three other people dresses as phone company workers.

The Britney Spears: Ladies only. Get dolled up in the best trailer park trash outfit and walk around all night with a baby doll. Make sure to drop it at least 20-30 times.

Madonna- Again, ladies only. Walk around dressed like a slut, make sure to have that retarded red bracelet and make sure to be walking around with a black baby doll.

Harry Pothead- Walk around dressed like Harry Potter, act stoned and smoke weed if permissable.

Brokeback- Dress up like a cowboy and hit on every guy in the party. I do not recommend this. Doesn't look good for your image.

Flava Flav!!!!- any ridiculous, colorful suit will do. Make sure you get the fake clock to rock around the neck, also make sure to talk like he does and punctuate everything you say throughout the evening with "FLAVA FLAV!"

Big Foot' s Dick- I think Spencer's is selling a giant penis costume. Buy this then glue some fake or real hair to it and you'll be Big Foot's Dick. Oh, I almost forgot. Rub the costume with cheez balls or indian food. This will give it the proper odor to seem like Big Foot's Dick.

Sen. Foley- Walk around in a suit minus the pants and peruse a teen boy magazine all night.

Borat- Grab one of those green bathing suit numbers BORAT'S SUIT . And fuck with people all night.

Barry Bonds or any other steroid related athelete- simple, put on his jersey and walk around with needles in your ass.

T.O- fake kill yourself every 10 mins or so. And do situps on the lawn before and after you leave. In full football gear....

Peter King- Put on a curly wig, walk around asking football questions, tout Lamont Jordan for the hall of fame, keep talking about Rutgers and Mary Beth and....walk around with cups of Starbucks at all times.

Bin Laden- Wear a white sheet with a toy AK-47 and hide in the corner the whole night. Ask people to find you.

Emeril Lagasse- Black curly wig, white chef's suit and sprinkle shit on the food all night while screaming "BAM, BAM". Also try to get the New Orleans accent down pact, down the word "Icebox".

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Gollum


Well, I think it's long overdue. I know there have been times where I have mentioned that I work next to a real life Gollum (see pic above if you don't know what a Gollum is). This Gollum needs his own post. In fact the other guy I work with, who happens to be of Jewish descent, needs to be mentioned as well. Why? Because my anger towards him is second to only the Gollum. Shall we?

Gollum is a skinny bald Polish man who is so fucking annoying it's maddening. It makes you think about things like murder and murder. He looks just like a Gollum, hence the name. His english is broken, his manners are non-existent and he thinks like most Europeans do, which is that they are better then everyone else. If you have any contact with Russians like I do here in NY, you'll get my drift. Attitude.

I will now breakdown each "beef's" I have with this creature:

1. He constantly interrupts my phone conversations with ridiculous questions pertaining to a wide range of topics including but not mostly, work.
Dude, I get it. I'm at work. I'll get to whatever work I have to do when I get off the phone.
Fuck yourself and your dumb mother. Leave me be.
2. He will almost always ask a very dumb or senseless question. And he always asks me for the date. The date!! The same date that is on his calender on his desk. But he feels the need to ask me for it. Because for some reason, I am Father Almanac.
As far as the dumb, senseless questions go they range from anything like "Yo, how much is, um, you know, those things, um, oh, chapstik, how much is chapstik?" to "Hey, what subway line you use?". And then if I answer him he wants to carry a conversation about it. (If there is one thing I hate about talking to strangers it's having mindless, useless conversations. I hate them.
No I don't feel the need to talk about the weather just because we work in the same building and we happen to be in the elevator together. And no I don't care if you had a good weekend. Please don't ask me about my weekend.)
3. He always, without fail, asks me in the morning, as soon as I get in..."What's the story?"
Everyday. Everyday, the same question and everyday I say "nothing". But he keeps asking me. Sometimes he asks me this question 4 or 5 times throughout the day! What STORY!
WHAT THE FUCK! TURN AROUND AND DON'T TALK TO ME EVER! UNLESS YOUR QUITING AND IN THAT CASE JUST SLIP ME A NOTE SO I CAN GRAB ALL YOUR POST-ITS! Fuck!
4. He eats strange and smelly things from Poland. Yeah, weird shit. I don't know what it is half the time but he explains it like this: "you know, like pasta with meat but not really...it's very good for you, in my country this is how we eat, not like here, here everything is crap". Um no, if it was like pasta then it would be pasta, that bowl of shit your eating is not pasta so don't say it's like it. And he eats raw peeled Garlic. Like a piece of candy or some shit. Pshycho.
5. It seems to me that he hates America. Just by what he says. He makes his living here and has nice things but bashes the country whenever he gets a chance. He says he refuses to pay taxes, he thinks the government is corrupt and out to get him, he doesnt believe in social security, every article he tries to make me read is anti-america. He doesn't trust anyone or anything. He mails everything from the post office because he thinks mailboxes is a way that government is looking at your mail. I'm like bro, bounce if you don't like it here. Yeah we have our issues but we are the greatest country in the world biatch.
6. He fully believes that 9/11 was the government. He fully believes that Bush and the republicans ordered planes to crash into buildings and fields to kill thousands of americans so he can go to war with Iraq over oil and money. If anyone else believes that please don't read or frequent my blog anymore. Serious. Bye.
7. He swears that the US dollar is garbage and that one day, we will use the Gold Standard again. No serious. He thinks that Gold is money that we will all use it again, like the Wild West.
And he forces upon on me hundreds of right wing articles that are so ridiculous it makes real liberals look like elephants.
8. He says alot of shit that starts off with "In my country". I hate those comments. Because mostly they are arrogant and pointless. In your country, yada, yada, yada. Then go back to your country and eat dirt and be politically assasinated you hump.
9. The man wears the same pants everyday. Everyday he has on black courduroy's. Either he owns a courduroy factory or he just hasn't bought a pair of pants in 2 years. Luckily they do not smell.
10. He's always in my business. For instance as I was typing this and he saw the word "Poland" and says: "What bout Poland? What is this your writing?" Nothing. Go back to hating America.
If I'm on the phone, and he hears me say "Verizon" he'll ask me a million question about Verizon and how he likes them or dislikes them or whatever. Hey dickface. I don't want to talk to you about that because I was talking to someone else about it on my phone.
11. He never shuts up. I mean all damn day he talks. And repeats what he says. Over and over again. "What's the story" "What do ya say" "Everything is shenanigins" "Buy Gold".

This is the man I sit next to. Would you convict me if I were to do it?

Monday, October 23, 2006

Failure Is In The Air

I'm actually not as mad as I thought I would be. Despite feeling like my dog died a terrible death I was still pretty focused and ready to take that test on Friday.

And then the test started.

Ever get the feeling like your drowning? Or like the walls are closing in?
That's not how I felt, I was just asking.

The first 4 questions I took like 19 seconds to answer.
I was like man, I'm doing good! Then the next 18 or so I felt like Spinks against Tyson. Just wobbly.

Here's why I'm not that pissed about failing this ridiculously long and boring test.
I went to a two week review class that supposedly was supposed to focus on what was on the actual tests. I missed one class due to a Game 1 ticket that fell unto my lap (thank god).
But that day the class was geared towards margin and since that's what I do, I didn't need to attend anyway. But I was there and attentive for the other classes.

50 questions on options. Check
50 questions on muni bonds. Check
25 questions on "other" bonds. Check.
15 questions on opening and closing accounts. Check
10 questions on Margin. Check.

So that leaves 100 questions. No one, including the instructor, told me that out of that remaining 100 (big part) that there could be 81 questions on "brokerage products".
No one. As Spike Lee would say, "We got bamboozled".

81 questions is alot. Now if your wondering what brokerage products are let me shed some shine. "Brokerage Products" include everything from Commodities, Mutual Funds, Annutities,
Preferred Stock, Corporate Bonds, Units, REIT's, Ginnie Mae's, Warrants, Rights and Subscriptions. Now, I'm no broker and I don't want to be, so my knowledge in these areas are weak. But If I was told that they were going to be on the test I would have learned about them.

Hence, a 62. You need a 70 to pass. Valiant effort by the El Pad I Know.
I'll probably take it again at some point. It's no big deal, I don't need it to work, I was just hoping to bag it for future use.

Also in my defense, the Mets absolutely crushed me the night before by losing Game 7.
It was definetely the worse loss I know as a Mets fan. True 88' against the Dodgers was bad but I was only 8 years old and although I remember crying like a Molly, I was over it by the time I sat down for some Eggo's the next morning.

Friday, October 20, 2006

I'm A Failure

Details to come on Monday.

Monday, October 16, 2006

A Taste of Mango Salsa

I got my Series 7 test this week (Friday) so this might be it for me for the week...
Until then here is a tad of Mango Salsa to dive into.....

I really never talk about what I do professionally but I came across this gas price article this am and since it involves Hedge Funds I can relate. Thought you guys would be interested. Alot of people feel the high gas prices get manipulated by government and while that might be true don't ever rule out the possibility of the market. When I say the market I don't always mean the stock market, there are other markets to which I refer and for this case I mean the commodity market. Futures is what some of you may know them by. It's pretty boring to the average schmo but it's really quite fascinating if you learned it. If you think your paying too much for a pound of coffee or for a quart of OJ (watch Trading Places) look no further than the futures market. The price of say "coffee beans" may be high and traders who trade these future contracts may be bullying the price (to make $$) that in turn force consumers to pay more that it may even be worth. This article I am linking is dealing with Natural Gas which is a commodity. Check it out if you want.
CNN GAS PRICES

Mets got to do it tonight, the thought of a game seven, albeit home, scares me.

I saw "The Departed" over the weekend and let me tell you. That was a great movie.
Go see it right away. Dicaprio was great, Damon was real good and Nicholson was awesome as a crime boss. Not to mention fucking Baldwin and Marky Mark. You guys really got to go see it. Downside was the length, I thought a 20 minute edit would have done justice.

On the big screen, the Frank Miller "300" movie looks really fucking good.
Visually stunning is how I would describe it.

Other upcoming flicks that look good......
"Catch A Fire" : with Boobie Miles
"Flags of Our Fathers" : A Eastwood flick about the Iwo Jima solders who raised the flag
"Borat" : Funny stuff
"Blood Diamond" : Sierra Lione territory....guns, diamonds, rebels.....good stuff.
"The Good Sheppard" : The life of a CIA agent and the effect on his normal life. Through his eyes, starring De Niro, Jolie, Damon. Also Directed by De Niro.

There are 300 million people in the U.S as of 12:0whatever this am. And there are 237 million vehicles. That makes sense. We should kill all the rich people.

Oliver Stone is up to his shit again as he is in plans of making a movie about the hunt for Bin Laden. Can't wait for another liberal view of this.
Why don't we just blame Bush for the JFK assasination?

Wikipedia's featured article today is about the Chola Dynasty. Jus sayin'.

Dog The Bounty Hunter is in some shit huh? Condelezza Rice has 29 House of Reps asking her to stop his extradition to Mexico to face charges from an arrest he made there. Cool.

Fall is the best weather. Love it. I smell winter too. Can't wait.

Wish me luck. I'm a failure.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

LETS GO METS!!!!!!!!














I WANT YOU TO BE LOUD!

I WANT EVERYONE TO GO TO YOUR WINDOW!

OPEN IT!

AND SCREAM!

LET'S GO METS!
LET'S GO METS!

METS in 6. They have the better bullpen and the better line-up.
And they won't let Prince Albert beat them.

Can't wait to see the Tigers. It's going to be a good one.




Thursday, October 05, 2006

Mango Salsa

HUGE Mets win last night, game 1 is important in a 5 game series. Faint of heart need not apply for any Mets game this October. They are all going to be like this. But our bullpen is best so that's good.

I'm off from work tomorrow so eat my shorts.

Don't look now but the Dow Jones is at a all-time high. So high it could touch the sky. Many people with fancy college degrees thought this would never happen. Shows what they know.

College Degrees: OVERRATED.

Don't forget El Padrino's weekly betting column runs on this blog every Friday http://sonsofkc.blogspot.com/ as well as an occasional column related to sports.
It's a fantastic blog with real people who can write and have strong opinions on sports.

Those dudes from Long Island that were in the Brazil plane crash are screwed.
Brazilian officials are not letting them leave the country.....it seems as if they are blaming them for the crash that killed 155 people. Link is here:
http://www.nydailynews.com/10-05-2006/news/crime_file/story/458530p-385843c.html

Large Tea, lemon 3 sugars. I say that every am to the coffee cart guy on 7th and 49th st.
Just giving you a peek in my world.

Whatever happend to the spinach thing? Can we eat it? I enjoy spinach. I need to know.
Also, is SARS still out there? Anthrax? WMD? Can I get an update on what I have to worry about please?

I took up two seats on the subway this am because I was angry. Fuck the world my nuts need a seat to bitch. Stand!

No work Monday! Columbus Day! I love that ginny fuck!

Guy at work today is sporting a mohawk. Really? What, did you lose a bet or something. When did this become ok? A mohawk while working in an office in a Fortune 500 company? Ok. You'll get ahead in life. Moron.

I hate the gollum. He deserves a whole post.

Til next time.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

October Baseball

LET'S GO METS!

Real quick baseball playoff preview....

PADRES over Cardinals (3-0)
Pods in playoffs for back to back years for the first time in....forever! And they have home-field this time around. Last year St. Loo swatted them in four games, this year it's time for revenge.
No one stumbled in to the playoffs like the Cardinals did.

METS over Dodgers (3-1)
Just too much firepower and it doesn't matter that Pedro is out. He's been out since July.
Mets wrapped up the division without him. Don't give me garbage on how the Mets can't hit lefties. Kuo or Kou, whatever the fuck his name is not Johan Santana so stop it.

TWINS over A's (3-2)
Sanatana twice and the baggy dome 3 times. I'll admit I picked the A's to make the WS in my April baseball preview but I don't see them winning a game in Minny. That Tiger collapse was huge.

YANKS over Tiger's (3-1)
Instead of a home opener against the A's they get a flight to the Bronx. Good job. Was Matt Millen involved in this somehow?

The rest of the way........
I'm not sane to predict the rest of the way. My rooting interest is too hard. Will the country be bored with another Subway Series? Cuz that's highly likely.
If not Yanks, Twins will take on the Mets. And then I'll start worrying about not hitting lefties.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Serious 7

Series 7. It's a license. A license to trade securities. A stockbroker license.

No I'm not a stockbroker but I am studying to take the exam just to have it (it will help me in my profession). I haven't been studying so hard but with three weeks til the date that I take it, I'm ramping up my efforts.

This means I won't be frequenting the blogs to the right as often as I normally do. Also posting will be more sporadic and few. So bear with me please. I'm trying to become a millionaire.
Don't take it personal. It's hard enough the Mets are in the playoffs and I won't be getting any normal sleep the next (hopefully) few weeks.

This has been a public service announcement by El Padrino.