Don't know what it is, specifically, that attracts me to baseball but it sucks me everytime. Can't fucking wait for some Met baseball. Good bad or ugly I want it. By the 1:43 mark I had full wood. Let's go Mets!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Recover
Takes a little longer to recover from these weekend getaways. We did a mountain trip this past weekend without the kid and I pretty much shaved 2 years off my life with wreckless behavior. It was a good time. Snow tubing is fun but could be funner (or more fun). I propose a small ramp or a lenghtier drop, sort of like a waterslide ride. I want to shit my pants if possible. Anything less is boring. Grape Vodka isn't so bad. You know what's a great idea? Putting your hand in the oven to eat a cookie that isn't done yet. Awesome. For some reason I am burping up just about everything I consummed this past weekend. It's like my stomach is a NTSB investigator combing through the wreckage like a plane crash. If only I had a black box to capture the last moments:
mmmm Jameson, is she looking? MMMMMM that was good, one more, one more!!!!
::gargling noise:: crash, explosion ::people screaming::
If my liver was a dog he'd be doing that sideways head thing. The confused puppy routine. Then would probably shit on my rug. Did you know that when your drunk catching a dart in your back is not painful?
mmmm Jameson, is she looking? MMMMMM that was good, one more, one more!!!!
::gargling noise:: crash, explosion ::people screaming::
If my liver was a dog he'd be doing that sideways head thing. The confused puppy routine. Then would probably shit on my rug. Did you know that when your drunk catching a dart in your back is not painful?
Friday, February 19, 2010
My head
These are the things I think about....way too often. Help.
When I'm 60 will Step Brothers or Wedding Crashers still make me laugh? I think the answer is yes.
Would you eat shit for 1 million dollars? I think you know my answer.
Why do we have hair on our ass? More specifically why do we have hair near or around our asshole? So inconvienent.
When I'm 60 will Step Brothers or Wedding Crashers still make me laugh? I think the answer is yes.
Would you eat shit for 1 million dollars? I think you know my answer.
Why do we have hair on our ass? More specifically why do we have hair near or around our asshole? So inconvienent.
Did you know that womens tits are also uneven like our nuts? Truth. Nothing is symmetrical. Hope this doesn't effect you in any way.
How would I ever know if someone spit on my food? Or dropped my shit before serving it. I'll never know. Makes me angry.
When I was little I don't ever remember being told to drink more water. I wonder why. Like why is it so important now but wasn't then. Are we smarter or dumber?
If this were 1620 what would you be? A blacksmith? A cook? A knight? A pirate? A dressmaker? A farmer? A cavalier?
What's gonna happen when Hugh Hefner dies? Will the Playboy mansion still be open? I'm frightened.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Change the picture
You know what I was thinking about the other day? You know how sometimes your watching the news or reading a article online about a murder or someone went missing, etc. And they show the picture of the victim. And the picture is terrible. And maybe you laugh because the picture is that awfuil. Well. If this were to happen to me I'd be pissed. Even if I was dead. Just pissed off. So I've taken the time to pick out some pictures of myself and set them aside, each labeled so authorities know which one to use in case something newsworthy happens. I hope you do the same cuz I'll laugh at you and your silly picture from 1996 when orange ribboned gentleman hats were in style.
Example. This guy was stabbed and killed Sunday night in Brooklyn. Not a good look here. Quite embarrassing I'd say. I won't end up like this.
Example. This guy was stabbed and killed Sunday night in Brooklyn. Not a good look here. Quite embarrassing I'd say. I won't end up like this.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Oral Copulation By Force
So it snowed. And I didn't die.
You ever fart in the shower? It sounds awful right. Like shit came out but obviously didn't. Because it was a fart. I didn't ask if you ever shit in the shower. And shame on you if you did. Slobs.
I feel like I'm always hungry. That mean I'm getting fat?
My favorite non-alcoh0lic drink is iced tea.
My favorite non-alcoh0lic drink is iced tea.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Watch out. It's gonna snow.
So apparentaly we are getting snow. I know this because the media is acting like we are under attack by gargantuan gargoyles from the 12th Century. I like snow. Digging out can be a pain in the ass, sure. But so is wiping your ass. I like to take shits. Most of the time it feels good. I don't however enjoy wiping my ass. If that makes sense.
SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to plan a massive snowball fight in Prospect Park. I recall someone doing something similiar a couple of years back and I regret not partaking. In that case they were strangers though. I want to throw snow in the general direction of people I know. Like you dont go paintballing if you don't have a crew so that you can shoot the shit out of each other. That makes alot more sense than the shit/snow comparasion.
SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to plan a massive snowball fight in Prospect Park. I recall someone doing something similiar a couple of years back and I regret not partaking. In that case they were strangers though. I want to throw snow in the general direction of people I know. Like you dont go paintballing if you don't have a crew so that you can shoot the shit out of each other. That makes alot more sense than the shit/snow comparasion.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Super Bowl Sunday
Super Bowl Sunday is here!!!!
Head over to LOV for my Super Bowl picks including many prop bets. Big weekend. Making a batch of wings of course for the Super Bowl party at my uncles house. He'll be whipping up his usual, a damn good chilli. As usual I'll be bored with the halftime show, the fucking Who. Who cares. Janet Jackson's titty ruined everything. Maybe Kim Khardashian will fall out of her top while rooting for Reggie Bush. Or maybe while singing the national anthem Carrie Underwood has a "waldrobe malfunction". I mean let's be real the only thing missing from Super Bowl Sunday is tits.
Beer, check.
Food, check.
Football, check.
Tits, ????????
The ball is in your court girls. Make it hot.
Head over to LOV for my Super Bowl picks including many prop bets. Big weekend. Making a batch of wings of course for the Super Bowl party at my uncles house. He'll be whipping up his usual, a damn good chilli. As usual I'll be bored with the halftime show, the fucking Who. Who cares. Janet Jackson's titty ruined everything. Maybe Kim Khardashian will fall out of her top while rooting for Reggie Bush. Or maybe while singing the national anthem Carrie Underwood has a "waldrobe malfunction". I mean let's be real the only thing missing from Super Bowl Sunday is tits.
Beer, check.
Food, check.
Football, check.
Tits, ????????
The ball is in your court girls. Make it hot.
Monday, February 01, 2010
Stick it where the sun don't shine
Do you hate it too when people talk in cliche's? I fucking hate that. My list of the worse.
Ahcilles heel : Why don't you just say it's my weakness. "Oh chocolate is my achilles heel". Ok fatty.
Action speaks louder than words : Not unless those words are pronounced through a microphone jackass. Also what if the action was silent action. Like if I had a gun and I used a silencer to shoot you wouldn't that be quieter than me saying I'm going to shoot you? Plus you'd still be alive so that's good.
Grass is always greener : The fuck. Fuck grass. We don't even have grass in Brooklyn.
Grin and bear it : Deal with it. Much better. Swallow your pride. Also better.
Bear down : What's with all these bears and what's wrong with simply saying focus. Really? We need a cliche for one word verbs?
Pass the buck : I know what it means but why would someone pass along money? They should change it to pass the beef, at least beef can mean a problem.
Make heads or tails of it : Just stop it and say you don't know. Dickhead.
Sick as a dog : Is there a scientific fact that says dogs get sick? I had a dog and I don't recall him ever being sick. Like with a cold.
Ahcilles heel : Why don't you just say it's my weakness. "Oh chocolate is my achilles heel". Ok fatty.
Action speaks louder than words : Not unless those words are pronounced through a microphone jackass. Also what if the action was silent action. Like if I had a gun and I used a silencer to shoot you wouldn't that be quieter than me saying I'm going to shoot you? Plus you'd still be alive so that's good.
Grass is always greener : The fuck. Fuck grass. We don't even have grass in Brooklyn.
Grin and bear it : Deal with it. Much better. Swallow your pride. Also better.
Bear down : What's with all these bears and what's wrong with simply saying focus. Really? We need a cliche for one word verbs?
Pass the buck : I know what it means but why would someone pass along money? They should change it to pass the beef, at least beef can mean a problem.
Make heads or tails of it : Just stop it and say you don't know. Dickhead.
Sick as a dog : Is there a scientific fact that says dogs get sick? I had a dog and I don't recall him ever being sick. Like with a cold.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Stand up on those 100 pound drumsticks
I know you guys have heard this schtick before but due to the events that occured this morning you'll have to indulge me for a minute.
Fuck fat people.
This bitch this morning almost shattered my god damn hip trying to fit her 300 pound ass in a seat between myself and the partition. Fat people should be forced to stand unless there are two seats avaialble, that are next to each other. This should be a rule. I will write my congressman. I got a kid god damn it. I don't want my hip broken. Gravy eating mongrel. I do not feel sorry for you, I hope you all die from gout. Can't even see your god damn elbows. You got a baby vagina on your arm where your elbow supposed to be. This is bullshit.
Apologies to my fat friends. This is not personal, strictly business.
Fuck fat people.
This bitch this morning almost shattered my god damn hip trying to fit her 300 pound ass in a seat between myself and the partition. Fat people should be forced to stand unless there are two seats avaialble, that are next to each other. This should be a rule. I will write my congressman. I got a kid god damn it. I don't want my hip broken. Gravy eating mongrel. I do not feel sorry for you, I hope you all die from gout. Can't even see your god damn elbows. You got a baby vagina on your arm where your elbow supposed to be. This is bullshit.
Apologies to my fat friends. This is not personal, strictly business.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Fresh off the end of a great TV show
The Jersey Shore show was so fantastic. I mean we are talking pearls and gems here. Straight funny. The guido is a creature like no other and MTV did a wonderful job in choosing a cast that represents guidos well.
Fist pumping. Fighting. Selfishness. Cockiness. Fashion sense.
We learned a couple of things about Guidos & Guidettes. Here are some of the things I learned.
If you wear a tight designer T-Shirt. With some expensive jeans. And gelled hair. Your're a guido.
If your day is going to the Gym, then go tanning then go do your laundry, in that order. Your're a guido.
If you are over confident and have giant biceps, your're a guido.
If you are at a club looking for tail and are willing to make out / fuck anything no matter what it looks like, your're a guido.
If you dance funny, your're a guido.
If you say "bro" within every sentence, you are a guido.
If you can successfully knock out another guy with "one shot" than, your're a guido.
Guidettes:
If you are a female and say "like" before every adjective, noun or verb, you are a guidette.
If you scour the beach for muscle headed men, you are a guidette.
If you rock a "poof" atop your hair, you are guidette.
If you wear hair extensions to make your real hair look "fuller", you are guidette.
If you dance on the boardwalk, alone, you are a guidette.
Fist pumping. Fighting. Selfishness. Cockiness. Fashion sense.
We learned a couple of things about Guidos & Guidettes. Here are some of the things I learned.
If you wear a tight designer T-Shirt. With some expensive jeans. And gelled hair. Your're a guido.
If your day is going to the Gym, then go tanning then go do your laundry, in that order. Your're a guido.
If you are over confident and have giant biceps, your're a guido.
If you are at a club looking for tail and are willing to make out / fuck anything no matter what it looks like, your're a guido.
If you dance funny, your're a guido.
If you say "bro" within every sentence, you are a guido.
If you can successfully knock out another guy with "one shot" than, your're a guido.
Guidettes:
If you are a female and say "like" before every adjective, noun or verb, you are a guidette.
If you scour the beach for muscle headed men, you are a guidette.
If you rock a "poof" atop your hair, you are guidette.
If you wear hair extensions to make your real hair look "fuller", you are guidette.
If you dance on the boardwalk, alone, you are a guidette.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Oral Copulation By Force
Mixed bag, fasten your seatbelts.
You want to talk about immediate bliss then a kick in the nuts? What about that cruel bitch that wakes you up every morning. Ms Alarm Clock. How great is it when you wake up like 30 minutes before your alarm goes off and you get pumped because you can go back to sleep for 30 minutes. And you curl up in the perfect spot. It's your best sleep of the night, then 5 minutes later your alarm clock blows your eardrum out. Fucking cunt. You know once you close your peeper that clock moves faster, it's really not 30 minutes, it's 5 and the clock is fucking with you. Cruel bitch. Oh and the snooze button is nothing but once big cock tease. It's like a virgin that your dating who leaves you with hard ass blue balls everytime and won't even blow you. Another bitch.
I really don't give a shit about Haiti at this point and it's all Wyclef's fault. And Barack Obama.
I will unfollow him (Wyclef) from Twitter.
I hate when people look at my food when I microwave it. I feel like they are staring. And even though they are not that close to me I feel like they are breathing on it too. Fat bastards.
What's with people who sweat profusely for no sane reason? Like I was at this dinner last night talking to this guy, I was wearing a suit with the jacket still on and was very comfortable. The guy I was talking too had no jacket on and his face was visibly sweating. Like what is this guy a fucking sea creature or something. Is that saltwater? What the fuck is going on here. It's not hot in the room at all. In fact most people are rocking suit jackets and appear to NOT be sweating. That dude needs to see a doctor. Or wash his body with Mitchum.
You want to talk about immediate bliss then a kick in the nuts? What about that cruel bitch that wakes you up every morning. Ms Alarm Clock. How great is it when you wake up like 30 minutes before your alarm goes off and you get pumped because you can go back to sleep for 30 minutes. And you curl up in the perfect spot. It's your best sleep of the night, then 5 minutes later your alarm clock blows your eardrum out. Fucking cunt. You know once you close your peeper that clock moves faster, it's really not 30 minutes, it's 5 and the clock is fucking with you. Cruel bitch. Oh and the snooze button is nothing but once big cock tease. It's like a virgin that your dating who leaves you with hard ass blue balls everytime and won't even blow you. Another bitch.
I really don't give a shit about Haiti at this point and it's all Wyclef's fault. And Barack Obama.
I will unfollow him (Wyclef) from Twitter.
I hate when people look at my food when I microwave it. I feel like they are staring. And even though they are not that close to me I feel like they are breathing on it too. Fat bastards.
What's with people who sweat profusely for no sane reason? Like I was at this dinner last night talking to this guy, I was wearing a suit with the jacket still on and was very comfortable. The guy I was talking too had no jacket on and his face was visibly sweating. Like what is this guy a fucking sea creature or something. Is that saltwater? What the fuck is going on here. It's not hot in the room at all. In fact most people are rocking suit jackets and appear to NOT be sweating. That dude needs to see a doctor. Or wash his body with Mitchum.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
fuck it i aint afraid to say i love my wife
Since I don't celebrate Valentine's Day becuase it's fake I will do little things here and there to remind my lady that I love her greatly. I'll start by writing some stuff here. Fast forward to the end and call me a faggot in the comments if you don't want to read some sappy shit. Onward.
My lady,
If I sit back and think about it, I realize that you mean alot more to me than I would have ever imagined. My lover. My friend. You just knows me. In more ways than I can imagine. I'll be thinking of something, in the silence of my own head, and before I can ever get it out you'll say what I'm thinking. And that can be over a couple of days. All my feelings for you have intensified the minute you gave birth to our daughter. And how you've handled her, so far has been amazing. I am so grateful that I married the right woman. So many marriages are shams, to even believe in something like marriage is a giant step but to do it, figure it out somewhat and enjoy it is something totally different. I feel that way now. Hopefully, cuz I know you read my blog from time to time, you see this and it makes you smile. (hopefully it also makes you horny).
To my wife, I'm still in love with you.
The End.
My lady,
If I sit back and think about it, I realize that you mean alot more to me than I would have ever imagined. My lover. My friend. You just knows me. In more ways than I can imagine. I'll be thinking of something, in the silence of my own head, and before I can ever get it out you'll say what I'm thinking. And that can be over a couple of days. All my feelings for you have intensified the minute you gave birth to our daughter. And how you've handled her, so far has been amazing. I am so grateful that I married the right woman. So many marriages are shams, to even believe in something like marriage is a giant step but to do it, figure it out somewhat and enjoy it is something totally different. I feel that way now. Hopefully, cuz I know you read my blog from time to time, you see this and it makes you smile. (hopefully it also makes you horny).
To my wife, I'm still in love with you.
The End.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Sorry for your loss Haiti but we have 9% unemployment
I guess we have to help Haiti?
We get shitted on alot and our name is always in someone's mouth, and it's usually an enemy's mouth yet we are looked upon to help everyone when something hits the fan. Fuck that. What happend there is awful but 100MM is alot of fucking money in the middle of a recession that still exists. That might look like a selfish statement but an old adage applies here. Fix your own problems before you fix other people's problems.
And now our President will pen an essay about Haiti and it will be published in Newsweek.
This guy is very hands on with things that make his image appear to be "godly" while really sucking at what his job requirements actually are. He keeps this up he'll get slammed in 2012 no matter who opposes him.
We get shitted on alot and our name is always in someone's mouth, and it's usually an enemy's mouth yet we are looked upon to help everyone when something hits the fan. Fuck that. What happend there is awful but 100MM is alot of fucking money in the middle of a recession that still exists. That might look like a selfish statement but an old adage applies here. Fix your own problems before you fix other people's problems.
And now our President will pen an essay about Haiti and it will be published in Newsweek.
This guy is very hands on with things that make his image appear to be "godly" while really sucking at what his job requirements actually are. He keeps this up he'll get slammed in 2012 no matter who opposes him.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Super Bowl Champs
WOLFPACK!!! 2009 WINTER EXPO B DIVISION CHAMPIONS!!!!!
GREAT GAME, GREAT TEAM AND WE AIN'T DONE YET.
(I'm second from left in the back holding up #1)
Played a clean, physical corner for 4 quarters. Had a pass deflection and gave up practically nothing. We won 21-13, giving up a garbage TD late. It was a nice birthday gift as I turned 30 over the weekend. My back hurts.
GREAT GAME, GREAT TEAM AND WE AIN'T DONE YET.
(I'm second from left in the back holding up #1)
Played a clean, physical corner for 4 quarters. Had a pass deflection and gave up practically nothing. We won 21-13, giving up a garbage TD late. It was a nice birthday gift as I turned 30 over the weekend. My back hurts.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
more
Build a smoker.
Something about building something. It's in our DNA. Our meaning a man. And I'm a man. So I will do hours of research and that will probably be the end of it. Because do you know what else is in our DNA? Laziness.
Engage someone in a fistfight, it's been awhile.
Wow, last fight I was involved in was probably 8 years ago. At some bar. I don't even remember the circumstances. But I can't just wait around for a fight to come along, I have to make one happen. Don't want my skills to erode. God forbid I need to spring into action I'll be way too rusty and my family might get kidnapped because of it.
Get a two year subscription to the WSJ. I'm tired of buyin it.
Pretty self-explanatory.
Play Lotto more. Ya never know.
My dad played the number everyday and never won more than a couple of hundred bucks. I thought it was a waste. Then Mega Millions came around and this parking attendant won like 150MM and he was a spanish peasant. So, hey ya never know. (I think he is dead now from coke and strippers but still).
Open up a wing joint.
I want to open up a wing joint so bad but I am scared of the scenario "if I quit my job and it fails then what". Location, location, location. There is nothing to eat in Jersey City. Yet there are many business here. I think if I opened up a wing joint here it would do well. I make good wings. Mild, Hot, Shut you mouf, BBQ, Asian. Those would be the sauces. And fresh cut fries, grilled corn and maybe some hush puppies. I don't know. I haven't finished the menu yet. Nor have I secured any sort of financing. This is just a dream. One day my friends I will own an establishment where you come in, you eat good, you pay little, and you leave in good spirits.
Perfect the footlong mozzarella stick recipe.
Been working on this sucker for years. A footlong of love. Each morsel as good as the one before it. You'll see.
Something about building something. It's in our DNA. Our meaning a man. And I'm a man. So I will do hours of research and that will probably be the end of it. Because do you know what else is in our DNA? Laziness.
Engage someone in a fistfight, it's been awhile.
Wow, last fight I was involved in was probably 8 years ago. At some bar. I don't even remember the circumstances. But I can't just wait around for a fight to come along, I have to make one happen. Don't want my skills to erode. God forbid I need to spring into action I'll be way too rusty and my family might get kidnapped because of it.
Get a two year subscription to the WSJ. I'm tired of buyin it.
Pretty self-explanatory.
Play Lotto more. Ya never know.
My dad played the number everyday and never won more than a couple of hundred bucks. I thought it was a waste. Then Mega Millions came around and this parking attendant won like 150MM and he was a spanish peasant. So, hey ya never know. (I think he is dead now from coke and strippers but still).
Open up a wing joint.
I want to open up a wing joint so bad but I am scared of the scenario "if I quit my job and it fails then what". Location, location, location. There is nothing to eat in Jersey City. Yet there are many business here. I think if I opened up a wing joint here it would do well. I make good wings. Mild, Hot, Shut you mouf, BBQ, Asian. Those would be the sauces. And fresh cut fries, grilled corn and maybe some hush puppies. I don't know. I haven't finished the menu yet. Nor have I secured any sort of financing. This is just a dream. One day my friends I will own an establishment where you come in, you eat good, you pay little, and you leave in good spirits.
Perfect the footlong mozzarella stick recipe.
Been working on this sucker for years. A footlong of love. Each morsel as good as the one before it. You'll see.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
New Years Resolutions Expounded
Just realized how much writing material I can get out of my New Year Resolutions. And since they are all 100% real I will expound on some of them. This will be fun. Maybe I'll do like 5 a day or 5 a post. Maybe one. Maybe I will forget about this and bore you with other drivel.
Learn the secrets of Kung Fu.
Since the first time I heard the GZA's Liquid Swords album as a young teenager I wanted to learn the secrets of the Samurai. It's like knowing the meaning of life. If I could just learn like two moves that when executed properly can make me a killing machine I'd be happy.
Eat more fish.
I don't eat fish regularly. Barely eat it at all. And I mean fish. Like not shellfish. I hear it's super healthy for you unless your name is Jeremy Piven. I know how to cook too so it's not like I would struggle with making simple fish dishes. It's just not part of my routine. It's butcher, dry cleaning, fruit store. Repeat. Gotta mix in the fish store. Got a great one right across the street from the butcher too. Maybe tomorrow I'll walk over their and snag a snapper for dinner.
Keep my lips un-chapped.
Just embarrassing when your lips are chapped bad and you have to hold a conversation with someone. This should be on everyone's list.
Get some new pants.
I enjoy a nice pair of slacks and am rarely late. It's as simple as that. One thing though, I only like Macy's Men's Department for my work clothes because of all the choices.
And socks.
Where do they go? Serious. Are all our missing socks on an island somewhere with Notorious BIG, Tupac, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis? Every time my wife comes home with the clean laundry I'm down a pair of socks. It's mind-boggling.
Until next time.......Diaries of the expounded NE Resolutions.
Learn the secrets of Kung Fu.
Since the first time I heard the GZA's Liquid Swords album as a young teenager I wanted to learn the secrets of the Samurai. It's like knowing the meaning of life. If I could just learn like two moves that when executed properly can make me a killing machine I'd be happy.
Eat more fish.
I don't eat fish regularly. Barely eat it at all. And I mean fish. Like not shellfish. I hear it's super healthy for you unless your name is Jeremy Piven. I know how to cook too so it's not like I would struggle with making simple fish dishes. It's just not part of my routine. It's butcher, dry cleaning, fruit store. Repeat. Gotta mix in the fish store. Got a great one right across the street from the butcher too. Maybe tomorrow I'll walk over their and snag a snapper for dinner.
Keep my lips un-chapped.
Just embarrassing when your lips are chapped bad and you have to hold a conversation with someone. This should be on everyone's list.
Get some new pants.
I enjoy a nice pair of slacks and am rarely late. It's as simple as that. One thing though, I only like Macy's Men's Department for my work clothes because of all the choices.
And socks.
Where do they go? Serious. Are all our missing socks on an island somewhere with Notorious BIG, Tupac, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis? Every time my wife comes home with the clean laundry I'm down a pair of socks. It's mind-boggling.
Until next time.......Diaries of the expounded NE Resolutions.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2010, I come with full force
My 2010 New Year Resolutions:
Learn the secrets of Kung Fu.
Eat more fish.
Keep my lips un-chapped.
Get some new pants.
And socks.
Build a smoker.
Engage someone into a fistfight, it's been awhile.
Get a two year subscription to the WSJ. Sick of buying it.
Play lotto more. Ya never know.
Open up a Wing Joint.
Perfect the footlong mozzeralla stick recipe.
Market my own beverage.
Shave my balls more often.
Cutback on candy.
Perfect my golf swing.
Eat more hamburgers.
Go to DiFara Pizza before Dom DeMarco dies.
Hit up an NFL stadium, continue the tour.
Go to a Wu-Tang clan concert.
Visit a member of Lordz of Vengeance.
Use credit cards less.
If my bonus is good buy my wife something expensive.
Buy a cast iron skillet.
Capture a live deer, feed it bacon then race it.
Build a small outdoor bar for my veranda.
Do One Hundred push-ups a day.
Get a CDL (commercial drivers license).
Design a Vitamin regimen and do it.
Learn the Tango.
Try snake charming.
Stop cursing in front of my daughter. (will never happen but gonna try)
Learn the secrets of Kung Fu.
Eat more fish.
Keep my lips un-chapped.
Get some new pants.
And socks.
Build a smoker.
Engage someone into a fistfight, it's been awhile.
Get a two year subscription to the WSJ. Sick of buying it.
Play lotto more. Ya never know.
Open up a Wing Joint.
Perfect the footlong mozzeralla stick recipe.
Market my own beverage.
Shave my balls more often.
Cutback on candy.
Perfect my golf swing.
Eat more hamburgers.
Go to DiFara Pizza before Dom DeMarco dies.
Hit up an NFL stadium, continue the tour.
Go to a Wu-Tang clan concert.
Visit a member of Lordz of Vengeance.
Use credit cards less.
If my bonus is good buy my wife something expensive.
Buy a cast iron skillet.
Capture a live deer, feed it bacon then race it.
Build a small outdoor bar for my veranda.
Do One Hundred push-ups a day.
Get a CDL (commercial drivers license).
Design a Vitamin regimen and do it.
Learn the Tango.
Try snake charming.
Stop cursing in front of my daughter. (will never happen but gonna try)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Pictures, XMAS
Someone bought me a Snuggie, I know I'm not happy about it either.
Santa came to my house and brought with him this bounty.
Oh Deer God!
Crab sauce, I can eat crab flesh all day long.
Santa came to my house and brought with him this bounty.
Oh Deer God!
Crab sauce, I can eat crab flesh all day long.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas
To all and to all a good night. I'll post a couple of xmas pics next week. Enjoy the season.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Shopping
Stats from yesterday's marathon shooping excursion.
$824 spent
11 people taken care of
2 outfits the kid pissed through
1 of them she threw up on
2 Avocado rolls from the cheesecake factory
8 times i saw a women on a cell phone arguing with someone (probably her signifcant other)
9 toys
2 returns
8 mini cinnabon's
4 retarded old navy workers
2 santa clauses
61 miles
$19 in tolls
Ho ho ho.
$824 spent
11 people taken care of
2 outfits the kid pissed through
1 of them she threw up on
2 Avocado rolls from the cheesecake factory
8 times i saw a women on a cell phone arguing with someone (probably her signifcant other)
9 toys
2 returns
8 mini cinnabon's
4 retarded old navy workers
2 santa clauses
61 miles
$19 in tolls
Ho ho ho.
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