2007, the year of the spider monkey

Everyone get your drink on!














And have a Happy New Year!

When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band

I got nothing to say.

Except that I'm sick of hearing New Year's Resolutions. No one really believes your going to lose weight fatty. And no one believes your quitting smoking windbag. Or drinking, Alkie.
No one believes you. So stop.

Sleep

Whoever is off today I hope your day sucks. I just wanna sleep.

All I want for Christmas......

My Xmas List, 2006.

Dear Santa:

The Knight Rider car (hell if Joey Fatone can own one why can't I)

A Taser

A Mini-bike (like the one the Burger King rides in the VG)

A picture of myself smoking a pipe and wearing a robe

Box of Twinkies

The very first issue of Playboy

A barrel of Jack Daniels

A blue agave plant

Three samarui swords

Entemmann's crumb cake

One of those message chairs from Sharper Image

A rubber boobie

Paintball gun

Case of Sno-Caps

Beer

Vicodin's

Wine

Jessica Alba

That is all.

Merry XMAS, enjoy the holiday's!!

I just couldn't resist

I wanted to keep my sports post up for at least another day but as the title states, I could not resist this debacle. I snapped this from my seat on the lovely N train into work yesterday. It was a moose dressed as a girl. She was wearing those retarded UUUUGGGHHHH's. Tell me that shit looks good and you need a two-piece wif a biscuit.

The real question is if she cuts one of those legs what comes out?
A. Blood
B. Gravy

It's the most wonderful time.......

It's one of my favorite time's of the year. Bowl Season!

Time to handicap each bowl game. This will come with a small capsule of analysis. Enjoy!

TCU -12 over NIU : TCU's two losses come via Utah and BYU. They were early in the season and the have rolled since. NIU's star back Garret Wolfe will need to have a monster game in order to beat the Horned Frogs. I think TCU will neutralize him when it counts and I think they come out on top.

Oregon +3.5 over BYU : Former BYU coach Gary Crowton knows BYU's personnel very well. And this will help coach Bellotti gameplan against star QB John Beck and that spread offense. OU tailback Jonathan Stewart figures to be big in this game with his ball control, pounding style of play.

RICE -5 over Troy : I wanted to side with the Troy Trojans here but after studying both sides of the stats it seems that Rice may be too explosive of an offense for Troy to handle. Espeacially if Chase Clement comes back to the QB position. He has been sidelines with a shoulder injury since the East Carolina game.

South Florida -4 over E. Carolina : I think this is a lock. S. Florida is a tough, physical team with a very good freshman QB in Grothe. They played a tough Big East scehdule and gave WVU a scare late in November.

San Jose St. +3.5 over New Mexico : Why not? I love the defense of these Spartans. Dick Tomey has really turned this program around. They fly to the ball, they hit you in the mouth and they play ball control. Throw a stick on the under (48) if your feeling frisky too.

Utah -1.5 over Tulsa : One of the best players the country hasn't seen is Ute safety Eric Weddle who is a ridiculous ballhawk. Tulsa is -5 in turnovers, Ute's are +8. Ballgame.

Hawaii -8 over ASU : Colt Brennan. In Honolulu. ASU didn't have an impressive win the whole year. By the way the over/under for this game is 74. Grab the popcorn.

C.Michigan -10 over Mid Tenn State : No reason to take the Blue Raiders here. Lay the ten and be done with it.

UCLA -4.5 over FSU : I hate the spread cuz I have a feeling this is going to be a FG fest. To make up for the potential loss on the game I'd ride the under (41) for a bone as well.

Bama +2 over OK State : Even with the departed Mike Shula I think you have to take the Tide here. OSU's defense is pitiful and Bama's defense is ranked #18th in the country.

Cal -5 over Texas A&M : You guys know how I feel about Cal. Been touting them all year. Lynch is an NFL back(running with a purpose in a bowl game to raise your stock, um yeah!), Longshore can make any and every throw on the field and DeSean Jackson is super fast. I also like Tedford. I think he is solid. I got no love for the Aggies 9-3 season.

Rutgers -7 over K.State : Schiano finishes his spectacular year off with a bowl victory. Freshman QB Josh Freeman is very inexperienced. Expect a few to's from the K State offense.

Clemson -10 over Kentucky : I don't know which Tiger team is going to show up but I'm hoping for the one that started out 7-1 and outscored their opponents by 305-66. The Wildcats defense got more holes than a poor boy's sock.

Oregon St. -3.5 over Missouri : Missouri struggled against the run this year and the Beavers can run the ball effectively. That coupled with O State riding a 5 game winning streak and you can call me a Beaver believer!

Gamecocks -6 over Houston : Spurrier seeking his first bowl V as S. Carolina's coach. They have been improving all season but I'm still wary of their secondary. And for the record, I think Kolb (QB for Houston) is going to be a good NFL QB.

Minnesota +6 over Texas Tech : No one is giving the Golden Gophers a shot at this game so I'll ride with them. If they can play a ball-control type offense and use the play action well they have a chance.

Maryland pk'em over Purdue : Terps have a better running game. This may force QB Curtis Painter to get antsy and make some stupid decisions. I like the coach too. Big fat fuck.

BC -6 over Navy : Coach O'Brien is drilling the triple-option offense into his team right now. So that idea won't work. Also can Navy's undersized D, stop veteran QB Matt Ryan's balanced attack?

Texas -11 over Iowa : I tried to think of a reason to pick Iowa but I couldn't. Even with the status of Colt McCoy unknown I can't trust Tate and his banged up body. Texas has better talent anyway.

VaTech -2 over Georgia : Talk about a good two-loss team? Hello Va Tech. Another El Padrino lock as Georgia will need big plays to beat Va Tech and they don't do that well. Stafford's only thrown 6 TD's to a doubling 12 INT's. I also think the Hokies will make a play or two on speacial teams.

Nevada +3 over Miami : I can't see taking Miami right now. Coker is dead, the players don't care, Nevada has the #22 ranked rushing game in the country and Boise, Idaho is a long way from south Florida. P.S. I like that safety for Nevada, good prospect for the pro's.

Nebraska +3 over Auburn : As much as it pains me to say this, I have to agree with some pundits that Callahan has great job in re-building this storied program. I think if Nebraska can get off a couple of big plays they may be able to hold off the Auburn offense. Because there wouldn't be much to hold off.

Tennessee -4 over Penn State : The offense led by a much improved Erik Ainge will smoke that suspect secondary of the Nittany Lions. The only hope is on the shoulders of Tony Hunt who is ranked #14 in the nation in rushing. Good luck Mr. Hunt.

Wisconsin +1.5 over Arkansas : Basically a pick'em this game will be won on the ground. And even though Arkansas is battle-tested I'm going with P.J Hill. I think Wisconsin has a little chip on thier shoulder in regards to the weak sked talk they've been hearing. Let's see them prove themselves.

W.Virginia -7 over G.Tech : No one is giving them a chance and right now, I can't defend them. Lost two straight by three points on bad QB play and stupid coaching. Meanwhile WVU pulled off a dramatic triple OT game win vs. Rutgers to close out the season. What if Calvin Johnson had a good QB lobbing him passes. He might of broken every WR record on earth. Dude is man.

Michigan +1 over USC : Mich proves they belong. The trio of Manningham, Henne and Hart proves to be too much and the overhwhelming eigth ranked total defense will stifle the USC offense. This is going to be a classic game. Put your feet up and save some beer for New Years Day.

Boise St. +7.5 over Oklahoma : I just like the points. I think Ian Johnson can neutralize the OU defense enough for the safeties to cheat up a bit. This enables Zabransky to do what he does best. Throw it. Kid just makes plays with his arm. I hope the coaching staff prepared well for these Broncos....under-estimating this team would be a huge mistake.

Louisville -10 over Wake Forest : Nice season by Wake. Unfortunetely I don't think they can hang with the Cardinals on a national stage. Too much offense.

LSU -9 over Notre Dame : Unless Quinn can play on his back they ain't winning shit. That o-line is terrible. Look for Laron Landry to make a few plays in this game.

Western Michigan +8 over Cincinnati : I expect a cover here. I know the Bearcats are a better team but Western Mich will hang around. The real question is why is this game being played on Jan. 6th?

Ohio U -6 over Southern Miss : Another WTF? Ohio to cover. If they can run the ball effectively they'll get the job done.

Ohio St. -7.5 over Florida : C'mon. Do you really think Florida belongs? True all they did was win this year but they barely won every big game they played. By one point over the Vols, a late TD to beat Georgia (who stunk this year btw), 6 points better than a crappy Vandy team, one point better than a spunky SC team, and a painful win over FSU by aTD. The only team they beat pretty good was LSU. I can't see OSU having any trouble with Florida. Let's see how much of a genius this Urban Meyer is.

Mango Salsa

Quick hits:

The whole Mt. Hood search thing has got me thinking of "Wedding Crashers".
Remember the part where John visits Chazz and Chazz tells him that he met that chick from a funeral? Ok the part where Chazz says : "Yeah, her boyfriend dies hangliding" "What an idiot"
Look honey, take a picture, I'm hangliding!!"" AAHHH, look at me, ahhh I'm dead"

That shit was funny. Anyway feel bad for the fam but damn, hiking atop one of the highest mountains in the world during thedead of winter? Not too smart.

Xmas week, glad xmas eve is on a Sunday. That means I can eat more. Grandma don't fuck around. Crabs, slams, shrimp, scungili, calamari, macaroni, maybe a roast or two, and of course desserts that stretch all the way to Maine.

Anyone eat Pomegrante's? I eat the seeds. Is that normal?

I gotta put together a xmas list and post it. This week, fo sho'.

That show Identity looks dumb.

Cinnabon's are amazing.

Below is a cool xmas shirt. Enjoy.

8 trolls and 1 man

Sit down, I got a story to tell.

Juror #1 - Crazy old black man. Read the bible the entire time in the room and wore sunglasses. Judge didn't even ask him to take them off. Weird.

Juror #2 - Middle aged black man with crooked glasses. Like real crooked. Like homey don't have a mirror in the crib crooked. He had a serial killer type look on his face most of the time. Another weirdo.

Juror #3 - Pregnant black woman. One of those "women are powerful" people. Puhleeze. Go bake a cake and vacuum the living room wench. She had an opinion on everything that went on in the courtroom. Down to the lawyer's shoes.

Juror #4 - Older black woman. She had the Benjamin Buford Blue bottom lip. Shit stuck out like a fish lip. Bitch looked like a pirhana. And she had a wig.

Juror #5 - Middle aged black man. He was in a wheelchair. Other than the 1980's MJ leather jacket he was cool. Had some butter teeth though. Shits were yellow.

Juror #6 - Middle aged Haitian man. Dude's english was jacked up. He asked me a question and I was like "god bless you". Sounded like he sneezed or something. I hate immigrants.

Juror #7 - Middle aged spanish man. He was fat. Like 350 fat. When it was quiet all you heard were his lungs laboring.

Juror #8 - Young black dude. Cool cat. He looked like Akon.

Juror #9 - Me.

Onto the trial:

Plaintiff : Estate of Ms. Munno
She was admitted to hospital, she had a bad ticker. She fell busted her nose and her health from that day foward tailspined and she ended up passing away two weeks later. Estate claiming she was not properly cared for and that led to the fall.

Defense : Wyckoff Medical Center, Bushwick NY (real shitty place)
Claims nursing staff attended to patient at all times and treated her just fine. Blame her death on her bad ticker. Which had a 90% main artery blockage.

There were two nurses, 3 doctors and 2 kids that testified. The plaintiff's lawyer was really retarded. The judge constantly yelled at him and he wore the same Jerry Garcia tie every day. He dragged the case at times by asking the same question over and over. It was a nightmare. A
The defense lawyer was this little cocky jew who seemed like one of those guys that thinks he knows everything. Like most lawyers. Sometimes he would raise his voice loud to punctuate a point he was making. He must of thought he was on tv or something.

Long story short I would have voted no. I didn't think the plaintiff proved a burden of proof. I am going to google the case to see what the verdict was.

Ever suck Goat nuts?

Man, that jury duty sucked major goat nuts. And since I was an alternate it sucked even greater goat nuts. Being as I had to sit there and listen to everything, going through all the motions and at the end get the boot. Not being able to decide if the old lady's kids get some green. Oh well, at least I'm off the hook for 6 years. My time started Tuesday, allow me to tell you about my days in a diary/summation type style:

Tuesday : Everyone reports to central jury, this is espeacially horrifying because of all these trolls, aliens and minions. They are all retarded and all of them look like homeless people.

10Am: Richard Moll type Court officer announces to everyone not to try and get out of jury duty unless you are dying right this minute. Of course this prompts 80 people to approach only to get yelled at to go sit down.

11am: All the immigrants who say they can't speak english get a english test and all pass.
Fucking morons. No bigger retards than foreign one's. Boggles my mind. Really it does.

12pm: I eat my third snicker bar.

1pm: Get called to a seperate pool for a case. Medical Malpractice.....

2pm: Everyone is saying they would suck on a jury to get out of it.

3pm: They pick everyone but one more person (3rd alternate juror)

3:10pm : My name gets called. I say "fuck" loud enough for it to be heard.

3:15pm : They ask me 2 questions..... 1. Have I had any bad experiences in a hospital?
I say no but my grandma has....They ask me to elaborate. I refuse to delve into personal life history in front of two strangers and a room full of hoopels. So I make up a story about her getting a wrong operation thinking this will automatically excuse me from being on this case.

question #2. Do I think that if I fell and got hurt, do I have a right to sue for personal injuries?
I say yes. They end the questioning and tell me I have been picked.
What? Ususally the next question is can you be fair or impartial, blah blah blah....to which I would say no, I'm a racist. Then I would have been excused. But no, no other questions. Horrible. I'm on a jury.

4pm: Train ride home. A toothless homeless man is singing Feliz Navidad at the top of his lungs. I wanted to drop kick him in his chest but he looked semi-dangerous.

Tomorrow, you get a summation of the trial and the wonderful jury that I sat on.

Some pics, more to come

Lambeau, Nov 19th...Here are a few shots....I'm in the middle on the 2nd pic.

Murder was the case that they gave me

I got picked. Fuckers. I'm on case. And the plaintiff's lawyer is a retard so it seems like this is going to take forever. My boss is thrilled. So is life.

Gollum free!!!!

Jury Duty

I'm in Jury Duty. They have free internet access so I figured it'd be cool to post while in jury duty. Haven't had my name called yet. It's punishment for throwing out the previous 3 summones. Bastards. They'll pay!

blah

So the Pope prayed in a muslim mosque. Great.
The world as we know it is over. Our pope is a devil worshiper.

Anyway in NYC on December 1st and it's 67 degrees. A fellow blogger tells me it's 32 degrees in Arizona. Al Gore must be doing back flips. Actually it's due to that little bastard El Nino. He promises to continually fuck up the weather for the next 3 years or so.

This just in....the economy sucks.

I want a showbox full of $50's for xmas.

The Little Drummer Boy is the best xmas song ever.
Close second, xmas time is here from Peanuts.

1st of the month, cash those checks poor bitches!

Mango Salsa

First let me weigh in on this "50 Shots" story that is gaining national attention.
If you don't know the story here it is."50 Shots

1. Forget race, why this needs to be made into a racial issue is beyond me. The dead guy is black, the other black guy is wounded and the latino guy is in critical condition. Out of the 5 cops, 2 were white, 2 were black and 1 was latin. All were plainclothes detectives. So of course because blacks were once persecuted in this country some 50, 100, 200 some years ago they were murdered. Right.

2. The undercover officer heard one of the guys say they were going to the car to get a gun and settle a dispute with a fellow patron inside. What happend next is grainy. The three men went into the car and apparentely when approached by the undercover the driver rammed his car against the undercover van, then motioned towards his waistband. After the first cop screamed gun, the others came out and all fired their weapons. Resulting in one death and two wounded.

50 shots = excessive? Yeah maybe.
50 shots = racism, murder? C'mon. Who besides Al Sharpton believes that this was a racially motivated attack? I hate when race gets involved in these things. It makes matters worse. Now the city is on edge a la "Crown Heights 1992". Racism is grotesque. But for this unfortunate incident I don't believe there was any. Cops are under alot of stress and when they fear like their life is in danger they have proven that they are going to make sure they stay alive.

More fallout.....bloods and crips have put "hits" out on cops all over NYC. Great.

In good news, the Rockefeller Center tree gets lit tonight. Yule Tide!

Who is watching Britney Spears babies while she is out flashing her twat all over the place?

If I hear one more pol say that Iraq is "our Vietnam" I'm gonna snap out.

Netflix movies I have home right now:
MI3, Thank You For Smoking, Mimi's First Time

Warm weather on the east coast so far.... I feel like we are being tricked into believing this will last. With that said I fully expect a December blizzard unlike anything I have ever seen.

Gollum on vacation this week. Feng Shui.

Black Friday

If your home, I hate you. Plain and simple.

I hope you get the flu. That's a reason to stay home.

Rot.

Picks for sports fans are here : LOV Blog

Gobble Gobble Bitches

Happy Turkey day to all....A Truly underated holiday.

Stuff your face, be with family and friends. And watch football.

Picks-
Tampa Bay +11 over Dallas : 11 points, two straight wins and all of the sudden Tony Romo is a hall of famer and the Cowboys are a juggernaut.....yeah sure.

Dolphins -3 over Lions: Detroit usually plays well on Turkey Day but that was when Barry Sanders was the RB. And he's been gone for quite some time know.

KC +1 over Denver: Toughest call of the week. I guess you have to go with the home team. Also any team with Larry Johnson has a shot.

I love Thanksgiving....with XMAS being shoved down our throats sometimes T-Giving gets the shaft. Don't let it happen. Enjoy it.

Here is a Turkey Day related tshirt from Tjokes.com

Go Pack Go!

Warning: This is very long, if you just want to read about Lambeau scroll down to "Lambeau". I felt like the total experience started the minute we landed so I really didn't spare any details.

Lambeau Field. What a place. I don't even know where to begin. First the stats:

4 planes, 4 airports, over 2000 miles logged, one gray Impala, 42 beers, one resident Green Bay crack whore, 58 cows, 73,000 Packer fans, one old perverted host at Titletown Brewery, one sprinting waitress (at the same establishment), one gay Chinese gas attendant, two black people in the entire stadium, one three fingered brat server, and one really fucked up room that the cleaning lady may still be cleaning now.

Saturday

We left early Saturday from Newark, NJ airport. With a stopover in Chicago we were a little sleepy so as we settled in for the 2hr flight we all agreed that a morning cocktail was in order. You know, just to perk up a bit. Nothing like a good screwdriver on a early morning flight.
After landing in Chicago (tremendous airport) it was on to Wausau, Wisconsin. 30 minutes later we were in Wausau. Time to get the rental car and drive the 90 miles to Green Bay.

Now as you may imagine there isn't much going on in Wausau. In fact when the guy in front of me asked the rental car clerk where the nearest drug store was she laughed. Of course I chimed in with a "well, if you travel 50 miles south there is a general store on the right" joke. She seemed semi-amused. This may be a good time to mention that she didn't wash her face with soap in about 2 months. The drive there was fun, we stumbled out of the gate by making one bad right turn but thank god for Chinese people. What the fuck are they everywhere or what? Coming to an intersection straight out of Cast Away (right, left, straight, go back) we asked where we can find the route we needed and sure enough my man Don Ho knew the way to go!

We got to Green Bay in under two hours. The drive was cool. Bunch of farms, tiny restaurants, lots of cows and horses. Pulling into Green Bay and immediately you see the impact the Packers have on this town of 102,000 people. Packers signs, flags and apparel covered most of the town. As we get to the "downtown" area there were some shops and restaurants. After checking into our hotel we headed to TitleTown Brewery . The food was pretty good and the beer was fresh homemade shit. Pretty good. Plus alot of Packer Memorabilia and shit. After that we wanted to find a liquor store to load our room with beer. The plan was to watch the OSU-MICH game and other games while getting loaded. We found the only liquor store there and I decided that we were only to drink shit made in Wisconsin. So this meant, Miller brands, Old Style, Pabst, Milwaukee's Best and a few other one's that started with an L and ended with an U. But first we had to ask the resident Green Bay crack whore which was better. Olde Style or Pabst. Bitch smiled with some fucked up tufts and was in the most country ass accent you know said "member when I used to drank Olde Style? (country laugh). Um, I don't know which is better. I LIKE BUUUDWEEISER!" Ok then, settled. Ring up the Pabst and let's get the f out of here (we had a running joke all weekend about that country skank, one of them was me saying that she ate Dick and Balls for breakfast every morning).

So we had 42 beers to plow through. One of my boys really wasn't feeling the beer so it was more like 3 of us on that 42. Long story short there were only 5 left when we checked out. Basically we drank them all and had the balls to head down to the hotel Pub and shoot some darts and play some video blackjack. The hotel housed mostly people in town for the Packer game. So the atmosphere was real cool. There were even some Pat fans roaming around to make fun of. We ended up drinking a few more beers down at the Pub which wasn't a good idea considering we already went through about 30 cans of Miller High Life and Pabst. After the Pub my cousin was hungry so we headed over to a sports bar that was serving food til 2am. I had on a yellow Farve jersey with nothing under that and no sneakers on. Just socks. P.S it was 30 degrees that night. Basically I was walking around downtown Green Bay with no sneakers on at 1:30am. After shoving a few pies of pizza down our throats we all crashed.

Lambeau

Waking up the next morning never felt so bad. After my boy Drock started the heave-ho conga line we laid down, cleaned up and headed to Lambeau with the rest of what seemed like the whole town. It was great. Driving in towards the stadium all you saw was Packer fans. Along the tree-laden blocks were signs saying "No Parking on Day of Packer Games". Starting 10 blocks from the Stadium were signs for parking. But not like municipal parking. People would charge to park on their lawns, driveways or on their front curbs. It was crazy. I chose a nice little modest house to donate my $15 for parking. But when I pulled in, the whole backyard is open and packed with cars. They must make $10,000 a year during the Packer season. And from the guy's backyard you saw the top two points of Lambeau....an oasis of history in the middle of one of the smallest cities in America.

The walk from the car to Lambeau.......
The closer we got the better it looked. Big and green. Sounds simple right? The Lambeau Atrium was sort of centered in the middle of the stadium. Throngs of people draped in green and yellow. I felt the mystique. It was imposing....almost like a big bully. I could see why teams (mostly in the past) were intimidated by Lambeau.

Inside Lambeau.......
It was like a mini glasshouse with the Packers Pro Shop, Curly's Pub, Hall of Fame Grill and Frozen In Time Ice Cream Shop. The entrances to the actual Stadium part were to the right and left. Once you went in the cold slapped you in the face. Every 12 feet was a food stand or a beer stop. Brat's, pizza, hot dogs, burgers, chili's, etc. My first order was a bowl of Chili and a Miller Lite in a souvenir cup. Later we had some brat's of course, delicious stuff.

Sitting down.........
Once we found our seats I realized that there wasn't a bad seat in the house. It's a stadium that holds 70,000+ and there were no real seats. The stadium was filled with bleachers. Metal bleachers each marked with a number. The crowd was close to the action too, like on top of the Pats bench and the Pack's bench. It was old school at it's finest. We settled in right when the Packers were being introduced. I looked around, took a deep breath and took in the atmosphere. It was clean, crisp air, sun was shining brightly, fans were cheering the intro's and I was in Lambeau. I looked at the crew, told em to suck it all in. I was sitting next to an old couple that had been season ticket holder for 31 years. Packer country indeed.

The game........the crowd......more Lambeau
Everyone knows they didn't win. But that doesn't mean the game wasn't exciting. The fans are great. No matter what the situation they cheered and tried to will their team to do well. Every 10 minutes or so the chant "Go Pack Go"! would ring throughout the stadium. Even on bad plays the groaning was to a minimum. Farve looked putrid but was never booed. At one point a man to my left was clamoring for Aaron Rodgers and just about everyone in my section who heard him, scolded him like a dog who just shit on the rug. Never talk bad about Farve. You want to talk about legend. Shit. The minute this man retires a statue is going right outside next to Curly Lambeau and Vince Lombardi statues. When he got taken off the field holding his arm I thought the lady in front of me was going to cry. They were devastated, you must of heard the OHHHH! all the way to Cali. But as Aaron came onto the field everyone applauded and rooted for the young man. It didn't matter if Satan was QB'ing....as long as he had a Packer jersey on they were rooting for him. Best hometown crowd/team I've been around. After the game we went down to the endzone where players would have leaped into the crowd had the Packers score. Took some pics and took it all in once again before leaving.

For the good times the crowd was more than electric. Loud and armed with white towels they made sure they were heard all the way in Dorchester, MA. Unbelievable experience. Every man that loves football or sports in general should make the pilgrimage to Lambeau Field. And to sum up the crowd, it's the 4th quarter, about 3 minutes left andit's 35-0 New England. Most of the crowd was still in attendance. Most of the crowd was CHEERING the Packers on. CHEERING Aaron Rodgers to make a play, CHEERING the defense to force a turnover. After the game we went down to the endzone where players would have leaped into the crowd had the Packers score. Took some pics and took it all in once again before leaving. What a place. Make the pilgramage. Go to Lambeau.

Mango Salsa (Friday Edition)

Sports fans click here for the picks..... LOV

Friday, friday. Ahh. I thought you'd never come.

Onto Green Bay Wisconsin eary tomorrow morning for a sunday afternoon football game. Histotic Lambeau Field awaits. Going with 4 friends and we will have a lot of beer and food.
Should be good.

Christmas time is almost here. Already. I mean, they are shoving down our throats this year huh. Midtown manhattan is already decorated. Only 3 more paychecks left til XMAS!!!!
AARRGHH!

I need a vacation. Remind me next year to store a week for this time of year.

I hope O.J Simpson dies a horrible death.

Playstation 3 hits stores in U.S today. I hope you don't think you just waltzing into the store and grabbing one off the shelf. People have been in line to get one since Monday night.

I want a Taser for Xmas.

Iran is going to become a nuclear power. Great just in time for the Dems to be ok with this.

Bring on the holiday's, bring on the food.

Is there a Britney sex tape?

Brooklyn Pizza & Porn Mountain

Brooklyn Pizza?

I'm offended. Really, I am. It's pretty hard to offend me. It takes alot.
As anyone seen the new commercials by Domino's advertising a "Brooklyn Style" pizza?

C'mon. You want me to believe that you are making a Brooklyn Style Pizza?
And you want me to believe that it tastes just like a slice of real Brooklyn pizza? You cannot be serious. Are you? Laughable. Just stick to making shitty cardboard pizza for fraternities across the country. You'll never make a pizza that tastes like Brooklyn.

Porn Mountain.

I have an idea for a theme park but the world ain't ready for it. It's called Porn Mountain.
It's a porn themed park filled with rides and attractions. Just like Six Flags.

There would be some roller coasters and some water rides.
The main attraction would be a state of the art Fucking Coaster.
The roller coaster would be made out like a dick and it would shoot into a replica vagina. It would start outside, climb to a drop point, then plunge inside a vagina and swirl around in the vagina. It would look real. The ride would end when the dick car would "pull out" or go backwards out of the vagina. Details still need to be worked out.

There would also be a lazy river with boob tubes.
A penis fountain for the ladies, where a giant penis would shower the crowd with water.
Water slides that resemble the curves of a woman.
Maybe a Pimps Up, Hoe's Down ride, where similar to Pirates of the Caribbean ride you'll go through some of America's most prominent spots for hookers.

Sounds good right?

Just Another Manic Monday

Today sucks.

It's windy and cloudy, looks like it's gonna rain any minute.

My boss called out, so I gotta do all his work plus the work I'm already doing from the Jew (who's out on disability for pissing orange)

My shirt is too tight, I look like a little boy (which is rare cuz I'm normally a good dresser).

The gollum is explaining to me the difference between a polish donut and an American donut.

My computer at work is mysteriously missing files I need to move on with my day.

The Giants lost last night, a game that they should have won.

I need 25 points from Jake Delhomme (QB for Carolina) to win my fantasy match-up this week and if I don't get I'll drop to 2nd place.

Some fat guy stepped on my toe this morning on the train. I think it's broken.

Today just sucks.

Tidbits

Again, every Friday I post here (for sports fans only) : LOV blog

Today marked the third day in a row that the train doors closed in my face in the morning.
Not a good way to start the day. Also a chinese women sat next to me this morning and was eating what looked like dirt and seeds. I hope she enjoyed herself because if it wasn't Friday I woulda threw her a beatin'.

Gollum is out of control today. His usual self but with added caffeine. I wish I had a shinobi sword. I've already told him this am to go back to his home (Poland). So i'm glad I got that out of the way.

That's all I got, have a good fucking weekend.

Blame It On The Rain, Yeah, Yeah...

I hate it when it rains. It's just misery. I feel like being tied to a bed and getting my legs whacked over and over again. People become even more retarded than usual.
On the way home last night I had alot of people issues. Let me explain.
First of all when I open my umbrella I usually do it away from anyone so that it doesn't open in someone's face. Apparently I am the only person who does this.
Second, when walking on a crowded street or sidewalk I try not to poke anyone in the face with my umbrella and/or hold it high in the air so all the rain water falls on the people below.
Again, apparently only I practice this edict.
Lastly when I close my umbrella, I make sure I don't cause a splash that would wet anyone near me. Not the case with other people. Onto the dreaded subway.

When it rains in NYC the subway's are most usually covered in water. Making it slippery and even more smelly then usual. This is probably because they were built 100 years ago. Also the trains run slower and are typically more crowded. So with that wonderful backdrop setlet me run down my subway ride home. I get on the train at 49th st and to my surprise there is a few seats open. So I pick the one with no water on it because I don't need a rash. Next stop is Times Square. This is the first stop that inundates the train with alot of people. Seat next to me is open so I'm hoping a decent, sane human sits next to me. Remember I'm already irritated from the walk to station.Lo and behold a Chinese man plops down next to me and he smells like a stick of salami.Not dry salami but wet salami. Apparently they don't have umbrella's in China because he was soaking wet. At the same stop a pretty big white guy stands in front of me with a can of soda.Now, normally this wouldn't be so bad. But I can see where this is headed. Because he refuses to hold on to the pole. Which means this. The minute the train jerks forward, the soda is going to rise up from the can and spill on my pants and shoes. At that point it's possible that I will stand up and murder him. So I politely tell him to be careful which was code for "hold on fat fuck the train is going to pull of the station violently and if a drop of soda touches my wingtips you will die a horrible death". He heeded and held on. Needless to say the train jerked violently and he swayed but held on to the soda. Next stop a really big black woman entered stage left.She reeked of baby oil. Either she took a bath in it before she got on the train or she drank a bottle of it and is now farting out the scent. Between salami man and baby oil eater I was seeing stars. What a headache. I was praying one of them or both would get off soon. Salami man was in it for the distance. He got off a stop before mine, which is about 50 minutes from the time I got on. Mercy. Big baby oil eater got off in sunset park thank goodness, which was still longer than I wanted. Either way you look at it was a horrible ride home. This is not spell checked. I don't care, it's a rant.

Just Thinking Out Loud

Sometimes I wish I could have been alive in the past.
Living in different times and stuff.

I would have loved to witness an execution, old-school style.
You know like a hanging or firing squad. Or even way before that.
Like being stoned to death. Imagine that shit. Having a mob of people throwing stones
at you until you die. That must have sucked real bad.

Also would have enjoyed duels. Like the Raymond Burr duel with Hamilton.
Those looked like fun.

How bout the gold rush. Exciting. Wish I was there. I woulda been the guy hiding behind
a rock and waiting for some poor schmo to happily come out of the mine with a bag full
of shillings only to have me rock him from behind and steal it.

Wright bros. first flight. It would have been nice to have a celebratory beer with those two.

Taking a ride in a Model T. Or being that guy that was supposed to be on the Titanic
but lost my tickets to a schmuck in a card game.

Seeing how people were acting during prohibition or the Great Depression.

I'm just thinking out loud today. Feeling a little sluggish, rainy day.

Election Day

Vote.

Let them know your alive.
Let them know you care.
Let them know you won't stand still.

Be loud.
Be decisive.

Relish in what some countries can't.
Relish the opportunity to make a positive change.

Do what you feel.
Do what you want.

Don't whine about anything if you don't.
Don't complain about this or that.

Think your vote doesn't matter?
Think those streetlights on those busy corners were put there by God?
Think child sex laws are an issue?
Think gun control laws should be amended?

Vote.

Get out and do it.

There's more to voting than electing a president.

Elevator Edict 101

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Elevator Edict 101. I am your instructor, El Padrino.
Any questions will be answered after the lesson, for now, just listen and dictate notes.
A quiz will be given at the end of the period.

1. Don't talk to me on the elevator if your a stranger.
I don't know you, I don't want to know you, I have alot of other friends and co-workers to talk too. I don't need anymore. Especially since most of the conversations are hollow. The weather sucks, get used to it we live in NY. My weekend was fine, blah, blah, blah. I don't have kids, leave me alone.

2. When talking to a co-worker you do know, control yourself.
If you absolutely must talk in the elevator, if you can't wait for those 6 seconds it takes to get to the bottom of the building, make sure you realize that people in the elevator with you....can hear you! Whispering don't work because we are all standing together in a steel box that is 8x6. So we are all within an arm's distance you fool! And we don't care to know about anything that is going on in your life, especially you, crazy rich lady who talks about her life to anyone that listens. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT LITTLE EVAN AND HOW GOOD HE IS AT SOCCER.

3. Do not gas the box
Meaning, do not turn the elevator into a gas chamber. Control yourself until you get down to the lobby for christs sake. No one wants to smell what you ate for lunch that day you slob. There is nowhere for that smell to go. It lingers.

4. Do not take a call on your cellphone.
Ignore it until the bottom. Again, people don't really care to know your business. Your life cannot be that fucking exciting that you have to take a call on the elevator and yammer all the way down. Press the ignore button and call that sumbitch back. Don't make me eye stab you.

5. Don't "double down the button"
Ever get that fool that waltzes on the elevator and presses the "L" (Lobby) button even though it's clearly illuminated already? Moron. Hey fuckpie, the reason for the little light on the button is to "advise" that the button has already been pressed and, get this, will be stopping at said floor!! Yea, it's a cool invention right? Wow....

6. Pump DOWN the volume
If you own a IPOD or a personal music device that you listen to learn how to control the volume.
See because when I step onto an elevator, I lower the volume so other people don't hear what I'm listening to. It's called, manners. I don't want to hear what your taste in music is, especially if it's annoying. That's not how I want to start my morning or start my train ride home.

7. Cover your mouth
It's ashamed I have to mention this but apparently some people think it's ok to cough and sneeze on my back. COVER YOUR MOUTH! I mean people, it's just common sense. We are in a small confined space with millions of germs to begin with. No need to spread your animal germs too. Because if I catch some weird fucking cold, I'm coming to your desk and dropping a deuce on it. Or I'm punching you in the privates. Try me.

I think that about covers it. Any questions?

Do you mind if I talk business for a minute?

I have this book, this book of ideas that I toil around with from time to time. It has alot of ideas that I think I can turn into inventions or business. It all started with Tjokes.Com which is my t-shirt business that I run with 2 other guys. I'm actually in the process of streamlining that business because I don't feel like it's reaching it's potential. I have a grand idea for that business that I cannot discuss right now because I am in the works to Incorporate a totally different brand that I feel can take a share of the fashion market. It's probably a funny thing too because I'm no fashion bug and I certainly am not a homo but I am funny and creative so that must fuel this clothing line dream of mine.

Other ideas I have (without giving too much away) are:

A Book: yes your boy El Padrino wants to write a book. No not a romance novel or a scary story but I want to write an informative book. A book about life and how to handle certain situations. I wish I could elaborate more but again I get a good number of hits on this blog and I don't want my ideas to be pilfered just cause I feel like telling my business stories, ya know?
Plus I'm from Brooklyn. We trust no one.

A Restaurant: Why not? I love food. I know how to cook and I know what makes a good restaurant (good food, good service, nice wine list). I like to interact with people most of the time (especially when they order the surf and turf) and I can have family help out which is always a bonus. (I would call the place Jessica's or North Grill)

A Hot Dog Stand: Sort of like a Stewart's (I don't know if these are all over the country).
The Hot Dog Stand would feature the world's only.....drumroll please...............
"The Footlong Mozzarella Stick". That's right. A footlong fried stick of cheese. This is genius. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to create this beast of a appetizer. I want to revolutionize the appetizer genre. I already have developed a menu for this venture.
No I'm not crazy.

Bottled Water- Why the fuck not. Everyone else has one. I was thinking of just calling it Tap Water. Bottle it in a cool looking bottle, charge a buck fitty and buy myself a garage full of corvettes. It's the American dream baby!

A Wedding Singer- Stop laughing. Serious stop. I'll wait.......
I really think I can do this. It's looks so easy and I really can't sing but I can train myself to sound good. Not Al Green good but more like a young Sinatra or Dean Martin. Not one's to carry notes but nice short delivery that's soothing. I can totally do this. If that don't work I can always DJ weddings and shit. I'd be a good emcee. Plus I have DJ experience as a teen.

I have more....but 5 is enough...for now.

Mango Salsa

Time for the critically acclaimed Mango Salsa!

Went to a wedding this past weekend. It was a cousin of mine. Wasn't bad.
We don't really talk, ever. But we have the same last name (not anymore) so
you have to come out and support the family tree.

Cocktail hour food was nice. Dinner was pretty good. But what blew me away was the
venetian hour dessert's. That shit was off the heezeee for sheezzeee!
Warm banana's in Grand Marnier over ice cream. Hot waffles with ice cream.
Millions of pastries, gelato, fruits, chocolate fountain for dipping all kinds of bad things for you and Irish coffees. A+

Three weeks me and the boyz hit up the mystique of Lambeau Field. Can't wait.

I think I'm going to write a "If I ruled the world" post. I have some ideas that need to be heard. Like 4 day work weeks and optional topless days.

Do people that listen to IPOD's or Discman's very loud bother you?
I hate that. I listen to my shit loud only if I'm walking down a street or something like that.
In an elevator or crowded subway I listen to it at a volume that only I can hear.
Keep your shitty music to yourself.

Short and sweet. More to come this week........

Halloween Costumes

With Halloween around the corner, I figured why not talk of El Padrino's favorite Halloween costumes. Both past and present. I fondly remember every halloween costume I had when I was a kid. I'm not really a make-up kind of guy so most of them were "outfits".
But here they are and I'll throw in some ones that we all can use today. Enjoy!

Past (for the kids)

Superman- every kid was Superman at one point or another

King- I played the part in a school play so I kept the costume and used it that Halloween.
I still remember some of my lines (I would have been a tremendous actor)
"Jester! Fetch me some water!"

He-Man- I loved me some He-Man (that sounds very gay). My friend went as Skeletor that year and we had sword fights all night while ringing doorbells.

Hulk Hogan- My favorite wrestler at the time.

A Football Player- This was always simple and available. Boring, I know. The same goes for the baseball player costume. I would just put on the Little League jersey and that would be it.
Transformers- Voltron!

Jason- As I got older I got into more "Egg-throwing" friendly costumes. Black hoodie, black sweats, black kicks and a mask. Most of the time, a Jason mask.

Mummy- Easy and cheap.

Present (for parties)

Alot of ideas,

The Mel Gibson: Flannel shirt, act drunk and berate the Jews all night. And don't forget to hit on women.

The Verizon Guy: Grey jacket, black framed glasses. Follow people around all night and explain to them you are thier network. Works better with two or three other people dresses as phone company workers.

The Britney Spears: Ladies only. Get dolled up in the best trailer park trash outfit and walk around all night with a baby doll. Make sure to drop it at least 20-30 times.

Madonna- Again, ladies only. Walk around dressed like a slut, make sure to have that retarded red bracelet and make sure to be walking around with a black baby doll.

Harry Pothead- Walk around dressed like Harry Potter, act stoned and smoke weed if permissable.

Brokeback- Dress up like a cowboy and hit on every guy in the party. I do not recommend this. Doesn't look good for your image.

Flava Flav!!!!- any ridiculous, colorful suit will do. Make sure you get the fake clock to rock around the neck, also make sure to talk like he does and punctuate everything you say throughout the evening with "FLAVA FLAV!"

Big Foot' s Dick- I think Spencer's is selling a giant penis costume. Buy this then glue some fake or real hair to it and you'll be Big Foot's Dick. Oh, I almost forgot. Rub the costume with cheez balls or indian food. This will give it the proper odor to seem like Big Foot's Dick.

Sen. Foley- Walk around in a suit minus the pants and peruse a teen boy magazine all night.

Borat- Grab one of those green bathing suit numbers BORAT'S SUIT . And fuck with people all night.

Barry Bonds or any other steroid related athelete- simple, put on his jersey and walk around with needles in your ass.

T.O- fake kill yourself every 10 mins or so. And do situps on the lawn before and after you leave. In full football gear....

Peter King- Put on a curly wig, walk around asking football questions, tout Lamont Jordan for the hall of fame, keep talking about Rutgers and Mary Beth and....walk around with cups of Starbucks at all times.

Bin Laden- Wear a white sheet with a toy AK-47 and hide in the corner the whole night. Ask people to find you.

Emeril Lagasse- Black curly wig, white chef's suit and sprinkle shit on the food all night while screaming "BAM, BAM". Also try to get the New Orleans accent down pact, down the word "Icebox".

The Gollum

Well, I think it's long overdue. I know there have been times where I have mentioned that I work next to a real life Gollum (see pic above if you don't know what a Gollum is). This Gollum needs his own post. In fact the other guy I work with, who happens to be of Jewish descent, needs to be mentioned as well. Why? Because my anger towards him is second to only the Gollum. Shall we?

Gollum is a skinny bald Polish man who is so fucking annoying it's maddening. It makes you think about things like murder and murder. He looks just like a Gollum, hence the name. His english is broken, his manners are non-existent and he thinks like most Europeans do, which is that they are better then everyone else. If you have any contact with Russians like I do here in NY, you'll get my drift. Attitude.

I will now breakdown each "beef's" I have with this creature:

1. He constantly interrupts my phone conversations with ridiculous questions pertaining to a wide range of topics including but not mostly, work.
Dude, I get it. I'm at work. I'll get to whatever work I have to do when I get off the phone.
Fuck yourself and your dumb mother. Leave me be.
2. He will almost always ask a very dumb or senseless question. And he always asks me for the date. The date!! The same date that is on his calender on his desk. But he feels the need to ask me for it. Because for some reason, I am Father Almanac.
As far as the dumb, senseless questions go they range from anything like "Yo, how much is, um, you know, those things, um, oh, chapstik, how much is chapstik?" to "Hey, what subway line you use?". And then if I answer him he wants to carry a conversation about it. (If there is one thing I hate about talking to strangers it's having mindless, useless conversations. I hate them.
No I don't feel the need to talk about the weather just because we work in the same building and we happen to be in the elevator together. And no I don't care if you had a good weekend. Please don't ask me about my weekend.)
3. He always, without fail, asks me in the morning, as soon as I get in..."What's the story?"
Everyday. Everyday, the same question and everyday I say "nothing". But he keeps asking me. Sometimes he asks me this question 4 or 5 times throughout the day! What STORY!
WHAT THE FUCK! TURN AROUND AND DON'T TALK TO ME EVER! UNLESS YOUR QUITING AND IN THAT CASE JUST SLIP ME A NOTE SO I CAN GRAB ALL YOUR POST-ITS! Fuck!
4. He eats strange and smelly things from Poland. Yeah, weird shit. I don't know what it is half the time but he explains it like this: "you know, like pasta with meat but not really...it's very good for you, in my country this is how we eat, not like here, here everything is crap". Um no, if it was like pasta then it would be pasta, that bowl of shit your eating is not pasta so don't say it's like it. And he eats raw peeled Garlic. Like a piece of candy or some shit. Pshycho.
5. It seems to me that he hates America. Just by what he says. He makes his living here and has nice things but bashes the country whenever he gets a chance. He says he refuses to pay taxes, he thinks the government is corrupt and out to get him, he doesnt believe in social security, every article he tries to make me read is anti-america. He doesn't trust anyone or anything. He mails everything from the post office because he thinks mailboxes is a way that government is looking at your mail. I'm like bro, bounce if you don't like it here. Yeah we have our issues but we are the greatest country in the world biatch.
6. He fully believes that 9/11 was the government. He fully believes that Bush and the republicans ordered planes to crash into buildings and fields to kill thousands of americans so he can go to war with Iraq over oil and money. If anyone else believes that please don't read or frequent my blog anymore. Serious. Bye.
7. He swears that the US dollar is garbage and that one day, we will use the Gold Standard again. No serious. He thinks that Gold is money that we will all use it again, like the Wild West.
And he forces upon on me hundreds of right wing articles that are so ridiculous it makes real liberals look like elephants.
8. He says alot of shit that starts off with "In my country". I hate those comments. Because mostly they are arrogant and pointless. In your country, yada, yada, yada. Then go back to your country and eat dirt and be politically assasinated you hump.
9. The man wears the same pants everyday. Everyday he has on black courduroy's. Either he owns a courduroy factory or he just hasn't bought a pair of pants in 2 years. Luckily they do not smell.
10. He's always in my business. For instance as I was typing this and he saw the word "Poland" and says: "What bout Poland? What is this your writing?" Nothing. Go back to hating America.
If I'm on the phone, and he hears me say "Verizon" he'll ask me a million question about Verizon and how he likes them or dislikes them or whatever. Hey dickface. I don't want to talk to you about that because I was talking to someone else about it on my phone.
11. He never shuts up. I mean all damn day he talks. And repeats what he says. Over and over again. "What's the story" "What do ya say" "Everything is shenanigins" "Buy Gold".

This is the man I sit next to. Would you convict me if I were to do it?

Failure Is In The Air

I'm actually not as mad as I thought I would be. Despite feeling like my dog died a terrible death I was still pretty focused and ready to take that test on Friday.

And then the test started.

Ever get the feeling like your drowning? Or like the walls are closing in?
That's not how I felt, I was just asking.

The first 4 questions I took like 19 seconds to answer.
I was like man, I'm doing good! Then the next 18 or so I felt like Spinks against Tyson. Just wobbly.

Here's why I'm not that pissed about failing this ridiculously long and boring test.
I went to a two week review class that supposedly was supposed to focus on what was on the actual tests. I missed one class due to a Game 1 ticket that fell unto my lap (thank god).
But that day the class was geared towards margin and since that's what I do, I didn't need to attend anyway. But I was there and attentive for the other classes.

50 questions on options. Check
50 questions on muni bonds. Check
25 questions on "other" bonds. Check.
15 questions on opening and closing accounts. Check
10 questions on Margin. Check.

So that leaves 100 questions. No one, including the instructor, told me that out of that remaining 100 (big part) that there could be 81 questions on "brokerage products".
No one. As Spike Lee would say, "We got bamboozled".

81 questions is alot. Now if your wondering what brokerage products are let me shed some shine. "Brokerage Products" include everything from Commodities, Mutual Funds, Annutities,
Preferred Stock, Corporate Bonds, Units, REIT's, Ginnie Mae's, Warrants, Rights and Subscriptions. Now, I'm no broker and I don't want to be, so my knowledge in these areas are weak. But If I was told that they were going to be on the test I would have learned about them.

Hence, a 62. You need a 70 to pass. Valiant effort by the El Pad I Know.
I'll probably take it again at some point. It's no big deal, I don't need it to work, I was just hoping to bag it for future use.

Also in my defense, the Mets absolutely crushed me the night before by losing Game 7.
It was definetely the worse loss I know as a Mets fan. True 88' against the Dodgers was bad but I was only 8 years old and although I remember crying like a Molly, I was over it by the time I sat down for some Eggo's the next morning.

I'm A Failure

Details to come on Monday.

A Taste of Mango Salsa

I got my Series 7 test this week (Friday) so this might be it for me for the week...
Until then here is a tad of Mango Salsa to dive into.....

I really never talk about what I do professionally but I came across this gas price article this am and since it involves Hedge Funds I can relate. Thought you guys would be interested. Alot of people feel the high gas prices get manipulated by government and while that might be true don't ever rule out the possibility of the market. When I say the market I don't always mean the stock market, there are other markets to which I refer and for this case I mean the commodity market. Futures is what some of you may know them by. It's pretty boring to the average schmo but it's really quite fascinating if you learned it. If you think your paying too much for a pound of coffee or for a quart of OJ (watch Trading Places) look no further than the futures market. The price of say "coffee beans" may be high and traders who trade these future contracts may be bullying the price (to make $$) that in turn force consumers to pay more that it may even be worth. This article I am linking is dealing with Natural Gas which is a commodity. Check it out if you want.
CNN GAS PRICES

Mets got to do it tonight, the thought of a game seven, albeit home, scares me.

I saw "The Departed" over the weekend and let me tell you. That was a great movie.
Go see it right away. Dicaprio was great, Damon was real good and Nicholson was awesome as a crime boss. Not to mention fucking Baldwin and Marky Mark. You guys really got to go see it. Downside was the length, I thought a 20 minute edit would have done justice.

On the big screen, the Frank Miller "300" movie looks really fucking good.
Visually stunning is how I would describe it.

Other upcoming flicks that look good......
"Catch A Fire" : with Boobie Miles
"Flags of Our Fathers" : A Eastwood flick about the Iwo Jima solders who raised the flag
"Borat" : Funny stuff
"Blood Diamond" : Sierra Lione territory....guns, diamonds, rebels.....good stuff.
"The Good Sheppard" : The life of a CIA agent and the effect on his normal life. Through his eyes, starring De Niro, Jolie, Damon. Also Directed by De Niro.

There are 300 million people in the U.S as of 12:0whatever this am. And there are 237 million vehicles. That makes sense. We should kill all the rich people.

Oliver Stone is up to his shit again as he is in plans of making a movie about the hunt for Bin Laden. Can't wait for another liberal view of this.
Why don't we just blame Bush for the JFK assasination?

Wikipedia's featured article today is about the Chola Dynasty. Jus sayin'.

Dog The Bounty Hunter is in some shit huh? Condelezza Rice has 29 House of Reps asking her to stop his extradition to Mexico to face charges from an arrest he made there. Cool.

Fall is the best weather. Love it. I smell winter too. Can't wait.

Wish me luck. I'm a failure.

LETS GO METS!!!!!!!!

I WANT YOU TO BE LOUD!

I WANT EVERYONE TO GO TO YOUR WINDOW!

OPEN IT!

AND SCREAM!

LET'S GO METS!
LET'S GO METS!

METS in 6. They have the better bullpen and the better line-up.
And they won't let Prince Albert beat them.

Can't wait to see the Tigers. It's going to be a good one.

Mango Salsa

HUGE Mets win last night, game 1 is important in a 5 game series. Faint of heart need not apply for any Mets game this October. They are all going to be like this. But our bullpen is best so that's good.

I'm off from work tomorrow so eat my shorts.

Don't look now but the Dow Jones is at a all-time high. So high it could touch the sky. Many people with fancy college degrees thought this would never happen. Shows what they know.

College Degrees: OVERRATED.

Don't forget El Padrino's weekly betting column runs on this blog every Friday http://sonsofkc.blogspot.com/ as well as an occasional column related to sports.
It's a fantastic blog with real people who can write and have strong opinions on sports.

Those dudes from Long Island that were in the Brazil plane crash are screwed.
Brazilian officials are not letting them leave the country.....it seems as if they are blaming them for the crash that killed 155 people. Link is here:
http://www.nydailynews.com/10-05-2006/news/crime_file/story/458530p-385843c.html

Large Tea, lemon 3 sugars. I say that every am to the coffee cart guy on 7th and 49th st.
Just giving you a peek in my world.

Whatever happend to the spinach thing? Can we eat it? I enjoy spinach. I need to know.
Also, is SARS still out there? Anthrax? WMD? Can I get an update on what I have to worry about please?

I took up two seats on the subway this am because I was angry. Fuck the world my nuts need a seat to bitch. Stand!

No work Monday! Columbus Day! I love that ginny fuck!

Guy at work today is sporting a mohawk. Really? What, did you lose a bet or something. When did this become ok? A mohawk while working in an office in a Fortune 500 company? Ok. You'll get ahead in life. Moron.

I hate the gollum. He deserves a whole post.

Til next time.

October Baseball

LET'S GO METS!

Real quick baseball playoff preview....

PADRES over Cardinals (3-0)
Pods in playoffs for back to back years for the first time in....forever! And they have home-field this time around. Last year St. Loo swatted them in four games, this year it's time for revenge.
No one stumbled in to the playoffs like the Cardinals did.

METS over Dodgers (3-1)
Just too much firepower and it doesn't matter that Pedro is out. He's been out since July.
Mets wrapped up the division without him. Don't give me garbage on how the Mets can't hit lefties. Kuo or Kou, whatever the fuck his name is not Johan Santana so stop it.

TWINS over A's (3-2)
Sanatana twice and the baggy dome 3 times. I'll admit I picked the A's to make the WS in my April baseball preview but I don't see them winning a game in Minny. That Tiger collapse was huge.

YANKS over Tiger's (3-1)
Instead of a home opener against the A's they get a flight to the Bronx. Good job. Was Matt Millen involved in this somehow?

The rest of the way........
I'm not sane to predict the rest of the way. My rooting interest is too hard. Will the country be bored with another Subway Series? Cuz that's highly likely.
If not Yanks, Twins will take on the Mets. And then I'll start worrying about not hitting lefties.

Serious 7

Series 7. It's a license. A license to trade securities. A stockbroker license.

No I'm not a stockbroker but I am studying to take the exam just to have it (it will help me in my profession). I haven't been studying so hard but with three weeks til the date that I take it, I'm ramping up my efforts.

This means I won't be frequenting the blogs to the right as often as I normally do. Also posting will be more sporadic and few. So bear with me please. I'm trying to become a millionaire.
Don't take it personal. It's hard enough the Mets are in the playoffs and I won't be getting any normal sleep the next (hopefully) few weeks.

This has been a public service announcement by El Padrino.

100th Post So You Get El Pad's 100 favorite Movies

El Padrino's 100 favorite movies of all time. People, you may or may not agree with some of these entries but I assure you of one thing. You will respect my movie viewing skills.

1. The Godfather
Tragic but yet romantic tale of a New York City mob boss and the rise of his successor, Michael. This film captured the Mafia like no other film did or will. Marked by the suspense and rich period detail it was an instant classic in everyone's DVD library.

2. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Nicholson at his absolute best. Driving story of a mental patient who inspires new life into hapless inmates by giving them purpose and self-worth. If you've never seen this, you've never seen a Nicholson film.

3. The Gladiator
Epic. Simply put. Story of revenge and courage. Set in a time in which we are all interested in.

4. Goodfellas
Life through the eyes of a man who lived it. Dreamt it and became it. Then, ruined it. All in a powerful New York City Mafia.

5. Scarface
Al Pacino's greatest role? Some say yes. Story of a gangsta and his rise to the top --- and fall to the bottom. So many memorable scenes and lines.

6. Raiders of The Lost Ark
Adventurous tales of Indiana Jones and his quest through the Amazon and Egypt to find the Ark of Covenant. A true popcorn movie that I watched over and over again as a kid.

7. The Godfather II
Ties in with the original seamlessly while keeping it's taut suspense and exact detail. The rise of one Vito Corleone.

8. Schindlers List
Um, wow. Talk about a powerful movie.

9. Taxi Driver
Just crazy man, De Niro was just crazy in this. Righteous violence are two words that had no meaning before this film.

10. Jaws
My first real horror movie. Suspenseful adventure about a killer shark wreaking havoc on a tony New England town. I love this movie.

11. Apocalypse Now
Vietnam war drama that takes Sheen up to Cambodia to find Brando's character who has lost his damn mind. Brando as Kurtz was about as nutty as a performance you'll see.

12. Silence of The Lambs
The hunt for a serial killer leads a FBI agent (Jodie Foster) to Hannibal Lector and that's when we meet the sickest villian ever.

13. Saving Private Ryan
Exceptional detail into WWII including a brutal, brutal D-Day depiction of Normandy Beach.
The story of this young soilder who loses both brothers and the crew that must overcome great odds to find him is just riveting. It gets me everytime.

14. Usual Suspects
Twisted, convoluted thriller that evolves from a simple police line-up. Brillant movie.

15. Forest Gump
Poignant drama through the eyes of a mentally challenged but kind man who tells his life story to anyone that will listen. The flashbacks take us through every bit of important American history with scenes that actually show footage of JFK and Lyndon B. Johnson.

16. Swingers
Mikey left his girl in NY to blow up in LA but is a wreck over it, until Trent schools him to the scene. "You're so money and you don't even know it!"

17. Rounders
Just love it, everytime it's on I watch until the end. This is real poker before the poker explosion in America. Who can't recite Malkovich's lines? And, for what it's worth, I like narrated movies.

18. 40 Year Old Virgin
Just took comedy to all new heights. Seriously this is a hysterical movie. I laugh at over 80% of the dialouge.

19. Anchorman
Before 40 Year Old, there is this. Ron Burgundy. Proabably the most quoted movie in my library.

20. The Deer Hunter
Intense drama about friendship and the effects of the Vietnam War. Of course the Russian Roulette scenes steal the show. Walken was fantastic as was DeNiro.

21. New Jack City
Gritty tale of the rise and fall of a powerful drug lord. Neno Brown man, don't fuck with that dude.

22. Old School
The arrival of the Will Ferrel era in movies. Not to mention Vince Vaughn but he had already arrived. Anyone else notice that Jeremy Piven and his semi-hot wife in Entourage are in this movie?

23. Rocky
True underdog story that I feel gets "everyone involved". You cheer because you care.

24. Shawshank Redemption
Simply an excellent film. Morgan Freeman gives a hell of a performance.

25. Bronx Tale
Kid learns life lessons from a mafia boss and his hard-working pops. Great movie. I love the detail in this one too.

26. Raging Bull
Sometimes the only person who can stop you is you.

27. Carlito's Way
Felt like he owed him, then it got hairy. And Carlito never made it to that island. We rooted for him, we rooted for the bad guy. I feel like this movie is underated.

28. E.T
Hey man, childhood memories. I am not an old guy. E.T was the shit when I was a kid. It was all about a friendship.

29. Braveheart
This was a great film based on William Wallace and his army. Very real.

30. Blow
The reason my picture is Padrino Escobar. We all love rise and fall stories of druglords, don't we?

31. Donnie Brasco
Rat. Mole. Based on the true story this never disappoints. From Depp's performance all the way down.

32. Friday
Comedy classic. Big Worm, Deebo, Smokey and Craig. Alot of shit goes down between Thursday and Saturday

33. Pulp Fiction
Intertwined lives of all these characters, I swear Tarantino's mind is warped.

34. Fight Club
Unlike any movie I've seen. Well paced, plot great, acting phenominal...I could go on.

35. Alien
Scared the shit out of me the first time I saw it. Still kind of does.

36. Platoon
Seemed so real to me. I felt entraped in the situation when I watch this movie.

37. Rain Man
I never saw the Graduate so I can't say that this was Hoffman's best performance but it has to be up there.

38. Casino
I love the greed, I feel it. Same deal with Wall Street (no.40). You just feel the greed. And greed is good. Not to mention Pesci who I thought should have gotten some award for this role.

39. Full Metal Jacket
Boot camp in Parrot Bay looks like one hell of a nightmare huh? Gomer Pyle steals the show on the toilet bowl.

40. Wall Street
Like I said, greed is good.

41. Reservoir Dogs
Another Tarantino mind warp. It was supposed to be the perfect crime and no one knows who it was. That gives this movie the legs it needs to go on with the same story.

42. Ace Ventura
I'll go out on a limb here and say this is Carrey's best character ever.

43. Major League
Just a load of fun in this movie. Of course two or even three sequels were made but this was the best.

44. A Few Good Men
"You can't handle the truth". I mean c'mon, who's better than Nicholson on the stand?

45. Predator
Arnie battling a extra-terrestial soilder. What's not to love?

46. Sin City
Really enjoyed this and can't wait for the sequel. Just real grimey stories that kind of intertwine.

47. The Matrix
Visually stimulating. We all wacthed this the first time like a baby staring at cartoons. Just fixated on the screen.

48. Trading Places
Simply put. Real funny.

49. King Kong (either one, 1933 was great but the update from Jackson was as visually stimulating as any movie I've ever seen.)
No I'm not gay, this is a beautiful story.

50. Wedding Crashers
Rule No.1 : Never leave a fellow crasher behind.

51. Red Dragon
Pshychopath killers make great characters. Fiennes shines. Loving the Hannibal connections as well.

52. Se7en
Great murder mystery. Following the belief in the seven deadly sins.

53. Leon: The Professional
Young Natalie Portman getting befriended by a professional hitman. You would think that her life would be in danger but they form a bond that he is willing to die for. Oldman is a nut.

54. The Crow
A dark superhero. Love the idea, the story and thought Lee was great (tragically).

55. 25th Hour
The speech into the mirror by Norton is hilarious. So true man. If only everyone was a New Yorker, you'd all understand. I liked Spike's take on this film. He's a borderline great director. Real good but not great.

56. Batman Begins
Thought is was excellent. My favorite superhero and DC guy was brought to life by Nolan. I watch it every time it runs on cable.

57. Black Hawk Down
Raw. Intense. Real.

58. Boiler Room
Schoonk got took. The whiteboy version of slinging crack rock....stock market. I can recite all the lines.

59. Boogie Nights
One of my favorite industries. They're 3 things that make some movies work automatically.
Sex, Drugs, and Blood. This film falls under sex. And by the way, every Halloween I tell people I'm going dressed as Dirk Diggler, no prostethic necessary.

60. Jerry Maguire
Sure it's really a romantic story between Cruise's character and Renee but the sports scenes and the acting performance from Cuba Gooding overwhelm this picture. I can't believe he failed at just about everything else. Between Boyz N the Hood and this one he should have been a bonafide star.

61. Bad Boys
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you!! Joey Pants is good in both of these as well.

62. Bad Boys II
Just as good if not better than the first. Hilarity throughout.

63. Caddyshack
Roll call: Bill Murray, John Candy, Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield. Need I say more.

64. Bram Stroker's Dracula
Best Drac out there, no other one comes close.

65. Die Hard
The whole fucking franchise I love. Willis is the most sarcastic piece of waste on the screen but he's the hero. I love it.

66. Falling Down
Just fuck bitches up. Don't take no shit from no one.

67. Natural Born Killers
Fast, hectic story of pshychopath serial murderes who happen to be crazy in love. I like to call this "Cultural Violence".

68. Heat
Pacino and Deniro on the same screen again. Yup. Again.

69. Scent Of A Woman
Outside of Godfather and Scarface, Pacino's best performance (in my eyes). The screaming, the wild sadness that his charcter exudes. Magnificent film.

70. Judgement Night
Sick cat and mouse game. Leary is a nut.

71. Kill Bill
Revenge is a motherfucker.

72. Kill Bill 2
Clever, didn't miss a beat.

73. He Got Game
Denzel nails the role of "alchololic tough guy, I'll whip yo ass type" Dad. And the Coney Island detail is so real I felt like I knew Jesus Shuttlesworth personally.

74. Meet The Parents
Deniro showing the comedic skills and Stiller being Stiller. Came out of nowhere and was funny as shit when it did.

75. Boyz N the Hood
Crime saga with the ever-gangsta South Central LA scene. Fuckin' doughboy. Sad.

76. Office Space
If you've never worked in an office you can't understand this movie. If you have, you love it.

77. Road To Perdition
Detail of the 1930's Irish mob is surreal. The story was good too. Makes me rent Paul Newman movies everytime I see it. And can Hanks play any role?

78. Prates of the Caribbean
Fun. Simple. Sometimes you go to the movies to have fun and not concentrate. And what a quirky fuck that Depp is huh?

79. Snatch
Fun crime caper. I like the mix of "groups".

80. Cable Guy
Carrey in his most demented but funny role. Didn't really do well in the box office but I always catch it when it's on. And of course I own it.

81. The Aviator
Howard Hughes, the DiCaprio performance was dead on. Hughes was a crazy fuck. Brilliant though, as most crazy people are.

82. The Fugitive
"I didn't kill my wife"! I joke around all the time with this line, when I deny something, that's what I say. Mad love and respect to Richard Kimball who refused to be dragged down by a one-armed man.

83. The Man With Two Brains
Stupid I know but I couldn't stop watching it. And it will forever be one of my favorite Steve Martin movies.

84. Tombstone
Good Wyatt Earp and better Doc Holliday. Not a western fan but watched this consistently and enjoyed it.

85. Any Given Sunday
Miami Sharks! It's like the Blitz video game but with drama behind it.

86. The Green Mile
Stephen King can do more than just horror. Great story and tremendous performance out of that knuckle head Duncan.

87. Traffic
Movie making. Some people don't like the documentary style that this film is shot in but I think it gives it it's realism.

88. Lord of War
Behind the scenes of a real trade. Guns. Cage is excellent, Leto plays a great crack head and the African trips are very detailed and raw.

89. Christmas Vacation
Never fails, I watch it every year around Xmas. Laughs all around.

90. Memento
Crazy. Filmaking at it's peak. Totally outside the box.

91. T2
Best Terminator of them all. At the time it was a speacial effect masterpiece.

92. Three Kings
Bowls of a war-torn country or steal gold? Pick one.

93. Bourne Identity
Cool flick man, waiting for the thrid installment.

94. Bourne Supremacy
Like Paul Rudd in 40 Year Old says: "I don't know, looks like Damon rocks the shit in this one".

95. Hannibal
Decent ending to a nice trilogy. Makes the top 100 because I liked when the boars ate that cripple's face.

96. Napolean Dynamite
Caught alot of people by surprise. Pedro is funny.

97. A Perfect World
Criminals have feelings too.

98. Rambo
Lesson here: "Disgruntled Vietnam vets will kill you"

99. Jackie Brown
Bad-ass movie.

100. Showgirls
Of course this makes the list. It is a comedy right?

Just To Keep You Busy

Working on my 100th post. I think I will do my favorite 100 movies of all-time. And if no one likes that then suck it.

Here are some funny t-shirts from TJOKES.COM
Yes I'm a pervert.

Shut Up, I'm Lazy

For the record the El Pad went 5-3-1 in this past weekends bets. Although I deserved better, I won't complain. I'm sportin a 16-10-1 record. Nice.

Tonight on Monday Night Football the Atlanta Falcons (2-0) travel to New Orleans to square up against the surprising undefeated Saints. First game back in NO since that bitch Katrina.

That's all I feel like writing, I'm resting my fingers to hold beer later tonight.

Mango Salsa (Friday Edition)

If your looking for El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column click here:
http://sonsofkc.blogspot.com/

I will be writing various sports pieces here along with 5 other gentlemen on this blog.
The betting column will be posted there every Friday but I will continue to talk sports on this blog as well.

As for today I figured the world was due for a little Mango Salsa.....

Did Hugo Chavez leave town yet? Cuz if he didn't I'm going to round up some hoods and find this crazy sumbitch. Knock him to the floor and stomp his testicles. Does he think that because we have problems with our president that he can talk crap about him? No. you can't do that.
Even if we hate our Prez, which some people do, we won't allow you to talk shit about him to us.
Homey don't play that.

This just opened up on the corner of 7th and 49th street. A block up from my building.
http://www.hawaiiantropiczone.com/
Needless to say, I am happy.

Everyone eat spinach tonight.

Is Grey's Anatomy a chick show? Cuz It certainly looks like one.

Feeling sick, down on your luck, or just plain sorry for yourself. Check this out:
http://www.forbes.com/400richest
Thank me later.

Quick thanks to Fair Maiden (linked to right) who purchased two custom made
shirts from tjokes.com. I hear she's happy about them.... here they are.
http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?op=article&article_id=1499170#top

http://www.spreadshirt.com/shop.php?op=article&article_id=1499062#top

I get more ass than a toilet seat or I get more butt than ashtrays.
I like those, they make me grin.

Would I Do It Again....Does A Bear Shit In The Woods?

As I said yesterday working from home was a phenomenal experience. I wanted to go into detail of how phenomenal it actually was.

First, there's no commute. Unless you count the steps you and your morning wood take to the bathroom to relieve yourself, there's no N Train.

Or as I sometime call it, The Third World Express. That's right, there's no sneezing, coughing, disgusting aliens to deal with at 8am.

There's no "delay of service" or "there's a red signal ahead, we will be moving momentarily" to worry about.

Second, the attire is totally up to you. I chose casual. Real casual.
Good old-fashioned boxers. American made in Taiwan, comfortable as a mutha and very fashionable indoors.

I also went nude for an extended period of time because well, I can do that.

Third, food. If you've never been to El Padrino's Cafe your missing out. The food is excellent.
Even the leftover's are a king's meal.
Canned soup? Non-sense. Pot-Pie? Don't get slapped.

I'm talking leftover chicken parm, a Boboli pizza prepared by the chef himself, prosciutto balls from Pastosa and some Italian olives. Bueno!

No to mention the snacks...and they are all FREE!!!!!

I also have to mention that I snuck a beer in there too. I had to. As I'm approving payments of over a half a billion dollars I'm swigging on a Sam Adams. Life is good.

Fourth, co-workers. No more gollum. Who if I haven't mentioned in the past, I sit next to a guy who looks like the Gollum from Lord Of The Rings. You know, the little creepy gnome that snatches shit from everyone. Identical. And he's fairly annoying. And he's Polish. So that's like a tri-fecta of characteristics that makes me not want to sit next to you for 50 hours a week.

Fifth, downtime. I'm no smoker so I don't get to go outside my building 47 times a day to inject poisons in my lungs like some lucky folks. So my downtime includes perusing the net or walking outside for 20 minutes or so. But when your home who wants to peruse the net when you can just watch the Price is Right (Barker is still alive!). Like I mentioned in yesterday's comment thread during the course of two days while "working" at home I fell upon some movies that happen to be on cable. Good one's too. Cape Fear, Friday Night Lights, Austin Powers, Die Hard, Batman Begins, and Lucky Number Slevin.

And of course Madden 2006 was played. Over and over agian.

Today I'm back at my miserable office. Confined to this silly thing called a "cubicle".
Sitting next to a real life gollum, getting harassed by anyone and everyone expecting me to "work". It's like the first day back from vacation, cept I ain't got no tan. It's sad. Really.

I tell everyone to consider themselves lucky that I'm wearing pants today.

Home School

This ain't going to be much of a post, more like a message.

I'm working from home today, as I did yesterday and let me tell you. It's fantastic.

Bossman told me with all the action in the city this week with the UN crap and the prez here that I would work from home two days this week. That way he'll know if I can do all my work remotely in case of an emergency. Sweet.

No, that's not me.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Kind of a wacky weekend in the NFL huh? Out of the 5 teams that were 10 point or more favorites all but one covered, easily. El Pad had a rough betting experience going a gnarly 0-3 in college (although I hit the USC bet, the line dropped to 17) and a respectable 4-2 in the pros. After going 7-2 last week that brings the overall stand at 11-7. Not bad. Let's get into some of the events that was a great football weekend.

GIANTS! Unbelievable comeback win on the road. Just gutted out a rough 3 quarters and took it to Philly in the fourth to tie the game and force overtime. Eli was unspectacular for 3 quarters mostly due to "protection problems" but really turned it on when it mattered. Driving down the field to set-up a tying FG he then went unconscious in the OT period and went 8-8, 82 yards and a TD. Now they head to Seattle to face the Hawks who sit at 2-0 but it's a different 2-0 as yesterday they had a under-whelming victory over the Cards. That's two under-whelming performances against two mediocre teams. The Giants are not a mediocre team.

Gamble is his name and gamble he did. A lateral pass that went bad the Panthers blew thier game in Minny and now sit 2 behind the flying Falcons. Vick and Co. set a record by rushing for over 300 yards with him and Dunn doing most of the work. Needless to say the Falcons look good, the Bucs and the Panthers don't.

Speaking of the Bucs, Simms needs to sit. I guess he ain't ready. And the cover is still on the Cadillac, cuz we haven't seen that fool yet.

Pats still own Jets. Ravens squash Raiders has predicted.

Are the Saints for real? Well you know what....with Brees you have to respect them now.
This Colston kid is becoming a threat in an offense that can score.

Niners with a big home win against a pretty good Ram team still finding themselves. I called Frank Gore a year ago and now he's emerging as a top back. Did anyone see the throw Alex Smith made to Bryant for the go-ahead TD? Wow.

Colts did what they do against bad teams and Manning passes Unitas on the all-time Colts list.

Broncos struggled again and the Chargers look like the team to beat out west.

Redskins offense makes me want to puke when I watch it. It's awful. I though Al Saunders was a genius? Brunell has to go. I'm surprised that situation doesn't get more press. What do fans in DC want?

T.O busted his finger and is out 2-4 weeks. Culpepper layed a home-opening egg.

Bills looked pretty good again, should we watch out?

Bengals took care of business over the Browns but did anyone see the lick Chad Johnson took?
Let's see him do the chicken dance after that?

Da Bears.