If I planned my wedding it'd look like this....
Ceremony:
(Groom has on shorts and a tshirt, Bride is a white cocktail dress, short preferably) :
Everyone is there, cue the Bride music, let here have her moment.
Yes, yes. Make out.
Done, head to the bridal suite for two hours (20 minutes tops) of straight up monkey sex.
Cocktail hour (2 hours):
Scenary:
As people walk into the room they are handed a shot of Jack Daniels or Tequilla. Your choice. Whoever doesn't take one will immediately be thrown out. Frank Sinatra blares in the background. On a theater size screen, a slideshow of the greatest moments in sports roll.
Booze:
Vodka Ice fountain. Jack Daniels barrel with tap. 10 beers on tap, the rest of the selection in bottles, 30 total to choose from. Wine tasting area. Full bar stocked with top shelf liquors.
Food:
Pig, roasted for 12 hours on a spit over a hot fire. Served with black beans and fried Yuca.
Benihana station. You know the deal.
Taco bar, complete with a sombrero wearing server.
The Grill, an open grill with 7 choice of steaks. You choose the steak, the guy (Bobby Flay, if he's available) grills it to your liking (well done orders frowned upon).
Steak choices: Filet Mignon, NY Strip, Porterhouse, Skirt Steak, Sirloin, Ribeye, & Flank.
Pizza. Wood oven, neopalitan style only.
Antipasto. Cold. Has many salted meats, cheeses, olives, salads you can possibly imagine.
Sampler station. Wings, skins, mini burgers, etc.
The Party:
Shuffle crowd into the party room, make sure everyone is seated. DJ will introduce the bridal party to T.I's bring em out, then me and my bride will come out to the chicago bulls entrance theme with low high fives on one side finished off with a chest bump for the best man. Best man will make his spiel, limited to one minute and must include at least three curse words. Me and bride will then dance the Tango.
Once we finish the party will begin. 3 straight hours of dancing to music. The wait staff will not be serving any food but they will act as personal bartneders. They are to fetch any and all orders of booze for my guests. The tables will not have any table clothes on them and there will be no flowers. Hanging from the walls will be movie posters, SI swimsuit covers and pennants.
After Party:
Guests will be ushered back into the cocktail hour room for an hour while the party room gets turned into a casino. The same food served earlier will again be served at that time.
Casino will include blackjack, no limit hold em, three card poker, roulette, craps and war. That's right war motherfuckers. All money won and lost is real. Those same waiters will again be turned into cocktail waiters/waitresses. The casino will close at sunrise.
Cabs and buses will be deployed to get everyone home safely. Thank you for coming out, god bless and good night.
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15 comments:
Perfection.
i want to go to your wedding.
so what you're saying is that you want to marry another dude?
no blue.
EP must get divorced, or this would be great for one of those "renewing the vows" things, she'll love the idea of renewing the vows, and you can plan all this , maybe dial it down a little because of funds
a renewal the vows party!
sweet idear
NY Strips are the best in the steak family.
"NY Strips are the best in the steak family."
Obviously, Keith. They're from NY. Or at least the metro area.
Looks like I'd have to bring my extra liver to this event ... and a bottle of Jagermeister.
The Tequila ... Padrone?
"The Tequila ... Padrone?"
C'mon, Los. Patron.
Patron and I'm partial to Cabo Wabo, it's delisshhhh
and i'll add the Jager
Cabo Wabo is moneybags.
Yeah, that was terrible of me ... I saw the commercial for Patron the other night ... I threw up in my mouth a little.
Sounds like every mans wet dream and every females NIGHTMARE!
Love your work.
I will be happy to provide my DJ services for free for this event.
You may pay me in free food.
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