Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I'm sorry MAMA, I never meant to hurt youuuu

For about 7 or 8 months I was kind of a bad seed. A real bad seed. Got caught up in the wrong crowd. Hangin by the pool hall, which my father forbade me to go to, was a bad choice. It sucked me in to some things I normally would not have done.

Breaking into cars, going along for a joyride in a stolen car, poppin the steering column off so someone else can hot wire it, holding a gun for a "friend" and stealing bikes. Also gotten into a share of fights, got jumped a few times and even got shot at via driveby (not as bad as it sounds, wrong time, wrong place type of deal, i was not a gangbanger by any means).

Breaking into cars : Take a wire hanger. Unfold it. Stick the hook part down the window (between the rubber part) when you feel a slight resistance to your pushing, move it slightly to left, then lift up the hanger. Voila. When done properly, takes 8 seconds. Max.

Joyride in a stolen vehicle : What was I going to say? No. I popped the damn collar off, I'm already guilty. We'd usually ditch the car after about 20 minutes because 5-0 was swarming in those days (mid nineties in nyc and the 5 boroughs, protect yo neck)

Poppin off the steering column : Take a flathead screwdriver, wedge it between the space in the collar (usually right at the top, dead center), wiggle it to create some space, then whack it with a hammer. Pops right off. Or take the screwdriver, wedge it inside the ignition and pop that off. Works best on 88-91 Oldsmobiles.

Holding a gun : Boy asked to hold his shit. .38 pistol . I said ok cuz it seemed like he was really in some trouble. His dad used to beat his ass daily and he didnt want him to find it. Said he had nowhere to hide it. So I hid it in my Genesis box with some games. Mom dukes never looked in there.

Stealing Bikes : So simple. First off whoever didnt lock up they bike got it thieved. And if it was locked and I liked it. I ganked it by borrowing a pair of clippers from the pizzeria I went to. I had more bikes than Toys'R' Us. Kept them chained in the alley of my boys building.

Not a path I would want my child to travel. But what the fuck, it is what it is. I'm over it, you should be too.

What I failed to mention is that I was only 14 years old. What I also failed to mention was once I moved down to Florida for awhile I got back into the crime persona I mastered as a young teen.
Selling weed, drag racing and shoplifting. The latter got me my first (and last) arrest.

Shoplifting was always something that came easy to me. I rarely paid for a bag of chips or gum at any bodega I frequented. Once that thrill left it was time for bigger and better things. Stealing a basketball from the park was not doing it anymore. I figured clothing would get a little more of a rise. The plan I devised was simple. Since the devices on the clothes made walking out with them difficult I would try a new way. Switching the tags. I figured I would take a tag that would scan @ 9.99 and put that tag on a pair of Mecca jeans that cost 59.99.

What a dumb idea. As soon as the lady rang me up some big peckerhead was escorting me to the back. Cops arrested me, released me since I was 18. Had to go to court and because I had a speeding ticket for $250 (I was racing and going 130 mph on a residential street) I got served with 1 year probation. From that day, I walked a straight arrow. I stopped selling pot, I stopped drag racing and just stopped being a delinquent. Ended up moving back to brooklyn, went to school and got this sweet ass job on Wall St.

Fairy Tales do come true bitches.

21 comments:

ToddPacker said...

very touching story, ep.... sounds like you were a little like calogero from a bronx tale... i'm guessing you never joined a 'family'

El Padrino said...

nah, almost tho
thru gambling of course

Spaceman Spiff said...

good job marty (ep)

Spaceman Spiff said...

whats getting jumped like, do they go for the kill or just rough you up, like do they do all head shots(kill/brain damage) or kick you around/body shots(teach you a lesson)

Spaceman Spiff said...

'now yous cant leave' (bar scene)

The Rev said...

I was wondering about the jump thing too.

Could they have taken you out if they wanted to? Or were they looking to just rough you up a bit?

El Padrino said...

jumped:

first time, it was a mugging, resisted, got cold clocked, then they kicked my ribs in

second time, knife pulled on me, convinced them to put that away by challenging any one to a aone on one, got held from behind while one kid took a shard of glass, put it between his knuckles and punched me in the face, i have a permananet scar on my face from that, when i went down i covered my face and they kicked my ribs and head around.

El Padrino said...

the knife was intense cuz i thought i was going to get stabbed, and since getting stabbed was popular during those times i really had to beg

Spaceman Spiff said...

damn, at least you can get pussy by saying 'dog'

El Padrino said...

true

Mama en Fuego said...

Been there, done that, have the "sealed" record to prove it. Although I never stole cars and went joyriding, I did do some other really, colossaly stupid shit.

Some of us get our shit together and some of us don't.

Right on El, glad you got your head straight.

El Padrino said...

thank you mrs. dirty birdie

Anonymous said...

I fucked a cow once.

ToddPacker said...

meiz, you're crazy

Anonymous said...

don't waste ya talent c

The Rev said...

Most that ever happened to me was getting shot at in a drive by.

I was one of the good kids. I hated getting into trouble. So I didn't. I've got too much of a guilty conscience.

But that night, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and some dude decided to lean out his window and take a shot into the pizza place where I was hanging outside.

He was too early with his shot. If he had been later, I'm hit.

El Padrino said...

rev the world would have crumbled if that bullet hit you

Mama en Fuego said...

I never actually got shot at but I did have a guy try to kidnap me and 2 girlfriends with a sawed off shot gun...ah, highschool, good times.

Los said...

A friend of mine from high school got kicked out of a bar once, and then he cold-cocked the bouncer. The bouncer fell to the ground, and his head cracked on the cement - he died instantly.

Spaceman Spiff said...

los, you could have at least tried to make that story funny

Spaceman Spiff said...

how bout them trojanzzzzzz, they wont pork you EP when im ridin em, 3 game win strizeak