This post is long and angry. deal.

Look I work on "Wall St." Not actually on wall st but that just means I have a job in the financial industry. I work for an Investment Bank. A really fucking big one that makes over 3 billion dollars a quarter. I am not an Investment Banker. I've been having a real hard time trying to understand why people have this image of people that work on Wall St. as greedy mongrels who destroy "Main St." and the likes of good hard working American people. Like we ain't fucking American. Like I don't pay a SHITLOAD of taxes, taxes that feed poor people and put diapers on lil Russian kids on welfare when they have a mother and father driving around in Mercedes Benz.

What I don't work hard?

I gave out shitty mortgages to shitty people? I stole your granny's 401K? I fired your dad from the factory plant? Obama makes Wall St. out to be enemy #1, knowing full well America relies on our incomes our business and our astronomical company profits. This administration makes me sick and it's mainly because of the attitude it has towards my line of work. It's like he is trying to divide a country? Aren't we all American? Wall St. lost money and jobs, thousand and thousands of jobs. Just like Main St. But because the market corrected itself, because corporations made bad decisions and because Wall St. packaged shitty mortgages TO MAKE MONEY OF THEM they are the enemy.

There are 55,000 people that work in my firm. Probably less than 1% of that number include a wayward employee or a rogue trader who just sees dollar signs and breaks Firm policies to get rich. Usually our regulatory governing bodies, who by the way get elected by the very same politicians who are screaming about how bad we suck, catch those people and make them pay. Sometimes they don't, see Madoff, Bernie. But the majority of that workforce are simply hardworking people just like you. Just like a teller at a bank or a construction worker or a assembly line factory worker or an entrepreneur or a garbage man or a cop or a teacher.

I want to pass along a letter that might be a little over the top but it sums up kind of the way Wall St. is starting to feel like in regards the attitude being cast upon them.

This is why the letter I found below is the most awesome thing I ever read. It's so fucking true. People that complain about the wall streeters, casting this big giant net over everyone who works for a Brokerage Firm or Investment Bank really have no clue:

1) how one operates and
2) how hard we work

They also have no clue what it's be like if we become this sedated, tightly regulated, government controlled afterthought to the Economy. Trust me. It would be a disaster.

This is the most awesome thing I ever read.

"Beware of the Dinosaurs"

We are Wall Street. It's our job to make money. Whether it's a commodity, stock, bond, or some hypothetical piece of fake paper, it doesn't matter. We would trade baseball cards if it were profitable. I didn't hear America complaining when the market was roaring to 14,000 and everyone's 401k doubled every 3 years. Just like gambling, its not a problem until you lose. I've never heard of anyone going to Gamblers Anonymous because they won too much in Vegas.

Well now the market crapped out, & even though it has come back somewhat, the government and the average Joes are still looking for a scapegoat. God knows there has to be one for everything. Well, here we are.

Go ahead and continue to take us down, but you're only going to hurt yourselves. What's going to happen when we can't find jobs on the Street anymore? Guess what: We're going to take yours. We get up at 5am & work till 10pm or later. We're used to not getting up to pee when we have a position. We don't take an hour or more for a lunch break. We don't demand a union. We don't retire at 50 with a pension. We eat what we kill, and when the only thing left to eat is on your dinner plates, we'll eat that.

For years teachers and other unionized labor have had us fooled. We were too busy working to notice. Do you really think that we are incapable of teaching 3rd graders and doing landscaping? We're going to take your cushy jobs with tenure and 4 months off a year and whine just like you that we are so-o-o-o underpaid for building the youth of America. Say goodbye to your overtime and double time and a half. I'll be hitting grounders to the high school baseball team for $5k extra a summer, thank you very much.

So now that we're going to be making $85k a year without upside, Joe Mainstreet is going to have his revenge, right? Wrong! Guess what: we're going to stop buying the new 80k car, we aren't going to leave the 35 percent tip at our business dinners anymore. No more free rides on our backs. We're going to landscape our own back yards, wash our cars with a garden hose in our driveways. Our money was your money. You spent it. When our money dries up, so does yours.

The difference is, you lived off of it, we rejoiced in it. The Obama administration and the Democratic National Committee might get their way and knock us off the top of the pyramid, but it's really going to hurt like hell for them when our fat a**es land directly on the middle class of America and knock them to the bottom.

We aren't dinosaurs. We are smarter and more vicious than that, and we are going to survive. The question is, now that Obama & his administration are making Joe Mainstreet our food supply ... will he? and will they?

CREAM

Is money everything? I would say no. But I never had that much so what do I know. It certaintly makes things easier. I've always said I don't want to be rich but I do want to be comfortable. I like to go out to dinner, I want to vacation every year, I would enjoy not worrying about having enough money in the bank to cover a bill or an emergency.

Money doesn't make an Oreo cookie taste better or make me love my wife anymore than I already do. Money doesn't change how I feel about the president or my state senators. It certaintly wouldnt affect my vote. Money has not once asked me how I felt or rubbed my back. Money doesn't make me laugh nor does it call me daddy.

Money can make me feel secure, house my family and put food on my table. In that case money is everything. But other than that, a big that I know, it's not the end of the world if you don't have much. Sure it would be nice, but so would a river flowing with beer. Or a law that allowed me to punch people in the face without any repercussions.

Comfortability, that's all I ask.

Kindle Smash

Notice how EVERYONE is texting lately. Texting is the way to communicate now. No one picks up the phone anymore. And I mean cellphone. Forget about land lines. Shit I don't even have a land line. It's funny too because you might have a friend or two who if you call them they don't pick up, but when you text them they get back to you immediately. What my voice sounds stupid or something?

The worse is when old people start texting. It's hilarious. My mom texts. One of my Aunt texts. Always funny when I get a text from the elderly community.

It's at a new level with blackberry's. A text from a blackberry (if you are texting someone else with a blackberry) is called a BBM. So it's like an exclusive chat feature or network. Still think Nextel was the shit. Minimum conversation, childhood way of connecting to someone by replicating a walkie talkie, push to talk feature, pinging contacts, etc. I don't have an IPhone and I ain't mad that I don't. Don't know how many of those "apps" I would actually though. I mean there are only 24 hours in a day. What I do know though is that whenever I see someone reading from one of those Kindle devices from Amazon. I wanna slap it out of their hand and stomp on it repeatedly.

I sent this to everyone in the office (hat says dunce)

$4 to get to work
$3.50 to eat breakfast
$7 on lunch

breaking balls in the office in the name of revenge and boredem

PRICELESS.

Pizza

Dear Pizza,

I love your cheese skin. Your crunchy backside. Your undeniable musk. You are simple yet sophisticated. You are the sunshine of my food life. If I had to pick one food to eat for all eternity I would pick you. I hope that makes you feel good about yourself. As if you have a self-confidence issues. You are radiant. Stop it, no you stop it. I can't get enough of you. When done right you can be the perfect food. And thank god I can always get you done right where I live. You sucked in Florida. I don't even care for toppings. I just want you naked. I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! When I bite down, when I fold you over, when I finish you off I'm just so satisfied. You fill my belly with joy and laughter. And everytime I call, you are there.

More Ovaltine please!

I should write something. My phone broke.

Woe.

When I don't have a phone I do alot of thinking. Like yesterday I was thinking I should get my real estate licence for shits and gigs. Then thought about building a go kart (for no reason?).

I always have ideas. What about a 24 hour liquor drive thru store. Wouldnt that be suite? Being able to just drive through and pick up a fifth of Jack Daniels and some Summer Ale. Who wouldnt favor that store over a store in which you have to park, go into store, remove item from shelf, then carry it put to the car. Too much work.

You drive up, you see a menu, you order, you pay, you drive off. Fucking great. and their would be a beer lane just for beer so beer people dont have to held up by some wine snob or a party bus.

I also think about what I would do with the money I'm going to collect when I hit mega millions. I've talked about this before but the dreams change often. Today, if I won I'd build me a trading floor in my house and day trade stocks all day. I'd also want a pet mongoose.

Did you know that you can collect unemployment for like 29 months. What kind of shit is that? I've been working 40 hours since I'm 15 years old (illegal in most states not Florida!). Get off your ass and find a job. Goddamn Obama is driving me crazy.

Subway Shots

Hey sexy! Is that one giant TITTY? Or 3 seperate tits? Please advice.















My life so hard, me so tired. What's up with the Mexican dude smiling like he just got laid?

Half man, half baby giraffe. Fuck my life.

Parents Cliche 101

Did something I thought I'd never do. Used a parenting cliche thought I would never. So my kid loves the park. Duh all kids love the park. Problem with my kid is she NEVER WANTS TO leave and pretty much let's everyone know that she doesnt want to leave. So after a stern negotiation in which she used the "Beggin Hand Gesture", sort of like this, which is ridiculously cute and buys her at least 10 more minutes minimum I finally dragged her out of the park. Again, she's vocal about this, crying and carrying on. So I had enough of the crying and after making it 3 blocks with her crying I couldnt take it anymore and blurted this out:

"You want me to give you something to cry about?"

Wow. Thought I'd never say that shit. That is old school. My mother said it, my father said it. My grandmother said it, my grandfather said it. I heard my cousins parents (aunt & uncles) say it. I've heard my sister say it to her kids (my nieces). I vowed to parent differently. I vowed not to use cliches. All that went out the window the minute I uttered that sentence. I'm a fraud. But you know what? THAT SHIT WORKED.

When I said that to her she whined, "no". And stopped fucking crying. Unreal. Those old fucks know their shit man.

88 degrees

Good weather reminds me of one thing and one thing only. Beer. Nothing better than cracking an ice cold brew on a warm sunny day. Today it's 88 in NYC and that is unusual. I know at some point it will tear down to a cool 60 or something like that. But I don't care. One of these days in April is better than none of these days period. I just want to remove my pants and drink beer without being judged. Pants are so, what's the word.......Unecessary. You know how many times I dream about walking around with no pants on? Heaven has to be like this.

Christ has risen

Happy Easter Weekend my brothers and sisters. Got a suite menu on the food blog for those interested. Also my mother is coming into town. Most importantly it seems as if the Spring weather is upon us and that. That is cool. I love Nerd Jelly Beans. And hollow chocolate bunnies. And Snicker Eggs. And Cadbury Eggs. And Marshmellow Eggs. And Sweettart Gummy Bunnies. And M&M's with the pastel colors even though they are just regular M&M's. I feel bad for lambs. They are little and suite. But when cooked right are delectable. Here comes Peter Cottontail. How come Santa is alot bigger than the Easter Bunny? The weather is better. Jesus birth vs. Jesus Resurrection. Who ya got!

Enjoy.

Red Tab

I wear Levis. They are my choice of denim. Lately I noticed that Levis are making a comeback in the fashion world. I used to be able to pick up a pair at like $40 now places want $158?

No esta english.
One hundred and fifty eight dollars!

Get out. Get the fuck out.

I never understood the balls on people to charge more than $60 for a pair of jeans. And $60, is high ok. I would wrestle an octopuss at a sale rack at the GAP for $20 jeans in my size. I would never pay more than $40, like I said, for any jean. Se7en jeans, which for ladies is different, cost like $180. That could feed 8 kids in Mumbai, India. Anyway I like Levis. They are comfrotable, not white trash, long in the crotch area, seamed perfectly and they used to cost a reasonable dollar amount. Glad I don't need any jeans for awhile.

almonds

Did I post pictures from Jamaica? I went in October, thought I did. Anyway I wanted post soemthing to alleviate the stress the previous post has caused people. This is me and Wolf attempting to crack open an almond. See almonds, unbeknownest to me, have a hard shell fruit over it's exterior shell. Right so it's a shell, fruit, shell, nut. Quite fascinating. The fruit gets destroyed most of the time when these get prcessed but it taste like a sour canape. Which is like a spanish grape. Good times.

things that really twist my sack #63

Shit like this really pisses me off. Why do I have to have a fucking powdered donut hangin from my eyelid? The fuck is it anyway. A stye? Cmon man, doctor at work thought it was pink eye and now this shit. Styes and shit really twist my sack.

The El Pack

I'm working on a cocktail of vitamins that I will market soon. Called the El Pack. This much is true. It will contain:

Vitamin C, 1000 MG (no Rose hips)
L-Lysine, 1000 MG (in two doses of 500MG, Amino Acid)
Vitamin D, 200 MG
Milk Thistle, 100MG (only if you are an occastional drinker like me)
Flax Seed, 100 MG
Vitamin A in the form of Beta Carotene, 50 MG

You take this cocktail daily along with eating a pretty normal diet and you'll live a healthy long life or your money back!

NJ's only redeeming quality

You know, there are fewer things I love in life than sitting at a poker table in Atlantic City, NJ winning cold hard cash. The gambling gods smiled down upon the during this trip. I came home with a clean $900. Most of my winnings came at the Bonus Texas Hold Em table. $10 minimum is not so bad it ends up costing $30 just to see the flop. Extra if you play the bonus which you should because that is where you win the real scratch. I hit pocket rockets once (Aces) which pays 30-1, and I was putting $10 on the bonus each hand. Hit Kings twice, (10-1), A-K suited, (25-1), A-J unsuited (5-1) and alot of low pocket pairs, (3-1). Plus I was betting my hands cleverly and not wasting bets by chasing straights or flushes.

Three card poker was another great success. It's a simple game, around the way it's called "Balls". We would play it all night exchanging money back and forth for hours. Basically, you get three cards and if you beat the dealer you win. However there is a decision to make, you can't just go in with 2, 7, J unless they are suited. That would be a flush and would pay 3-1 plus if you beat the dealer. The dealer qualifies with a Q high which is good. It's low enough to be crap a good amount of time. The basic principle of the game is poker just with 3 cards instead of 5. Bonus payout are the best, straights pay 6-1, straight flushes 50-1, trips, 30-1 and the mini royal (AKQ suited) pays 100-1. At $15 minims that's alot of oreos.

I lost about $300 in 20 minutes in Caesers three card and was tight. I saw my wife walking around and she had just loss about $100 on the slots. So I wanted to leave, I had like $30 on me and she proposed we play roulette. You all know how roulette works so we play and the 2nd spin I hit a number for $2 which = $72. Nice. Then I hit again, and again, and again. All in all I walked away with $250 I was back! I love gambling. That's when I took that $250 and went to the Tropicana and busted that Texas Hold Em game up in it's ass. Good times.

By the way the Borgata, holy shit, is fucking nice. Reminds me of a Vegas style hotel. Flashy, contemporary, shiny and loaded with great places to eat and party. If they comp me, which I expect, I will have to take the lady there just us. It's a sexy place.

Clover used to explain the Holy Trinity

St. Patricks Day. Everyone is Irish today even if your not. My grandmother was part Irish, her last name was Brannigan. Most of my cousins are Irish, my aunts parents were Irish. Corned beef dinner at their house tonight. With some soda bread, cabbage and beer. It's a suite meal.

Somewhere a firefighter or two is drunk right now. I stay away from the bar scene on a day like today because of all the amateurs that crowd them. It's like people forget how to drink on days like today. Not to mention the cult like following of firefighters from a pack of floozy horny messes.

Some Irish beers I've enjoyed in the past and will enjoy in the future are:

Harp Lager
Guinness, which by the way is treated with dried fish air bladders
Smithwicks Irish Red Ale

Operation sculpted abs

I'm gonna get my six-pack back. It's the 2010 Six-Pack challenge. El Pad style. My plan is to be rocking, rock hard abs again. Preferably by the summer. Here's how.

Phase One

Eating better. I've always been a pretty good eater. See my appetite has always been the same. Big. I could throw down some food. My metabolism was super fast though. Over the past couple of years that puppy has slowed a bit. Causing my ginourmous food portions to hang on to my body. So Phase One begins with eating less. If I eat less my metabolism will probably work quicker or at the least have a lighter load to churn through.

Drinking less too. It was farily common for me to throw down some dinner, a snack or two and 4 or 5 beers on a Tuesday night. Can't do that if I want a six pack.

Phase Two

Excercise but old school. Push ups, situps, core ab excercises I can do at home. I'm not going to the gym. Got suckered into that 3 or 4 times and always ended up just donating money. See I don't want to lift weights. I just want definition. Think ninja. Not bodybuilder.

Phase Three

Adopt the lifestyle in Phase One and Two. Moderation.

Catching up

Been busy lately, got promoted and they said they would delegate more work to me. They were not lying.

What the fuck with the 3d shit? Wasn't this like 20 years ago. Why do I have to wear these glasses? If they shoot in 3D the glasses should be extinct. I'm not a nerd. But this has gone too far. I refuse to wear silly looking glasses.

Offal. Look it up.

When I was selling pot way back when my distributor, sort of speak, was a big fat white dude with a great beard. He owned a likka* sto* and reminded me of that likka sto worker character in the movie "Superbad". The one who had to mop up the mess. His name was Carl. Carl, if your still alive. You rocked bro. You rocked.

Asparagus makes everyones pee smell funny except mine. I want my pee to smell funny too.

Anyone have a sibling? Aren't they so fucking annoying.

I should be eating way more ice cream than I do. I mean I never fucking eat it. Why? I don't understand. It's so good.

Does anyone have a problem with guys who growing up had a name like JJ or JP or DJ yet they still answer and respond to that name. Like use your given name man. Your 36 years old now. JP doesnt fly anymore. Unless your name is fucked up like Jumbo or something. Then slap your mom.

Baseball. Real soon.

Things that really twist my sack #45

Toaster Ovens. On the surface toaster ovens seem like a tremendous idea. And they are. But over saturation of the product has turned this little genius ideas into lil hot boxes of hate. I hate them. They suck. They incinerate everything within 10 minutes, there is no in between. The dials are not precise. The crumbs, if not cleared out every day, burn and smell and need to be cleaned. The tray it comes with does the same thing except worse. It stains, burns, needs washing, etc. This fucking toaster oven is like a goddamn baby. I wouldn't be surprised if it asked me for milk one day. Black and Decker is the manufacter but it's not there fault. They make a fine cordless screwdriver so I can't hate on them. And I've had other toaster ovens. They are all the same. The prior one I had I was trying to broil some cheese on a pizza and the glass door exploded. No lie. Shit exploded. Fucking toaster ovens are on the list of things that really twist my sack.

Aquarium pics

Sea life is cool. Agree?