Cell Phone Robbery

So I was at the beach on Saturday chillin' with my lil homegirl and before I got to the beach I had a phone. However when I left I no longer had a phone. You see while alot has been done to clean up the Coney Island beaches officials forgot to get rid of all the lowlifes that populate the area. This can simply be done with a "daisy cutter" bomb. Rebuild the area and an influx of solid character people will come. I was sitting around a group of young spanish (spics) teenagers and you know they were rambuctions and whatnot. Not one of them were over 120 lbs. and none of them would physically strike fear into anyone alive. They were harmless is what I'm trying to say. Harmless little spanish flies. So I stored my phone on the front cooler bag pocket and throughout the day used it for a number of reasons, once to take a picture of a large woman wearing a not so large bathing suit for scientific reasons, and a couple of times to call my wife. Each time I put it back in the cooler bag. We went back and forth to the water because my daughter fucking loves it and each time we'd come back and nothing would be missing. So during the last trip to the water (we were there for about 20 min) I came back to my stuff and started packing up to leave. Not even noticing that the kids that were around me were gone. So as I start packing up I get to the boardwalk and check for my phone. Not there. Check again. Not there again. Check one more time. Not there. Retrace my steps from blanket to beach thinking phone fell out somehow (keep in mind I'm lugging around 30 lbs. of shit and a tired toddler). NOTHING FUCKING THERE. Anger starts to set in like rigor on a dead body. Then it hits me. When I got back to my blanket, those dirty spics were not there. They must have taken it from my cooler bag, seeing me use it throughout the day, and bounced like quick. I was down by the water for 20 minutes min so it's possible. I didn't lose the phone. Checked everywhere. Even the damn sand. I got robbed. I know, I know, I should have left the phone in the car. Well fuck you Coney Island, until you blow up those rent controlled projects that surrond one of America's historically great destinations I will boycott your beach forever!!!! (probably not).

I have enjoyed some nice phone freedom. Not being in constant contact all the damn time is quite 1980 ish and feels good. With that said I'm jonesing for some Blockbreaker.

gehtto lunch

Macaroni and butter. Tomato sandwich. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? Ramen noodles with leftover chicken cutlets? Cucumber in pita bread? Syrup sandwich? Jiffy corn muffins? Buttered Matzoh with honey? Classic PB & J? Rice and beans? Boiled potato smashed with butter or with tomatoes. Grilled cheese. Fried baanana (tostone or amarillo).

What was your favorite ghetto ass lunch mom used to hook you up with in the summer?

I ate all of the above growing up. And looking back, knowing what it's like to struggle a bit financially I can see why I was fed like a war torn Irish immigrant. Put I also appreciate what my parents did and don't tell anyone this but I crave some of that poor food today.

Nevermind

You ever see a couple who look like each other? Doesn't that freak you out a bit. Then you start wondering like maybe they were born to only child parents and the parents died in a dramatic fashion like a fiery hotel explosion or they got jackknifed by a semi. And since the parents are dead, the grandparents happened to be dead too so they figured maybe as brother and sister they would date because they were attracted to each other and were already best friends. Is it true if you fuck your sister you get retarded kids? I don't know. I don't want to google that. Nor do I want to fuck my sister. Obviously I think that's nasty but when I see a couple that look like brother and sister I wonder. Don't you wonder?

You don't?

Me neither. Nevermind.

Celebrate the Seasons with me

One of the things I enjoy the most about living in the Northeast region of the country, besides of course getting pounded with "Nor'Easters", is the changing of the seasons. I love the weather in between, right on the verge of each season and the changes that you can see and feel. My favorite season is fall. Not only because of the weather but because of football and chillis and stews and foilage. The thing that I do to celebrate the changes of seasons is drink beer. But not your average everyday beer. Seasonal beer. Let me run through my favorites.

Summer, Summer Ale (available May to July)
Since yesterday was the first day of Summer, officially, let me share with you my favorite Summer Ale. Many breweries make them and I've tried a whole bunch of them but nothing taste as good or better than Honey Moon Ale. Made by the good folks at Blue Moon Brewing Company. It's dry but has a sweet finish. It's brewed in small batches and has a golden color. Hints of clover honey and orange peel (a Blue Moon specialty). It's better than the Summer Ale by Samuel Adams. In fact all of Blue Moon's seasonal beers are excellent but the Summer Ale, the Honey Moon Ale is the best and my favorite. One more sidenote to consider, it's 5.6% ABV. Which means you'll get drunk.

Fall, Oktoberfest
Pardon me but I have choose two here. Could really pick 5 at the least because alot of breweries make a strong Oktoberfest. The two that stand out to me are Spaten and Becks believe it or not. I know Becks is a German brand but they are kind of Americanized. They make an excellent Oktoberfest. Trust me. Spaten pretty much created Oktoberfest beer and going with the company that resides in Munich and actually serves millions of liters to the Germans during the actual Oktoberfest celebration is a a no-brainer. It's a medium bodied beer with bite and tickles the throat (TWSS) with a slight sweetness beer drinkers enjoy. It's 5.9% ABV, another strong outing. Shout out to Brooklyn Brewery Pumpkin Ale, strong third place even though it's not an Oktoberfest it will rock your balls in the fall.

Winter, Winter Lager
Sam Admas makes the best Winter Lager. It's just delicious. It actually warms you up. You taste every note from the moment it touches your palate to the last swallow. First the color. Deep ruby brownish sort of color, then the smell. Cinnamon, ginger and a hint of citrus. Just makes me feel alive when the weather is dreadful. It's also 5.6% ABV.

Spring, Early Spring Brew
Sierra Nevada makes an Early Spring Brew that is fantastic. It's a bit bitter but balanced well. It's a bit woodsy and left unfiltered by the brewing company. Which leaves behing a reddish copper tone color beer. It's a west-coast twist on an old English classic brew. Bock style beer and Heifeweizen style beer are also considered Spring beers. Bock's are usually very strong, agressive beers where as Heifeweizen type brews are more malty/wheaty. Shiner makes great Bock style beers. Alot of breweries make a good Heifeweizen including Blue Moon, Sierra Nevada, Shiner, Widmer, Sam Admas, Porter, Paulaner, etc. Lots of good choices.

I raise my glass to the seasons and to you. Cheers.

One steak please extra antibiotics.

I'm finally starting to look into this "Organic" food era we are in now. Yuppies have been riding this horse for quite sometime now and it looks like it isn't going away. Also the Food Network, Top Chef and all these cooking shows/programming have been shoving this shit down our throats. Problem I've had with it has been two fold. One, the price. Shit is like double of what I'd normally pay for just about anything that says "Organic". Two, not sure it makes that much of a difference.

No I don't like eating stuff with pesticides on it and yes I'd prefer my meat to not be raised on drugs or what have you. But my parents and my grandparents ate nothing organic for the most part. Granted they are dead (cept for Mom) but certaintly not from eating Waldbaums brand chicken breasts. Point is, what's the major differences, truthfully. I intend to get to the bottom of that. Will clue you in once I do.

Oh forgot one thing. Fuck PETA.

UPDATE, READ ME

I got a food blog, I contribute to two sports blogs, I have a music and movie blog, and I have my own blog. And I have a Twitter and was thinking about joining that TUMBLR thing and creating a financial blog. But that seems like overkill. So I'll just use this main blog more often for things like movies and music, financial items that catch my eye, general news and not do the TUMBLR thing. So in the end you win. You get more content at one spot. Congrats.

I'm still keeping my food blog because I have some fun with it and think it could be a serious future endeavor. If you haven't checked it out go here for recipes, pics and general food news.

Of course to the right I link the two sports blog I contribute to. LOV, not sure if you know or care, started when an intern for Bill Simmons started his own sports blog and got all uppity when the comment section became a chat room. He was a GRADE A doucher so the commenters created their own blog, Lordz of Vengeance, and it's more than just sports at this point. It's a nice way to pass time and the comment section is unruly at times. The other blog is a New York Mets Blog, it's called The Daily Stache , named after it's father Keith Hernandez. It's a feature piece blog that soley focuses on the Metropolitans and everything related to them. I do a feature piece about once a week give or take.

So now that you know I'm all over the interwebs I will send you back to your regular scheduled program of your job sucking your ass out and spitting in your mouth. Cuz I know it sucks. Don't lie.

No title

Why can't Chinese people drive?

Why does the McDonalds people always have to ask me if I want to try their new "shitty coffee drink of the month" every fucking time?

Why is country music and soccer so popular but no one I know (outside of World Cup) gives a shit about either?

If I took a shit in a tupperware and froze it, then retrived it once frozen and chucked it threw someones window that i hated would that be awesome?

Is the grass really greener? Or is it a dying brown color?

If you don't worry about stuff you can't control who will? The people who control it? Think about it.

It's true, kids do really say the darnedst things.

Like way too often.

For all of my uncircumsized brother,


your on your own you freaks.

Television Set

Think of how much cable changed the game of TV. Remember when TV was a treat. Like you had your shows lined up for the week and they were all special. Your mom would make sure you were fed, bathed and in bed by 10pm to make sure she didn't miss Knots Landing or Dallas.

I'll give you a list of shows I remember watching as a kid/teenager.

Cosby Show, The Wonder Years, Doogie Howser, The Simpsons, Saved By The Bell, Full House, Family Matters, Cheers, Who's The Boss, Night Court, 227, Growing Pains, MacGyver, Mr. Belveder, Charles in Charge, Small Wonder, Matlock, Perfect Strangers, A Different World, Married...With Children, Murphy Brown, Roseanne, Webster, Different Strokes, Three's Company, In Living Color, Wings, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Beverly Hills 90210, Step-By-Step, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Hangin With Mr. Cooper, Living Single, Boy Meets World, Frasier, NYPD Blue, Law and Order. (I'm sure I'm missing some).

That's about it as Cable started to draw in my genre. MTV debuted The Real World in 1992 and that slowly changed the game, rapidly changed by the new millennium. If you were middle class and your parents allowed it, you had cable. And you pretty much stopped watching network TV. Despite there being a ton of good stuff on network TV over the course of the years I rarely watch it. Sports has alot too do with that but even if I'm not watching a game I can't remember the last time I recorded a show on network TV to watch later. And please I know the Office and 30 Rock and (insert name of good tv show here) are on network TV and solid shows but cable has better programming. I hate when people say there is nothing on. Bullshit. There is always something good on to watch. ALWAYS. If all else fails you can always watch a lion rip the throat out of a zebra.

stupid hats

Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali ALEJANDRO ALI ALI ALI ALIJANDRO

What the fuck kind of song is that? This Lady Gaga phenomenon has gone on long enough! Stop it! Wacky bitch.

Dream on

I haven't had shit to talk about lately. But summer is here. BBQ's, block parties, beachgoing, weekend trips and boiled crabs. I'm setting forth some professional goals that I am most surely will either not attain or forget about by the end of the summer. That's just how it is. I refuse to take a multi-vitamin. They smell. Gynocologist rooms are intimidating. And there is no distinct smell. Being pregnant 40 weeks must suck something fierce. I think it's dumb. Thanks alot Jehovah. This fucking oil spill, why doesn't the government force BP to hire a company that can help them or better yet what is NASA doing. Can't they come up with an idea to stop the oil from gushing millions of gallons of water into the ocean? WHAT THE FUCK. Lick my balls BP. Every inch of them and it's gonna take you awhile. London faggots. I want to buy a food truck. And then parlay that into a restaurant. I got big dreams. Water makes you pee. Not seeing the importance of drinking it.

I did it again

Whoops. My wife pulled the goalie.

summertime

Yeah so it's been awhile. Get off my back I've been busy at work. I'm like the guy at the circus who follows around the elephant with the giant broom and dustpan lately. Boo hoo cry me a river right, yeah I know. Anyway Memorial Day Weekend is upon us and every year I've probably written something like enjoy the weekend the summer is upon us and all that. So do that. Baseball and beer. That's what the summer is about. And panties.

Is it me or does Summer make you horny. I just wanna fuck in the summer. Maybe it's the ice pops or the sweaty bedrooms that gets me all worked up. Or the ice cream. Or just the fact that less clothes are needed. I'm sure I'm not alone. My earliest memories of the summer are getting my head shaved and hitting up the pizzeria on Coney Island Ave and playing Street Fighter II for hours. Or riding the GT Dyno I had to the schoolyard to play ball all day. then come home, shower, and go hang out with some lady friends on Kings Highway. Or on someones stoop (brooklyn slang stoop is the area in front of someones house, like the steps). Maybe one of those nights you take your girl for a walk and start kissing her with your tongue. Maybe feel a titty if your lucky. Or if the stars were really ripe you got to stick your finger in her vagina and wiggle it around. Those were the days. Then because you were the pimp of the group, once you went back to your boys you stick that finger in their nose. And said "THIS, my friends, is what the nectar smells like. You faggots will never know!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!".

Summertime.

DVR ON THE RADIO

Shouldn't car radios or any radio for that matter have the technology to record music for you? Let's say you happen to hear a song on the radio that you like but when you try to download it you forget, wouldn't it be convienient for you to just hit record on the radio? Then copy that memory to a CD or maybe they would use some sort of memory stick. This might even exist and I don't know it but I thought about it the other day.

Another solid invention, if I weren't so lazy I'd be a millionaire.

This post is long and angry. deal.

Look I work on "Wall St." Not actually on wall st but that just means I have a job in the financial industry. I work for an Investment Bank. A really fucking big one that makes over 3 billion dollars a quarter. I am not an Investment Banker. I've been having a real hard time trying to understand why people have this image of people that work on Wall St. as greedy mongrels who destroy "Main St." and the likes of good hard working American people. Like we ain't fucking American. Like I don't pay a SHITLOAD of taxes, taxes that feed poor people and put diapers on lil Russian kids on welfare when they have a mother and father driving around in Mercedes Benz.

What I don't work hard?

I gave out shitty mortgages to shitty people? I stole your granny's 401K? I fired your dad from the factory plant? Obama makes Wall St. out to be enemy #1, knowing full well America relies on our incomes our business and our astronomical company profits. This administration makes me sick and it's mainly because of the attitude it has towards my line of work. It's like he is trying to divide a country? Aren't we all American? Wall St. lost money and jobs, thousand and thousands of jobs. Just like Main St. But because the market corrected itself, because corporations made bad decisions and because Wall St. packaged shitty mortgages TO MAKE MONEY OF THEM they are the enemy.

There are 55,000 people that work in my firm. Probably less than 1% of that number include a wayward employee or a rogue trader who just sees dollar signs and breaks Firm policies to get rich. Usually our regulatory governing bodies, who by the way get elected by the very same politicians who are screaming about how bad we suck, catch those people and make them pay. Sometimes they don't, see Madoff, Bernie. But the majority of that workforce are simply hardworking people just like you. Just like a teller at a bank or a construction worker or a assembly line factory worker or an entrepreneur or a garbage man or a cop or a teacher.

I want to pass along a letter that might be a little over the top but it sums up kind of the way Wall St. is starting to feel like in regards the attitude being cast upon them.

This is why the letter I found below is the most awesome thing I ever read. It's so fucking true. People that complain about the wall streeters, casting this big giant net over everyone who works for a Brokerage Firm or Investment Bank really have no clue:

1) how one operates and
2) how hard we work

They also have no clue what it's be like if we become this sedated, tightly regulated, government controlled afterthought to the Economy. Trust me. It would be a disaster.

This is the most awesome thing I ever read.

"Beware of the Dinosaurs"

We are Wall Street. It's our job to make money. Whether it's a commodity, stock, bond, or some hypothetical piece of fake paper, it doesn't matter. We would trade baseball cards if it were profitable. I didn't hear America complaining when the market was roaring to 14,000 and everyone's 401k doubled every 3 years. Just like gambling, its not a problem until you lose. I've never heard of anyone going to Gamblers Anonymous because they won too much in Vegas.

Well now the market crapped out, & even though it has come back somewhat, the government and the average Joes are still looking for a scapegoat. God knows there has to be one for everything. Well, here we are.

Go ahead and continue to take us down, but you're only going to hurt yourselves. What's going to happen when we can't find jobs on the Street anymore? Guess what: We're going to take yours. We get up at 5am & work till 10pm or later. We're used to not getting up to pee when we have a position. We don't take an hour or more for a lunch break. We don't demand a union. We don't retire at 50 with a pension. We eat what we kill, and when the only thing left to eat is on your dinner plates, we'll eat that.

For years teachers and other unionized labor have had us fooled. We were too busy working to notice. Do you really think that we are incapable of teaching 3rd graders and doing landscaping? We're going to take your cushy jobs with tenure and 4 months off a year and whine just like you that we are so-o-o-o underpaid for building the youth of America. Say goodbye to your overtime and double time and a half. I'll be hitting grounders to the high school baseball team for $5k extra a summer, thank you very much.

So now that we're going to be making $85k a year without upside, Joe Mainstreet is going to have his revenge, right? Wrong! Guess what: we're going to stop buying the new 80k car, we aren't going to leave the 35 percent tip at our business dinners anymore. No more free rides on our backs. We're going to landscape our own back yards, wash our cars with a garden hose in our driveways. Our money was your money. You spent it. When our money dries up, so does yours.

The difference is, you lived off of it, we rejoiced in it. The Obama administration and the Democratic National Committee might get their way and knock us off the top of the pyramid, but it's really going to hurt like hell for them when our fat a**es land directly on the middle class of America and knock them to the bottom.

We aren't dinosaurs. We are smarter and more vicious than that, and we are going to survive. The question is, now that Obama & his administration are making Joe Mainstreet our food supply ... will he? and will they?

CREAM

Is money everything? I would say no. But I never had that much so what do I know. It certaintly makes things easier. I've always said I don't want to be rich but I do want to be comfortable. I like to go out to dinner, I want to vacation every year, I would enjoy not worrying about having enough money in the bank to cover a bill or an emergency.

Money doesn't make an Oreo cookie taste better or make me love my wife anymore than I already do. Money doesn't change how I feel about the president or my state senators. It certaintly wouldnt affect my vote. Money has not once asked me how I felt or rubbed my back. Money doesn't make me laugh nor does it call me daddy.

Money can make me feel secure, house my family and put food on my table. In that case money is everything. But other than that, a big that I know, it's not the end of the world if you don't have much. Sure it would be nice, but so would a river flowing with beer. Or a law that allowed me to punch people in the face without any repercussions.

Comfortability, that's all I ask.

Kindle Smash

Notice how EVERYONE is texting lately. Texting is the way to communicate now. No one picks up the phone anymore. And I mean cellphone. Forget about land lines. Shit I don't even have a land line. It's funny too because you might have a friend or two who if you call them they don't pick up, but when you text them they get back to you immediately. What my voice sounds stupid or something?

The worse is when old people start texting. It's hilarious. My mom texts. One of my Aunt texts. Always funny when I get a text from the elderly community.

It's at a new level with blackberry's. A text from a blackberry (if you are texting someone else with a blackberry) is called a BBM. So it's like an exclusive chat feature or network. Still think Nextel was the shit. Minimum conversation, childhood way of connecting to someone by replicating a walkie talkie, push to talk feature, pinging contacts, etc. I don't have an IPhone and I ain't mad that I don't. Don't know how many of those "apps" I would actually though. I mean there are only 24 hours in a day. What I do know though is that whenever I see someone reading from one of those Kindle devices from Amazon. I wanna slap it out of their hand and stomp on it repeatedly.

I sent this to everyone in the office (hat says dunce)

$4 to get to work
$3.50 to eat breakfast
$7 on lunch

breaking balls in the office in the name of revenge and boredem

PRICELESS.

Pizza

Dear Pizza,

I love your cheese skin. Your crunchy backside. Your undeniable musk. You are simple yet sophisticated. You are the sunshine of my food life. If I had to pick one food to eat for all eternity I would pick you. I hope that makes you feel good about yourself. As if you have a self-confidence issues. You are radiant. Stop it, no you stop it. I can't get enough of you. When done right you can be the perfect food. And thank god I can always get you done right where I live. You sucked in Florida. I don't even care for toppings. I just want you naked. I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! When I bite down, when I fold you over, when I finish you off I'm just so satisfied. You fill my belly with joy and laughter. And everytime I call, you are there.

More Ovaltine please!

I should write something. My phone broke.

Woe.

When I don't have a phone I do alot of thinking. Like yesterday I was thinking I should get my real estate licence for shits and gigs. Then thought about building a go kart (for no reason?).

I always have ideas. What about a 24 hour liquor drive thru store. Wouldnt that be suite? Being able to just drive through and pick up a fifth of Jack Daniels and some Summer Ale. Who wouldnt favor that store over a store in which you have to park, go into store, remove item from shelf, then carry it put to the car. Too much work.

You drive up, you see a menu, you order, you pay, you drive off. Fucking great. and their would be a beer lane just for beer so beer people dont have to held up by some wine snob or a party bus.

I also think about what I would do with the money I'm going to collect when I hit mega millions. I've talked about this before but the dreams change often. Today, if I won I'd build me a trading floor in my house and day trade stocks all day. I'd also want a pet mongoose.

Did you know that you can collect unemployment for like 29 months. What kind of shit is that? I've been working 40 hours since I'm 15 years old (illegal in most states not Florida!). Get off your ass and find a job. Goddamn Obama is driving me crazy.

Subway Shots

Hey sexy! Is that one giant TITTY? Or 3 seperate tits? Please advice.















My life so hard, me so tired. What's up with the Mexican dude smiling like he just got laid?

Half man, half baby giraffe. Fuck my life.