Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Brooklyn Pizza & Porn Mountain

Brooklyn Pizza?

I'm offended. Really, I am. It's pretty hard to offend me. It takes alot.
As anyone seen the new commercials by Domino's advertising a "Brooklyn Style" pizza?

C'mon. You want me to believe that you are making a Brooklyn Style Pizza?
And you want me to believe that it tastes just like a slice of real Brooklyn pizza? You cannot be serious. Are you? Laughable. Just stick to making shitty cardboard pizza for fraternities across the country. You'll never make a pizza that tastes like Brooklyn.

Porn Mountain.

I have an idea for a theme park but the world ain't ready for it. It's called Porn Mountain.
It's a porn themed park filled with rides and attractions. Just like Six Flags.

There would be some roller coasters and some water rides.
The main attraction would be a state of the art Fucking Coaster.
The roller coaster would be made out like a dick and it would shoot into a replica vagina. It would start outside, climb to a drop point, then plunge inside a vagina and swirl around in the vagina. It would look real. The ride would end when the dick car would "pull out" or go backwards out of the vagina. Details still need to be worked out.

There would also be a lazy river with boob tubes.
A penis fountain for the ladies, where a giant penis would shower the crowd with water.
Water slides that resemble the curves of a woman.
Maybe a Pimps Up, Hoe's Down ride, where similar to Pirates of the Caribbean ride you'll go through some of America's most prominent spots for hookers.

Sounds good right?

11 comments:

Los said...

Dominoes did a "Philly Cheese-steak" pizza a while ago - and that offended me too. We have some pizza places in the area that make fantastic cheese-steak pizzas - and this Dominos version looked nothing like the real thing.

It offends me almost as much as those Olive Garden commercials in which the guy says, "My grandma came over from the old country, and I decided to take her out for some authentic Italian cooking at the Olive Garden." Seriously? You decided to take her to the Olive Garden? Are you doing this because you never want her to come back?

whocares said...

Isnt the "Brooklyn Pizza" just the same Domino's pizza cut into bigger slices with huge pepperonis on it? I live in Alabama and can smell that bullshit from a mile away...

Spaceman Spiff said...

living in orange county i have no idea what great pizza is. i eat ameci's out here, they make their own dough, and instead of grated cheese, they cover the thing in slices of mozzarella, leaving no space uncovered, is that acceptable? i like, is nice

El Padrino said...

zeke
it's possible if the guy is from ny that it's at least close

los, i figured you would be, that cheesesteak thing looked wretched
win any $$ in AC?

whocares- it is bullshit, i think that's exactly what it is, so you can "fold it"

spaceman- you are a pizza virgin

beat it anon!

Los said...

I broke even for the most part - it was absolutely crowded on Sunday and Monday for some reason.

El Padrino said...

monday?
ummm, strange

ToddPacker said...

i miss the ny pizza scene...we have a couple of tony's and vito's down hear from NY that can make a decent pie, but not quite real NY pizza

domino's = dog food

El Padrino said...

i never found a decent slice in those 3 years i lved there TP.

acutally some place called cuccio's was decent now that i remember

Fairmaiden327 said...

I am shocked. Did Gollum clobber you with a donut? EP?!? Ha ha. I didn't even think you swore. Anyway, don't forget you are writing the Asshole of The Week feature on my blog tomw. Hugs.

Jugdish said...

The porn mountain idea has already been done by comedian Rodney Carrington.

The BIG Pecker Ride! Put 4 guys in a big pecker...send em up titty mountain, down titty mountain...rub the nipple as you go on by.

Fairmaiden327 said...

Jugdish: HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA