Cell Phone Robbery

So I was at the beach on Saturday chillin' with my lil homegirl and before I got to the beach I had a phone. However when I left I no longer had a phone. You see while alot has been done to clean up the Coney Island beaches officials forgot to get rid of all the lowlifes that populate the area. This can simply be done with a "daisy cutter" bomb. Rebuild the area and an influx of solid character people will come. I was sitting around a group of young spanish (spics) teenagers and you know they were rambuctions and whatnot. Not one of them were over 120 lbs. and none of them would physically strike fear into anyone alive. They were harmless is what I'm trying to say. Harmless little spanish flies. So I stored my phone on the front cooler bag pocket and throughout the day used it for a number of reasons, once to take a picture of a large woman wearing a not so large bathing suit for scientific reasons, and a couple of times to call my wife. Each time I put it back in the cooler bag. We went back and forth to the water because my daughter fucking loves it and each time we'd come back and nothing would be missing. So during the last trip to the water (we were there for about 20 min) I came back to my stuff and started packing up to leave. Not even noticing that the kids that were around me were gone. So as I start packing up I get to the boardwalk and check for my phone. Not there. Check again. Not there again. Check one more time. Not there. Retrace my steps from blanket to beach thinking phone fell out somehow (keep in mind I'm lugging around 30 lbs. of shit and a tired toddler). NOTHING FUCKING THERE. Anger starts to set in like rigor on a dead body. Then it hits me. When I got back to my blanket, those dirty spics were not there. They must have taken it from my cooler bag, seeing me use it throughout the day, and bounced like quick. I was down by the water for 20 minutes min so it's possible. I didn't lose the phone. Checked everywhere. Even the damn sand. I got robbed. I know, I know, I should have left the phone in the car. Well fuck you Coney Island, until you blow up those rent controlled projects that surrond one of America's historically great destinations I will boycott your beach forever!!!! (probably not).

I have enjoyed some nice phone freedom. Not being in constant contact all the damn time is quite 1980 ish and feels good. With that said I'm jonesing for some Blockbreaker.