My First Fucking Car.

And there she is. In all her glory. 1984 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser Station Wagon. A throwback to a time when piling a family into a car meant wood panneling and bitchin' V8 engine. Dad taught me how to change the oil on this beast. We took this fucker down to Wildwood, NJ for summer vacations. We also did a Lake George trip and a Pocono's run. I learned how to pop the collar off the steering column with a screwdriver on this car. Which led to other life-changing events that I won't cover now. I also received fellatio in this car and sexually assaulted some girls in back carry wagon portion of this fickle beast.

I learned how to drive on this car. When I showed up the driving test with this beast the instructor took one look at me (scrawny kid, glasses, backwards hat, ny accent) and dismissed me immediately. Then I scored 100 on the test and she asked me if I can teach her nephew how to drive (how can a driving instructor not be able to teach someone how to drive i thought). Unfortunately the beast had to put down after 316,000 miles and wilted in the Florida heat. I miss her.

2010 El Pad Xmas Wish List

First off, I've asked for a Taser every year and I still haven't gotten it. Whatever. I want a fucking Taser.

In lieu of a taser, a bow and arrow.
Door kegerator kit.
XBOX 360 with all the bells and whistles.
One large Liger (Liger.)
Old School Survivor Series T-shirt.
One of those remote controlled helicopters from Brookstone.
Scotch
Wine
Beer
Those Flip video cameras are quite cool.
A cast iron pan.
A powerful laptop so I can rid myself of the bulky Home PC.
A globe.
A tablet PC for my travels abroad.
Food Processor, a really nice quiet one.
Ice Cream machine.
Piano, a big fucking Piano. I want to tickle the ivories.

Happy Shopping and remember it's the thought that counts.

Watch the parade and wait for Santa

Happy Thanksgiving guys. I'm taking tomorrow off but back Friday with my yearly "I WANT THIS SHIT FOR XMAS" list.

I know you're waiting on that.

Gobble gobble. Even though I'm not sure why Turkey stuck out as the main dinner option when the feast consisted of so much more like......The feast consisted of fish (cod, eels, and bass) and shellfish (clams, lobster, and mussels), wild fowl (ducks, geese, swans, and turkey), venison, berries and fruit, vegetables (peas, pumpkin, beetroot and possibly, wild or cultivated onion), harvest grains (barley and wheat), and the Three Sisters: beans, dried Indian maize or corn, and squash. (source WIKI aka The Bible)

Fucking wish we ate the three sisters instead. HEY OH!

Holiday Beer Season

Remember my beer post from awhile back, when I harped on seasonal beers? Well Xmas cometh early with Sam Admas Holiday Porter Malt. It taste like xmas morning, angels breasts, caramel, spice, slight autumn breeze and dove sex.

Another fantastic brew from Sammy Adams is Old Fezzig Ale. Available in the seasonal beer 24 pack this season. It taste like a sugar cookie with cinnamon, pine, a baked log and jesus breath. It's equally awesome.

Tomorrow I will try the Chocolate Bock. I imagine I will like it.

Holiday Porter.

Old Fezzig Ale.

Splinter

Remember thinking it was the end of the world when you got a splinter? I'm trying to think of the age but getting a splinter as a kid was so dramatic. Because you knew that your dad was going to take one look at that thing and get the damn sewing needle out to fish that sucker out of your finger. CRY ME A RIVER. That was some stressful shit.

I remember vividly having this one splinter from messing around with the garbage the lady next door was throwing out. She was re-modeling her house and there were some old 2X4's that I guess I had interest in. Anyway I had this massive splinter that initially I hid from my dad because I knew his tactics. And I wasn't down with that. I told my mom in confidence and too her credit she held off telling him for a day or two, it wasn't until the damn thing started to actually hurt when she gave me up. He took one look at that thing and grinned like he was getting paid to remove it. I screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, he tried tweezers but they didn't work, due to my delay the wood situated itself under the skin. So the pin had to be used. And I cried and cried. He looked at me to stop crying, probably wondering to himself why his son was such a little bitch. I mean my dad was a tough bastard raised by a tougher bastard. And here I am crying like a lil girl while he's trying to remove a tiny foreign object from my tiny little index finger.

Not my finest moment.

Anyway splinters suck but are far less dramatic than they once were. I can't wait to torment my kids when they she get one.

Free Parking

You know living in NYC, well Brooklyn, has its perks and its hazards just like everywhere else. Parking is one of those hazards, unless you own a house with a driveway or rent a garage, finding a spot on a Brooklyn street is downright impossible at times. You literally have to drive around for a half n hour looking, hoping someone needs to leave and be at the right place at the right time to grab thier spot. And usually its at least a block or two away from where you actually live. It blows.

However the pizza is the best. And the deli's. But the parking sucks. I've wasted some of my life looking for a spots and it's annoying.