What do you think is more exciting , having sex or boosting cars?

I have a tattoo on my arm with a cross and a scroll wrapped around it. It says R.I.P Dad. When I wear polo's too work it sometimes peeks out from beneath the sleeve. And when people see it they ask if they can see the whole thing. When I show them sometimes they ask ridiculous questions. Today the following was an example of that

This is a real conversation:

Queer office guy who was born in San Francisco and likes ham and pineapple on his pizza says:
"Hey I notice you have a tattoo, what is it"

Me: "It's a cross."

Queer office guy who was born in San Francisco and likes ham and pineapple on his pizza says:
"Can I see it?"

Me: "Um, sure" (pulls up sleeve to show tattoo)

Queer office guy who was born in San Francisco and likes ham and pineapple on his pizza says:
"Oh my gosh, your father died?"

(Fake answer) Me: "No, just got it in advance so when he does I don't have to get a tattoo that says he did."

(Real answer) Me: "Yup."

Queer office guy who was born in San Francisco and likes ham and pineapple on his pizza says:
"Jeez, sorry to hear that. Must have been awful. It is a nice cross though".

(Fake answer) Me: *Forearm shiver to the nose*

(Real answer) Me: "Yea thanks"

The end.


This is painful place to be. I hate 87% of the people here. And no it's not me.

Believe me.

Hi. Welcome to the future. San Dimas, California, 2688

RIP Mr. Carlin. I thought you were a funny bastard. Make sure you complain all the way up those stairs.

It's easier to pull the trigger than play guitar. Easier to destroy than create.

I have a terriffic tequilla shrimp recipe I think I should share. I first had this sort of dish in Cabo San Lucas Mexico at Cabo Wabo. Sammy Haggar's joint. This recipe is not exactly that dish but a bit similar to what I remember.

Figure about 2 pounds of shrimp, peeled/deveined....

Marinade: 2 shallots, 2 cloves of garlic, salt, pepper, olive oil, fresh lime juice, cumin, cayenne pepper and of course the main attraction, Tequilla.

I'm bad with measurements so bear with me. Be liberal with the S&P, go about 8 shakes of the Cumin, I'd say about a half of a cup of the Olive Oil, and a little less that a half of a cup of the Tequilla. Oh and the juice of 2 limes. If the first lime is real juicy that would be enough. Use the Cayenne to your liking. I go about 6 shakes because I'm gangsta but that's just me.

Easiest way is to skewer up the shrimp (if using wood skewers be sure to soak them in water first) . Then pour the marinade over the shrimp and refrigerate for about an hour or two. Then grill. Then eat. Preferably with a beer or margarita if that's your thing.

Then while your eating them, remove your pants and do a dance.
Just kidding. But whoever does this and proves it with a picture or video gets something in the mail from me. Cuz that would be hilarious.

So you lie to yourself to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do it.

Funerals suck.

I was thinking, you know those people that dig the graves? Essentially known as Gravediggers. What kind of job is that? Who signs up for that shit? Morticians too. I know they must take pride in making the deceased look decent for the family but these people must be missing a part of thier brain that we have. Just creeps me the fuck out.

I'll say one thing about Funeral Directors. All day seeing families in mourning and all day dealing with burials and what not they must get off of work and really enjoy thier downtime/social life. I could see that being a plus. I mean really enjoy being out of work. You know what I'm sayin?

Mints are key. Just as important as strategically placed tissue boxes.

I think when I go I would want a video montage of myself played. I would also like Mr. Met to pay his respects, a live cabaret band, a pit of snakes and a fully stocked bar for my mourners. In addition no tears are allowed. If you cry, you get thrown out DJ Jazzy Jeff style. Fuck that. Life is sad enough. Deaths should be happy.

Oh El Pad died? Fucking A man I hope they have Wild Turkey cuz I'm getting fucked up at his funeral.

In other words what I'm sayin is, weddings should be like funerals and funerals like weddings. We got them all backwards. Agree?

I'm dying, how are you?

So two weeks after my godmother suffers a double stroke my godfather was found dead in bed yesterday morning. Apparentely his heart just stopped at some point through the night. Over the years he had a few neck surgeries to correct some degenrative disks and other junk. He dealt with alot of pain over the years and took alot of heavy medication. I'm guessing this all took a toll on the ticker at some point and it had enough. Either way it was sudden. He was only 49. So that sucks. I just feel for my grandma. She has buried two sons (other one was my father) and lost her husband (my grandfather) to cancer a little over two years ago. She's a tough woman though so hopefully she'll be ok. I can't live without some of her food anyway so she has no choice but to stick around.

Thanks for any well wishes ahead of time, I will be back early next week.

I don't train girls.

It's hot. I normally don't complain about summer temps because I enjoy them but it's a different type of hot sometimes. It's all because of the Humidity. When it's 97 degrees with 83% humidity it's fucking insanely hot. Like your dripping in places you didn't think produced sweat. And when your amongst 10,000,000,000,000 other people on the trains or walking in the street it just seems worse. That's my rag statement of the day.

Dubai man. They are really flushed with cash. See them building all that shit. The tallest hotel, the tallest building, man made island communities, giant office buildings...etc. Shit. I shoulda been an Oil monger.

I really hate when someone talks to me when I'm peeing. Especially a stranger.

New IPHONE, price a little lower. Maybe I'll bite.

Every man... every man has to go through hell to reach paradise.

Good thing I don't act on impulse and good thing we have laws and good thing I'm deathly afraid of prison. Because this place would be burned to the ground and the Gollum would get two to the head.

I swear my boss is lost sometimes. I can't wait to sit in a office, collect a six figure salary, take 74 days off throughout the year, and delegate work to minions beneath me. What a life.
Then come out and ask elementary questions. Or look puzzled when I speak of our procedures.

Does anyone have a routine in the morning? I gotta get back to one. It's so heltah skeltah sometimes. I need to throw a little excercise in my day somewhere. It's hard though. Your whole life changes with the kid so you have to adjust to her little life first then yours. Doable though, just takes some thought and execution. And dedication, to which I have none.

A diet would be nice too. I will make my own. I am not a sheep.

Cheesepie is delicious.

Every once in awhile a good ol-fashioned Hershey bar does the trick.

With almonds of course........

Transportation by ferry is the way to go. I am still trying to figure out how I can make this happen. 3 trains, mind blowing crowds, and long walks are really taking a toll on me. Mentally.

When someone goes by initials as names I like to guess what those initials stand for. It's fun. Like I work with this guy E.J. and yes he still calls himself E.J. so I wonder what E.J. means.
I've narrowed it down to Edward James and Elisha Jonathan.

It's a little over year since my Lasik surgery. God bless it.